Ok it’s a bad anxiety, insecurity and downright fear day.... need to vent as saying it to the dogs is not working to quell it....

[CanuckAnon]

So I start CBT today... all I can think of is behaviour modification so I’m getting visuals of a metal bowl strapped to my head with electrodes attached to it or Pavlov’s dog....

I’ve tried distractions, redirection, yoga, hot bath etc but I always come back to the negative visual. It seems to be feeding my insecurities in a hyperbolic unrealistic way too. I feel like besides the pain, depression, anxiety, insecurities I’m ok with me. I’m comfy in my skin so is this “modification” really necessary?

This is me when I’m freaking out...which is probably unwarranted but it’s a new thing on the road of this whole overcoming pathway I find myself on... I understand the science, theory and what to expect from a practitioner point of view but experiencing it on other side of desk so to speak is what I’m having issue with today. Giving advice to my former patients is way easier then doing it myself....

Not sure this will stop the “crazy” thoughts but at least I do not have to see the dogs tilting their heads at me and licking their lips with blank expressions... lol

Vent done.... back to distracting myself with knocking stuff off today’s to do list while hopefully ignoring the clock till I need to leave at 3:45....

Yayyy ☀️Just poked itself out from behind the clouds... outside I go as this is the best distraction and bonus it’s 1C today too!!!!!

[kenster1]

hi I hope your appointment went well today.

[CanuckAnon in reply to kenster1]

The appointment went well, was hard but not at all like I imagined how it would feel. I am really not good at verbalizing emotional stuff and my somewhat warped dysfunctional way of coping. So I had a little meltdown after... I was very sarcastic, irritated/impatient vindictive, insecure and itchyb so I could shut down. He would not allow me to withdraw into myself & made me continue on what else I needed to done in city which was best thing he could have done... although I did not like it much at that time.

Having to relearn how to communicate verbally with someone you know very well is really hard. Personally non verbal is much easier. At least the homework for 1 helps the other...

I can see how the hard stuff is important to go thru.... why does it have to hurt to feel better? At least I planned it well see pain specialist day b4 got nerve block so I could deal with emotional stuff next day without dealing with pain. I am keeping an open mind and will do the homework... I miss the easy going carefree state of denial but I see why this will be better....

Sorry for such a long answer....

[Xyra]

Holy cow that’s cold! It’s in the 80s here... where are you located CanuckAnon?? How did the appt go?

[CanuckAnon in reply to Xyra]

It’s actually warm for feb way up here in Canada.... it was -30C earlier in the week.... the end of the week is back to cold temps so taking advantage of it for now. Bundling up like the Michelin man to walk dogs is not fun.... it was hard and I found it emotionally draining... working on the “homework” now but thinking I can continue tomm.....

[Xyra]

What the heck! That is freezing cold!! I know Canada is gorgeous but I’m not a huge fan of extremely cold weather. Yikes!

It sounds like the session went well! I can’t imagine a successful session to be completely thrilling. :/

[CanuckAnon in reply to Xyra]

Lol... to be honest I’m not a fan of cold weather either... I wish I could hibernate like a bear. I do however like the look of snow thru the window inside my heated home dealing with it outside is another thing. I will admit it’s probably more healthy right now (for me) to get outside when it’s warm (for me) to get outside to enjoy the so called global warming I’m being taxed to death for while it’s here today...

I don’t think I would want 80 in your temperature weather all the time... that’s a warm pool temp here in summer. I would like to be able to garden all year round though.... that would be awesome! My outside growing season is like May 24 to Aug 30ish... snow starts in late October generally and lasts till early May.... longer warm season would be fabulous so yes I would love a little more global warming without the tax and chicken little like hysteria over nothing...

How about we trade for 1 week? You can enjoy fleece, fireplace, tonne of blankets and layers and I can be that translucent pale person running around in shorts, tshirts wAnting to go swimming thinking man it’s hot outside while people who live there have jackets on....

[Hidden]

Can't imagine coping with temperatures as low as minus 30. Some people can shut down needing to go into hibernation with such a harsh climate. I would want to move to a warmer climate to help mental health. Daylight warmth can help mental health . Long dark winters can increase seasonal affective disorder so light treatment with special lamps might help. You sound a very brave person and hope the therapy works.

[CanuckAnon in reply to Hidden]

I have lived with cold winters all my life and yes hibernation does sound like an awesome idea but life goes on hibernation or not. I get sun in winter.... it’s light out from 9ish till 345-415 during peak winter... but now I’m getting about 8 hrs of daylight and it increases daily so I can’t wait for spring... I keep plants under grow lights all winter so this helps with no green outside except on snow covered evergreens....

Warmer climates may be nice to visit but I would miss the seasons and snow at Christmas/New Years. It’s best to make most of where u live so you never take spring, summer and fall or warmer winter days for granted... you enjoy it all ! You just wear layers upon layers in winter... 😊

[Hidden in reply to CanuckAnon]

That's great you can cope with your climate. We have a similar climate in areas we live in with temperatures going down to minus seventeen. We have eight hours of daylight but a lot of sheet rain and storms but we are used to them. Spring is a wonderful time and we too look forward to the plants growing vegetables and the weather. Glad treatment went well and you seem to be going forward with the spring..