Today

[1turtle1]

So today started off way too early. I awoke at 4:30. I'm medicated, so I can sleep. How can I have such a small stature, and yet have so much resistance to medication? I tried to read a book on my phone. Yeah, I know reading from a screen Increases sleeplessness, but I don't have money to purchase books and the public libraries are closed. Consequently, all my reading is device related, as is my writing. I tried to read, but my attention wondered to dark places. Eventually, after an hour and a half, I went back to sleep. An hour later I was up for the day. Still feeling rather dark and depressed. I'm up and writing now.

I wish I could make the depression go away. I wish the medication would make me happy, not just anti-depressed. I can't fake it till I make it. I've tried that so many times before. It's not like I can choose to be happy. It doesn't work that way for me. Maybe that works for some, but, honestly, I think those folks who say they just choose to be happy, lie. My depression never goes away. I don't want depression, just like I don't want physical discomfort.

I'd love to treat this with a 12 step program. Yes, I'm powerless over depression, and my life has become unmanageable. But is there a power greater than myself and medicine that will restore my sanity?

[Timmypliskin]

Audiobooks are a good alternative.

A reader with a soothing voice... its gotten me thru many many rough times.

Including now.

[Timmypliskin]

Love your tortoise!

I've learned also that body size means little for medication, I'm a big guy, but super lightweight when it comes to medications... my sister is tiny but has a huge resistance to all medications..

[1turtle1 in reply to Timmypliskin]

Excellent tip, Timmy! I have a water turtle, a Mississippi Map turtle, named Timmy. It's really tough to discern gender in turtles, especially when they're young. Sweet Pea, the tortoise in the picture, is a boy. Every spring he proudly displays his, ah, masculinity. It's pretty funny to watch. As I say to children, that's his boy part.

[1turtle1 in reply to Timmypliskin]

My Timmy is a girl.

[Timmypliskin in reply to 1turtle1]

✌🤓 awesome! I'm a turtle person... got to love um!

[Tonyhope]

Yes, the power is you. You must program your thoughts. I no it's had but being consistent with it is the key