Feeling stuck, overwhelmed and lost

[supreemkai]

I’m 20, recently I’ve been dealing with a bad case of depression and it’s really brought me to a low place, I gave up doing everything and just stayed in bed for almost two months. I started therapy because of it and started taking some lithium and I’m beginning to feel better. Before I was at an 8, now I’m at a 5-6, I don’t have much suicidal thinking anymore. Now I guess I have to take responsibility for my life, but I have no idea what to do. I’ve tried college(community) twice and I dropped because of losing interest in studying and really questioning why I was even there. I’ve worked about 8 different jobs since high school and they all pretty much sucked and right now I’ve been working somewhere that I don’t like, but I’m just there because it pays okay and I’d have nothing else to do. Other than that the only thing I have going on in my life is jiujitsu training for about two years, but the other things in my life really affect how I do in training. It’s something I think I could be really good at but might just be a waste of time. I don’t know what to do with my life. I live with my parents and feel like a burden almost everyday, I hate eating things at home because they paid for it and it feels like I’m freeloading. I feel so lost. Sometimes I just want to move away somewhere and start over. I don’t really have that many friends or family here, mostly people from my gym, other than that there’s nothing holding me back. I feel frustrated, scared, worried, disappointed in myself. I’m a really hard working person and I think I’m pretty smart but if I can’t find a reason to do something then I can’t force myself. Just like school, I really tried and got pretty good grades but I just don’t care about anything I learned. I don’t know what to do.

[hypercat54]

Hi you are only 20 so you have lots of time in front of you to decide what you want to do in your future, so don't pressurise yourself whilst you are still recovering. It's enough at the moment to just mark time and concentrate on yourself. Things have a way of sorting themselves out if you have patience.

If you are working I don't know why you aren't contributing to the household bills? If you are then this goes towards your food as well. x

[sjof]

Morning,

I can relate to your comments about being lost and wanting to start over, as well as your comment on finding an interest and pursuing it. So...I have spent much of my life “starting over” and I am here to tell you that you are most likely only running away from yourself and the physical move will make no difference other than to separate you from any community you may have where you are. It’s a lonely world out there and if you have family and familiarity where you are I would consider staying there and getting sorted out before you make a decision to move away. Your feelings of being a burden to your family is likely based in your illness/depression, and is not likely how your family feels. Also, on the jujitsu...skill and passion for something is developed, and if you enjoy jujitsu you should keep working on your skills. Here is an article on just this published yesterday - nytimes.com/2019/04/21/smar...

Stick with it, you’re lucky to have an interest that’s good for you in so many ways!😊

[Hidden]

I understand your feelings, and your response to your feelings. I often feel stuck (like now), depressed, disappointed in myself, feeling like a failure, etc. I often have absolutely no motivation to do anything. Nonetheless, I've managed to travel to each of the 50 states, do a marathon in each, pay off my mortgage, make a decent living, etc. etc. etc. so most people don't understand how I can be so "successful" on paper yet struggle with these feelings. For me it's very frustrating. Please know you're not alone. I can say you're young, you're this, you're that, however, I that may not help (hearing those things often frustrates me even more). In any event, one of the things I found helpful was an article I found online and I think you can find it by searching for discipline not motivation. Usually I have to get disciplined to do my tasks, my work. Motivation simply does not work for me on most days. I have said in the past, if giving my life would alleviate someone else suffering from these thoughts, I would gladly give it. As others will say, you have to do it for yourself and for many of us this is sometimes a minute by minute thing (on the worst days) and in a good year, it only pops up briefly (I did have about 2-3 years like that the last few months I thought, "what the hell happened." I don't know and I may never know. You're not alone. Keep writing here if you want or need a place to express yourself.

[Rick1on1]

Very good replies you have received from this post. Having a quick look at your profile, shows similar posts and it seems like you are in a loop?

Can I suggest that you are having some angst about that old-age question - the meaning of life?

Here is a great article: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meani...

Hope this helps!

[Lazy_dog_lover]

I have been there.

With work, sometimes you just have to suck it up and do it, so you have $ to make choices. I have had MANY jobs. Sometimes a few at a time.

You are young, living at home at 20 is fine. Contribute around the home in other ways. Pick 3 chores and take them on.

Name 2 things you enjoy doing. College may not be your route. I have a Master's degrees, now, and can't use it. Learn a skill and focus on that.