Drowning in this Hole

[Mama_Ria]

Hi everyone I am new here. I really just confused in my life at this point and really need a helping hand. I have been suffering from random anxiety attacks. I've really hit a dark patch with my depression and I haven't felt this down in awhile. It's very scary. Idk who to go to anymore. I have a very big and loving family but I feel if I express to them my issues right now I will be a burden as they are have very happy moments in their lives right now. I have spoken to my husband but he owns his own business and he's more away then home and i don't want to burden him either. He's very worried about me. I find myself inside my head all the time. I'm in a hole that i feel like i'm drowning in. I cry randomly. I get tunnel vision when an anxiety/panic attack is about to happen and I can't get out of it. I'm pretty scared. I'm currently changing my career that i worked 15 years to get but it's a must for my family atm. We are having alot of issues getting pregnant for the past 2 years which is a big one for me. I've gained weight because of stress and depression which makes it worse. All i want to do is curl up under a blanket and just sleep. I just want to be freaking happy but I can't get out of this hole. I've lost all passion to do anything. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's something else. idk.

worst part is my depression is starting to trigger my sobriety. I have been clean and sober from Heroin and other opiates for 9 years. I NEED to keep sober and my mind is wandering. I know I will stay sober but the thoughts are filling my head.

ugh issues. Any help would be really grateful right now.

here's a picture of my Puppers who is the joy of my life. He's my handsome boy and he always cuddles with me everyday to try to make me feel better.

[Depresseddoglover]

Hey, you are not alone and you are not a burden! Most of us have felt the exact same way as you - I know I have. One month ago I was a terrible wreck in the worst depressive episode of my life. I had quit my job to travel and volunteer. I had been planning, saving and looking forward to this experience for 2 years but I was struck by major depression. All I could do was cry, panic and loathe myself . I felt no pleasure in any of the things I used to enjoy (travelling, spending time with family, working with children, working with animals). I continued to go through the motions but I felt like I was dying on the inside. I had no peace of mind or hope that things could get better. I was in the darkest pit of despair imaginable and I was desperate for some relief. I could not go on! I confided in my family and friends and I cried to them non stop. And even though I was humiliated and I was convinced that they would be better off without me, they loved me unconditionally and they lit my way when I could not see the light for myself. They pushed me to keep going and not to give up on myself. One month later, I cannot believe that I am beginning to feel like myself again. The change feels miraculous and I am so grateful that things have improved so much, thanks to new antidepressants. I am also in recovery and I was teetering on the edge of using again to alleviate some of the suffering, but I kept thinking that despite all of my terrifying feelings, my sobriety was something that I could cling to. You should be extremely proud of yourself for maintaining your sobriety and for reaching out here. You can get better too! Please allow yourself to share with your husband because sharing your pain is like releasing a little pressure from an overblown balloon before it pops. My heart goes out to you! P.S. My dog is my life too! Yours is a beauty!

[Kimber55]

Our dogs help us so much! Is it a Shiba Inu? I have an Akita that is my rock through the hard times. Stay strong

[Mama_Ria in reply to Kimber55]

Yes he is <3 thank you