Trying to become less sensitive

[Billsfriend]

I'm new here, and trying to overcome being very sensitive. I was always sensitive, but I only recently realized the problems it has created for me. I've also used drugs and alcohol since I was very young, I have 3 weeks completely clean now, I'm trying to become a better person and being less sensitive is key, it has always driven my behavior and caused me to act in ways that have caused serious regret, I never forgave my father for punching me when I was 3, and on and on ad nauseum.

So at this time my wife is in a lot of pain, and suffering a lot of hurt due to rejection by her son. This causes her to be mean to me, ignoring me, being condescending etc. In the past I would have walked out, but I realize that she is can't help it. She is not self aware, anymore than I used to be. I'm getting better, but of course I stumble at times, finding myself being drawn into a fight, and yelling at her. But at least I don't walk out, or break things.

I'm hoping that someone else has been through this and can give me advice. I am still very much hurt by how she treats me, and I want to learn not to let these things hurt me in the first place, instead of just controlling my behavior.

I know it can be done, I understand that special forces people are very good at this, as are a lot of police. Any help will be greatly appreciated. I'm 65 now, and this is my last chance to really improve my life, the lives of those I love, and to makeup for my past behavior....I didn't realize it at the time, but I was a real creep.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Welcome to this community. And congratulations on your three weeks clean. That's a big accomplishment. Hopefully you are getting help with that. I was in the same place as you once upon a time and my whole life was unmanageable. Relationships. Job. Family. Finances. Self Esteem. Over sensitivity. Emotional roller coaster. It took quite a while to achieve some balance. Just put one foot in front of the other, don't use and go for help.

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

[AuraAethyr]

Im happy for you that you are helping yourself in so many ways, both physical and mentally. I'm not sure I have any advice that could help you, but I just want to say that I hope you continue on your upwards path and that life straightens out and continues to get better for you.

[Billsfriend in reply to AuraAethyr]

Thank you, I know it will!

[Booklover0219]

I’m very sorry for everything you’ve gone through. I understand how hard it is to deal with all this pain and on top of it your wife is going through it too. Have you thought about joining a support group? I’m starting that this week and I also started counseling. Maybe the best thing we can do is jump in with both feet and just face the emotions no matter how tough it is and see if we can finally work through it all? I also started meditation and I’ve thought about going back to church. Somehow I’m trying to figure out how to heal from my soul.

[Dolphin14]

Congratulations on three weeks. Great accomplishment. There's a lot of work to do there. So keep at it.

I'm just guessing. But, if you were having issues I assume home life wasn't stable for your wife?

Alcoholism affects the whole family. Are you both in programs?

[Billsfriend in reply to Dolphin14]

Her Grandfather was a terribly abusive alcoholic. All her Aunts and her cousin exhibit the same extremely stubborn behavior, ( I guess to show that they will NOT knuckle under, even if you beat them).

I've been trying to get her to go to couples counseling for years. She refuses without saying why. So it's a challenge but I know I can only change my reaction to her behavior, I can't change her.

It's much easier than I thought it would be, it empowers me, so that I can resist the temptation to get angry at other people and drivers. I am now in control of my own behavior and no longer subject to manipulation by others😊. Of course I realize that I haven't been a peach to live with for the last 30+ years!

[Dolphin14]

I'm sorry she won't go to counseling. I'm sure that would be helpful to you both.

Has she been to al a non?

Your right you can't change her. You have to focus on your own program.

Best of luck.