I've been feeling alone for a very long time. I cut my toxic friends, and I still feel bad.

[PainterInOblivion]

Hello there. This is my very post here. I would go on and write a very big paragraph about my problems, doubts, problems with anxiety and depression along the years. I've been a very introverted kid until I got to 13. I was not shy, I just didn't want to talk to anyone. The main thing that drove my life was painting and sculpting, and concept designing. Then I started getting bored.. So I decided to go out more. I started drinking around that age, and that thing caused me to really get popular along the years. It also kinda helped me with my general anxiety of talking to strangers. A few months ago I just realised that I did not like my entourage at all. I was surrounded by false friends, and people that judged me no matter how good I was. Also, I've had a relation last year that left me questioning my self worth, and lowered my self esteem a lot. Long story short, I got out of the depression caused by my last relationship, and cut all of my friends. Things were looking better even though I had literally 0 friends left. Time went by.

This year I fell in love with a pair of brown eyes and everything's been going very good until last night. Having a very diverse conversation, I told her that I would worship her if she had blue eyes. The conversation went really bad. She apparently has trauma that I didn't know about, similar to mine. She's been mentally abused by her EX, and left her with low self esteem after he told her that he dumped her because she didn't have blue eyes and blonde hair. I personally never felt worse in my life knowing that I hurt the person that I love. I didn't sleep last night. Kept crying and today I went for school for one single hour. I couldn't stand there for longer. She has not been responding to any of my messages since, and I wonder how I can repair this. Now I literally have no one to talk about, since I have no other friends left. My parents won't understand me, because I tried before. So here am I.

I would also appreciate general advice about life and this thing called love. I love you all guys.

[LittleEagle]

Hi mate, I would say having some experience in this sort of thing....

Send one message that outlines an apology that the comment was not meant in that way, explain that you will give her breathing space and sign off with ‘I’m here if you need me’ and leave it there.

And try not to over think things just give her time to respond in her own way in her own time. If the love is there she will respond just don’t bombard. If you have already bombarded her then sent a short apology, explain and again, sign off with ‘I’m here if you need me’

Friends will 100% come your way, stay clear of toxic people.

[BlackLaborador]

Hello, same here. It’s tough because you need people around you to not have depression. Having someone to talk to is very important. Although fake friends sucks, but think about this, they are not being fake to hurt you. People put up certain appearances to get by. So, having fake friends sucks, but having fake friends just allows you to have opportunity to talk to someone but you don’t have to be deeply emotionally involved in. I too was hurt by having fake friends but looking at it now, I wish I had treated the situation differently instead of 100% blocking them out, just keep them at a general friendship level, like coworkers, or something. Good luck. Hope you feel better.