I feel like any light is snuffed out of my mind, I could barley make it out of bed this morning. I can't ever take my own advice and I wish my medication helped more than it does. I am frustrated and want the pain to end. They tell me to be patient and I am trying and I was recently hospitalized but i did not trust that hospital nd will be talking to my psych soon. I just feel the need to vent, have you ever felt like you just wanted to wallow in your own filth for a while? (metaphorically not physically) lol. I have been dealing with this almost my entire life and I had and infringement of expectations on my care. I just want the pain to stop. I should be grateful and I am not. I should be happy and I'm not. Pain is only temporary right? I guess the good thing is my sleep has been just a bit better but nigh terrors suck. I have been trying to eat better and fix my nutrition to have a fighting chance. I just want to equip myself for a fighting chance.