Visions of Hurting Myself ***Major Trigger Warning***Message from the HU Admin team. This post contains information that could be upsetting.

[puppypancakes3]

Message from the HU Admin team. This post contains information that could be upsetting. If you are feeling vulnerable, do take care. if you choose to read this post. We are adding this message in accordance with the terms of use and HealthUnlocked community guidelines.

I'm questioning whether I need to be treated for something more than depression. I have graphic visions of hurting myself. I see myself taking a large knife from the kitchen drawers and slicing open my wrists. I feel the knife slide into my skin, and the blood drip down my arms. I see myself falling to the ground, lightheaded, nearing the end of my life. I can see it so vividly, like it's already happened, or that it will happen eventually. It's not that I have any plans to kill myself, or even hurt myself, but it just feels nice to imagine it. Am I crazy for thinking this way? Is there something wrong with me? Is there something more going on than just depression? Does anyone else have these visions? It doesn't usually bother me that much, but sometimes the visions come at the most inconvenient times.

[marlisrb]

I hope you never do that it’s sounds very painful to me and would greatly disturb anyone who was ever to find you if you did. But, to be honest, I live in an area with a lot of steep cliffs and thought about taking a bend to fast and going over it. It’s just a fleeting thought though because my Mom would never get over it.

Take care!

[puppypancakes3 in reply to marlisrb]

I think about that. I would never want anyone to see me that way. Which is why I would never actually go through with it. It's just a disturbing thought that passes by, and sometimes it just feels nice to think about it.

[marlisrb in reply to puppypancakes3]

Ok, so seems like a few here have thoughts of doing themselves in. We're all taking about it so that's a good thing! See.....we are not so different with our struggles and seems like we have some creative thinking about how to dispose of oneself!

I'm new here but I'm feeling happy with todays thought!

Stay safe Y'all!

[Barbasol]

I can relate! Sometimes my fears get the best of me too! I have a very vivid imagination and many fears! Depression loves to play with your mind!

[puppypancakes3 in reply to Barbasol]

Thank you for sharing. Helps me feel less alone in this. ❤️🙂

[Kaytee1981]

Being kept in your imagination cant be all bad you just need to learn to control the when and where. Maybe allowing yourself time to have these visualizations will stop them at awkward moments?

[Pugglesworth]

I have a fairly regular vision of being skewered with a broadsword through my chest. I've had the same vision since I was a kid. It happens in different ways, but it's usually through my back. I look down and see the blade exiting my chest. I won't go into the graphic details.

I'm now in my 50's and still have that vision on a somewhat regular basis. It comes and goes. I've not been able to tie it to something going on in my life as it's as likely to appear while I'm on vacation as when I'm at work. I'm always awake when it visits me.

The funny thing is I happen to own a broadsword. I never made the connection between owning it and my vision as the broadsword simply came into my possession. I've had it for years.

Past life? Maybe. Too many nights spent playing Dungeons and Dragons as a kid? Possibly. Overactive imagination? Well I have that too. It's just a thing that I've gotten used too. It doesn't cause me concern.

I would open up to your doc/therapist about it. I did with mine.

We're not doctors or therapists around here.

Just fellow travelers.

[marlisrb in reply to Pugglesworth]

That's very interesting! For me it's always been driving fast with my favorite music on and heading over a steep cliff into the beautiful California ocean! In reality though, it's sounds painful and the cleanup wouldn't be fair to those unlucky enough having the task!

But the thought is there regularly......still. Maybe it's a control thing for me?

[Pugglesworth in reply to marlisrb]

It could be.

In my own limited research I've found the thought of our own demise seems to be quite ordinary and common. I think we don't talk about it because it makes us uncomfortable and we don't think others have the same thoughts. I don't believe it's a 'warning' or something we'd like to actually see carried to fruition. Death is something we all have in common and our minds know that. It scares us, makes us anxious and is the actual 'Great Unknown'.

My brother has the same thought as you do on a somewhat regular basis although his involves the Grand Canyon!

[lillyofthevalley37]

The way you explain it makes me think you want to trigger people into doing that ?

[puppypancakes3 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Sorry if it sounds that way. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, that's why I set a major trigger warning. It's just the way my mind works. I thought this was a safe space for me to write out what is going on in my head, to try and find some support from others, that's all.

[Jeff1943]

Past life, maybe. Just accept it.

[fauxartist]

It sounds a lot like suicidal ideation....but I am not a therapist. And something as serious as this should be properly diagnosed and you should seek immediate help..Please.

[Barbasol]

I have thoughts about a piece of save junk landing on me or an astroid hitting earth! Past life? Don’t’ know! Insecure thoughts yes! I see nothing wrong with your post! We just have morbid thoughts at times!