A throwback from my past

For every time a heartbreaks, it's like a knife cutting through

Pain so deep, like it cuts you to your soul

All the pain you feel, it seems to never end, moving on yet it creeps up again. Pain that makes you feel you'd rather be dead than alive.

Realizing how long it's been since anyone has seen you cry

The pain begins to lessen, and you're glad the pills didn't end your life, for if I departed I'd be the one holding the knife.

Stabbing through hearts, taking my own life.

The heartache would be deep wounds that may have never healed

I'm guessing God has planned something else for my life, for I have learned that I no longer want to be the one holding the knife

*This was written during one of the hardest times of my life, where I felt extremely suicidal, and wanted to self harm to relieve the pain.* Just wanted to share this in hopes that it can show someone the depression and darkness don't last forever. I haven't self harmed in like 4 years, and the same goes with the last suicide attempt I had. Time doesn't always heal all wounds, but it does get brighter!

[Hidden]

Welcome back bud 🙂❤

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you 😊❤️

[Agora1]

WeWillRise, a great, great post in hope and survival of our darkest emotions.

I'm so glad you made the right decision. Tears of Joy fill my heart. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, I'm thankful everyday i wasn't successful. This was a hard time, but I learned so much from this time in my life.

[Kainan]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I can relate cause I had a similar one. In the moment it seems like there’s no other alternative. But there are so many. Without a doubt it’s possible to move on and live a brighter day. 🙏

[Hidden in reply to Kainan]

Yes! I'm glad you're here!! It seems like the only way out of the prison we're in mentally, and all that I could ever think about was how hurt those around me would be, and that, most of the time, kept me from trying to end my life. You obviously have a purpose and I hope you're doing better now, and have seen brighter days!

[Kainan in reply to Hidden]

Absolutely. I’m so thankful that I’m still here. And thanks I’m doing so much better. And I hope you are too ✨✨

[Elliott_Woods]

Thanks for this 💜

[Hidden in reply to Elliott_Woods]

You're more than welcome 🙂

[Hidden]

I honestly don't know how long it will take you to start to feel better. It took me three years to even to begin to feel better. I truly hope it doesn't take that long for you, because each day seems so hard. I cut frequently and attempted suicide twice during that time. It wasn't until almost the end of the second year that I was trying enough mentally to stop the cutting. I did find an idea to help with the cutting, and that was when you have the urge to cut, grab a red sharpie marker and draw. Draw on your legs, your arms wherever you want to on your body. Draw until the urge goes away to hurt yourself. Besides fighting the urges to self harm and the sharpie thing, I don't really have any other advice on that. I still have to fight the urges to this day sometimes. I'm so sorry you're feeling how you do, I wish there was some way I could show you it gets better in time. Because I don't know about you, but when I was going through this if someone said that to me, I'm not sure I would have believed them. Now as far as the depression went, I struggled with that most of my life. It wasn't until I had my youngest son go through two open heart surgeries by the time he was a little over a month old, and almost died from septic shock literally directly after the second surgery before that started to go away. It was something about watching this tiny helpless baby fight for his life, that showed me how little I appreciated mine. It was heartbreaking to see him have to fight so hard and know I could nothing. I'm not by any means implying you don't appreciate your life. I just know when you're at the point you're at, that it seems like there isn't any other option. And there is. You are just so far in this dark tunnel, that it seems like it's not going to end, you're going to be stuck there... But you're not. If you can just hold on and take it day to day, and not give up, you will get to a better place. A place where your days still might be a struggle but not to the point that you are now. I feel for you so bad right now. Because my words over the stupid internet might not be what you need. I wish I could hug you, and just let you know your life is worth it 😢🤗

[Hidden]

You're not a burden to me. Or anyone else for that matter because you're allowed to be on this earth and live your life just like the rest of the human race. If I can help, I will.