My depression is currently being caused by numerous circumstantial choices in my family and myself life. The available choices will lead to more problems which I know my head will not be able to handle. If I don’t act on any of them, then everything will crumble into a worse state than it already is. If I act on either of the choices then everything will crumble. Everyday I say to myself that I will make one of the choices but I say the same thing the next day as I see the impact of making one of the choices . I have exhausted myself mentally as I think about the above continually. Many times I honestly think that there is only one way out of this. I can’t write anymore as I now feel my brain is shutting down.
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Jimmyspadge
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I so feel your pain! We are stick in a situation where choices have to be made but all choices lead to things falling apart! Choices are bad and really bad! So although a choice has to be made, it will lead to no good coming of it! Just so paralyzed with fear and worry! Such high anxiety! Hang in there!
You say that any action that you take is going to cause more hard ship.
I would just say that destruction is not always bad.
For years, I was in fear of a sibling's retribution if I spoke my mind. I tied myself in knots to avoid doing, what I sensed, would blow a hole in our relationship. (I would even chastise myself for thinking such an "extreme" thought: she surely wouldn't get extremely angry if I told her my thoughts? Well, yes she could and did. )
My taking action(speaking to her) resulted in my worst fears being realized: our relationship was dismantled. But honestly, it really needed it!
Life gives you tough calls to make. Use all your experience and intelligence and decide. It's empowering.
Ironically what you mentioned about saying it how it is to your sibling is another situation I am in and I also fear the repercussions as she is a very confident and intelligent person, but she does not understand thoroughly the situation we are in and the consequences of decisions. If I say what is on my mind, then my wife would side with her as my wife already wants me to leave. I have always been one to think deeply into the outcome of anything really. This time last year I ran my own pretty successful business but stress/worry/anxiety symptoms and eventually depression set in. Giving up the business further increased the original symptoms and with it a 100 more problems. My 3 other kids at home don’t know of the financial and emotional turmoil that I am in. Really struggling with life and I cannot see a way out. Everything has totally crumbled and I keep waiting for an answer which eludes me.
If you haven't already, I would first get to a doctor and have a thorough check-up with all the blood work. Be as open as possible and (if you don't already) ask to see a therapist. Also, if necessary, ask about medication for the anxiety.
If you need to be away (I've done both a 2 week hospital stay and a 3 week outpatient program for depression) there is zero shame in this.
It sounds like you have accomplished a lot with your life but maybe things were just too much at one point. (?) Everyone needs some tinkering with I think.
I do take antidepressants from the doctor. They can help some people. I went to a therapist for the first time last week or so. Usual form to fill in which I struggled with as I cannot remember very far back at times. I tried to explain how I was feeling but she was very young and basically said just she only has time to check the form once I filled it in. My mum started with dementia in her late 50,s and I don’t know if I am getting it. I remember her talking to herself when I was a kid without her knowing I was listening and now I find myself doing the same thing. I feel like I am losing the plot at times. I have always been a decent cook making meals for the family of 6 and never thought twice about it. Now I cannot get the timing correct if I was say cooking a chicken dinner. Maybe just brain fog but I don’t really know. Typing this reply took me quite a long time as I feel like I only have half a brain working.
Not to be too pushy- but maybe you ask for a referral to see a neurologist because of the memory issues, brain fog etc. ? Maybe your doc isn't seasoned enough to recognize everything (?)
I read your bio on here and noticed you are a musician. A duo who I managed for a very short while have some of their songs on Soundcloud. If you have the App, they are called The Beans. I can send you the link if you can’t find them, as there might be a few bands by the same name. Very inspiring songs in my opinion
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