So, I started my intensive outpatient group therapy yesterday and I go tomorrow and Friday, too. It was ok, I sort of felt out of place but at the same time it was comforting to be around others that experienced a dysfunctional way of life due to their mental illnesses. I got a job offer that I accepted, but they may drug test me and I partied with some friends this past weekend so I’m a bit worried about how to get around that if they do end up testing me. I really want this job, but I’m so nervous that I’m going to be too panicky to perform well at it. It’s a cashier/store associate job at CVS Pharmacy. My friend said to drink a lot of water and quit smoking, which I don’t even smoke that much anyway because I live with my parents who don’t let me smoke in or around their house. But I’m nervous. I go to my psychiatrist Friday morning and I’m going to tell her that my Rexulti (antipsychotic) is giving me tremors and that my other psychiatrist at the hospital program said that I should be off of it because I am not bipolar. I went to my therapist today and she noticed that I had tremors. So I’ve got a lot on my plate right now, just trying to find a job and be functional in society again.
Update: So, I started my intensive... - Anxiety and Depre...
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I know how that feels, to be unable to perform at a job due to mental illness. I ended up leaving college a couple credits short of finishing because I suffered so badly. I also ended up quitting a full time job, once again, because of my mental illness. The thing is, I wasn’t dealing with anywhere close to what I am now and I start a new job Monday, so I can definitely relate to you. Do you think that you smoke, because of what you’re dealing with?
That’s so nice that you can relate. It helps. ❤️ And well, I used to smoke heavily, daily. But I don’t anymore, just with friends. I just like to smoke, period. But I suppose I also smoke to get away from my problems. I’ve been leaning more towards drinking as of late, because it doesn’t make me paranoid like I get when I smoke. It didn’t used to make me paranoid, but it does now. I’m really nervous if I get the job how I will perform there. I have really low self-esteem. I used to be so bright and pretty and confident. But after I moved up north it totally shattered me for the worse. I just moved back down south to my hometown and now I’m back living with my parents again so it sucks. I hate feeling like I don’t have a purpose because I don’t have a job or any money. I can barely afford to go to my doctor/therapy appointments. It’s hard. I wish it were easier. I wish I were normal. But again, it’s just the suffering people like us go through. It’s not easy at all.
Girl, I have been broken more times than I can even begin to explain to you, over the last two years. I want to let you know, that you’re not anything your mind is telling you, that you’re. I have generalized anxiety disorder and massive depression disorder and I know exactly what it feels like to have all these negative thoughts. You’re strong for coming to this site, you’re brave for asking for help and you’re awesome for taking a step to get independence. I’m not going to pretend like I take all this advice myself, because that would be inaccurate. BUT, I commend you for being honest about everything. I can’t tell you what to do, but I recommend not turning to drinking. I tried to drink some in order to not feel the hurt or just feel happy and it never ends well the next day. I would be honest with the workplace and if it happens to show up, tell them that you were going through personal issues and unfortunately turned to something you shouldn’t have. Maybe reassure them that you’re not going to be doing that, if you plan on cutting back or stopping that is.
Honestly though - it sounds like you're making great strides and doing what you need to do to heal. Congratulations on that.
Whenever you're trying to get on the right track, the first steps are always the hardest. It will do your self-esteem wonders to have a job, and do something constructive.
But I would lay off the smoking, at least for the time being. I don't know how long THC and whatever else stays in your system, in case they do test you. A little searching online should get the answer.
May I ask, how long will your outpatient therapy last? Do you still like it?
Congratulations on your job offer!