as a rape survivor I opened up to very close people about it. only a few know. & you guys of course.... but some of those same people seem to forget that I had a horrible, horrific past and love to think things are just the easiest for me. they tend to forget my anxiety on some days are through the roof& tend to forget that ITS OKAY to be sad, to be scared, to wanna feel out your emotions some days. it's OKAY not to be strong some days. let your mental state feel our emotions. cry, scream, vent... people are different. let them deal with things their ways. let them get through it. dealing with depression and severe anxiety after someone forcibly hurts and mutilates you without consent is ALOT to get over. some never do, we just have ways of dealing. LET US DEAL. remember not everyone is as strong as the next person.
I'm not a victim : as a rape survivor I... - Anxiety and Depre...
I'm not a victim
That reminds me of the book to kill a mockingbird where scouts father tells her not to judge people unless you have walked in their shoes.
that is completely correct! you never know what someone is or has gone through. be kind. 💞
People heal differently and at different times. I agree with what you have laid out so well. Sexual assault is very traumatic and victims need a lot of support, understanding and love.
I agree... it's hard opening up about it. especially when it hits you right before trying to sleep. flashbacks are the worst. it'll keep you up all night and seep into your day. some days I have no idea how to take myself out so it makes it harder when someone is getting mad at you or saying hurtful things when all you can do is just stay quiet and stay to yourself. some days that's all I can do. it's also easier when someone understands... or at least tries to be supportive. support from another person can go a long way when someone is having a hard time.
I know what your talking about,...people wanting to believe you are somehow able to move past this horrible thing that happened to you so they feel better about it, like it was a toothache or something you can just get over. The scars are deep and some may be visible, but you never ...'Get Over It'....you learn to survive with it....and if friends don't want to let you express your feelings because of what happened to you, it's because it makes them feel uncomfortable...then be more selective with who you talk to because the last thing you need is for someone to dismiss your pain because it makes them uncomfortable to hear about it.
Talking about it takes your power back from these monsters...helps you heal, and work through all these feelings, fear, anxiety, panic, trust issues. One comfort is to know there is a special place in hell for them....and they can rot for eternity....the only one you have to forgive is yourself....don't blame yourself ....it was not your fault....ever....
thank you so much. means alot to hear that and have someone actually understand what I'm going through. sadly it isn't friends, I don't have many but it's family. can you believe that? family are the fastest people to hurt and stab you in the back.. some days idk how I even am able to make it. knowing that I can't even trust my family hurts more than ever. I wake up proud of myself bc of how far I've made it.
thank you for your kind words. it gives me strength to keep going and live past what's happened to me.
love and ☮️. thank you.
sometimes we have to surround ourselves with our own loving family, not blood related, but others like yourself....people here are like that...kind, and compassionate....
I agree (:
Yes I understand as I was raped too many years ago. I have told very few people for fear not of them having a go at me but coming out with stupid remarks.
It's funny a friend of mine got very drunk one night and she was saying it was the anniversary of something very bad happening to her. There was something in her tone of voice which told me what it was. I said calmly were you raped? When she said yes I said yes me too. We then had a deep conversation about it which really helped us both. x
I'm sure that helped you both alot. it's always helpful to talk to someone that's been through sexual assault and feels and understands everything that comes with it. what you suffer through even after. I was raped for 4 years under the same roof as my siblings and mother. without saying a word up until I was about 12 I told my mother. she didn't believe me. I don't know what hurt worse. getting raped by her husband that I knew little about or her not believing me but believing him over me. I've dealt with these two demons for years now. that's happened about 6 years ago... I'm still trying to recover and still haven't been able to forgive her although she's never apologized nor has she spoke about it since... it hurts. this is the only time I talk about the rape. I don't talk about it outside of here. no one will listen. no one will talk to me about it. it makes them uncomfortable.
I will be okay. I like meeting people that actually understand. thank you for your sweet words of encouragement and I'm so happy you and your friend were able to talk. love and ☮️.
Oh goodness yours was far worse than mine as mine was only a one off. I don't know how you have managed to stay sane after going through attacks for 4 years and then your mother not believing you. That's horrible and must make you feel betrayed and that you were at fault somehow. The only thing I will say is that I think your mother maybe did believe you but refused to face up to and is in denial. After all she would have to have kicked her husband out and maybe she wouldn't have been able to manage either emotionally or financially. That is not an excuse for her treating you life this and putting her well being over yours. This is so wrong on every level.
I can understand your not having anything to do with her and don't blame you in the slightest. You need loving caring people around you not toxic ones to enable you to start healing. None of it is your fault.
I think the best 'revenge' you can have is to go on to have a wonderful life filled with love and light knowing that they haven't managed to destroy you. You are a survivor and will have the life you so richly deserve. x
in my opinion any sexual assault is equally bad. you have to be a monster to hurt someone like that... there's a special place in hell for rapist/sexual assaulters. I was able to move on and fell in love back in 2014 with a woman I adore so deeply. I didn't know how to love, how to care for someone, how to let someone love me. it's always been hard my whole life. my fiance taught me all of those things. it was hard and I was very stubborn and scared but she broke all my walls down. she's one person I trust fully and knew she'd never hurt me. she's protected me, stood up for me against my family and has always been there. I was always scared of getting into a relationship because I didn't want them to think of me as a waste or as someone that's been broken or nasty because of the rape or like I can never be touched romantically because of it.
the fears went away when we started dating. sadly I wasn't the one that told her about my assualts. my aunt told her after a week of only dating..... imagine how I felt. I was scared she'd run. it was not my aunt's place to tell someone I barely know about something so sacred ..
to wrap this up.. that's one thing I'm so proud about. I was able to move on from all that hurt and find true love. something I never had growing up. I was able to become happy again and healthy and move on with my life. I was finally independent, self reliant, I feel as if I accomplished something. rather my mother sees it or not.
it makes me very proud. 💝
I've gained self love from alot of things I've discovered ahout myself these last few years. although I know I struggle alot, my good days outweigh the bad.
your right amcclantoc12, everybody's pain is valid...we don't judge, we don't dismiss anyones pain...My heart is happy for you finding love in a sometimes very cold and distant world...hold tight to each other...your very blessed to be with someone who unconditionally loves you...you deserve it....all of us deserve to be loved, and we are.
really well said hypercat54....absolutely....being open and honest with each other now instills trust...yes we are anonymous....and for some of us....it's what we need to work through hurt and trust issues right now in our lives. It's very powerful and healing work here today....
Hi, amc, i understand what your saying. I was raped by an ex boyfriend, who broke into my house, more than 25 years ago. The Police werent willing to Prosecute. Flashbacks and Nightmares lasted a long time. I was afraid even in my own home. Some family members weren't sympathetic, because i had gone out with him, knowing he was a troubled person. Many were uncomfortable with my mentioning it. and so i seldom talked about it, not to anyone. Only maybe, 3 people know n you, who are reading this, now. Strangely, i find myself in Tears as i type,even after so long. But, we have survived. And the memory fades, a little. We are strong Women. Much better and healthier than the warped creatures who did this to us. I am so glad you have found happiness and someone to love you as you deserve. My best wishes to you and all who have suffered in this way. ♀️😊✌️
thank you! sane to you. your words have truly touched me. such a blessing.
love and ☮️. forever.
we are survivors....and we are warriors for our survival, all of us brave enough to share our story's here will make change in the young womens lives coming up behind us, when we support each others right to be validated for what happened to us....I have lived through the early days before and during the 70's womens rights movement. I have heard the ignorant and sickening comments made in courts by defense attorneys, when women bravely taking the stand, felt as if they were being violated all over again by these snakes in the grass..and to have to be here again in 2018, same stories...different dates....the system is still broken but we are not. Young women reading our stories and knowing we survived the worst...will know...they can stand up to their abusers and take back their power from these cowards and monsters....they should get life in prison, because we were given a life sentence from what was done to us by them.
Wow that was brilliantly well said faux and so true. I have been there too and remember being sexually assaulted at work way back in the 70's and 80's but it wasn't considered to be wrong really but just something women learned to put up with. I also remember the Yorkshire Ripper case back in the 70's when women were saying the police didn't seem to be taking it very seriously because it was 'only' prostitutes he was killing and what did they expect. it wasn't until he killed a 'respectable' woman that they intensified the search.
I know what you mean about same stories different dates etc. but some things have improved such as laws on domestic abuse and rape within marriage are not seen as acceptable so there is hope. I don't know if any of the young women round today would listen to us oldies as every young generation thinks the older ones know nothing. Maybe we have all got to learn from our own mistakes and not others. I know I didn't listen to older wise folk when I was young - did you? x
Thanks hypercat54...I hear what your saying...but with the feedback overall from the younger women here....maybe we have broken a few glass ceilings....I think our courage to speak up and back up younger women...forgive me for saying...but we do have the 'Me too' movement now, again in my lifetime....I think the women who may be more reluctant to listen or speak up are the ones who feel trapped by their own issues such as battered wife syndrome...and the ones who already have such low self esteem...they didn't feel they had the power or will to reach out, or get out of abusive situations.
Empowerment is always an important issue for women who feel they have none, learn by example is possible ....hope we can make change. And still many courts today in America are reversing women's rights and others rights as we share here now....I mean seriously....from the head down.....this snake is a hydra when it comes to who's responsible for the continuation of sexual harassment.
you two women are truly amazing... so true and so wise. reminds me so much of the women I've made so important to my life now. they're such bad asses.... they stand up for what they believe in, they fight for the rights they deserve and they give me the best advice I think any girl could ever ask for. I know some younger girls that think older women are crazy and talking out of their behind and don't know anything but I sit, legs folded, get comfy and just listen. take in all the words all the advice all the things theyve been through and how they dealt with it. how it was back then and how hard it sometimes was. I feel as if I can relate in a sense. I'm 19 years young and the older women I feel so inspiring and so amazing have shown me the importance of being a woman really is. a strong, brave, loving woman. they've molded me into the woman I am today. taught me that my struggles and bad past have made me a unstoppable woman. the world is in my hands.
thank you amcclantoc12, your a wise old soul in a young womans body. We learn by listening, and if we don't....history repeats itself....we make the same mistakes...same results.... The definition of insanity...doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results...it's time to take a permanent re-direct for women...still women are not paid the same salary as men in comparable positions, a pretty women is often still not taken seriously by her male counter parts....unless she signs their checks. Be in charge of your own direction, and never give up...never let anyone take your power, and be anything you dream you can be...with passion and ambition....but most importantly, ... be true to yourself...be happy.....
You are a lot wiser and mature than I was at your age am! It only comes from having been round the block a few times and surviving to tell the tale 
I remember hearing this. A woman wrote in her diary only 3 times in her life. The first when she was 20 'My mother knows nothing'. Second time at 40 'My mother might have known something after all'. The last time at 60 'My mother was right'. x
Yes. Is that because of Trump? I recommend all women to read 'The Woman's Room' by Marilyn French. Ok it's written in the early 70's(?) and set in the 50's but it shows very clearly how sexism works against women and how it sets off the anatomy is destiny trap. When I first read that it crystalised many thoughts I had and put them into words. Talk about consciousness raising! Amazing. x
thanks for that book info hypercat54....I watched my mother live the real life version of that show...'Mad Men'.....the 50's and 60's....I saw first hand that mentality. My mother is a very attractive women, and being divorced somehow meant she was fodder for the unwanted attentions of cheating boss husbands....she had no problem getting a job...it was dodging the sexist crap that made it hard to keep a job.
At age 13 my girlfriend's mom and "mom's creature" lived with this other guy in his 60's in his home. BOOM. *The guy that owned the house* That was the one.
It lasted for about two years, and my father was all buddy buddy with this 60+ year old leach. And equal opportunity statutory rapist too, this one. How nice. The teflon Don Juan of kids.
The best I can figure is, "I have not walked a mile in their shoes, and if they put their problems on a table and I put my problems on a table, I'd gladly take mine back."
I am going to be 50 this fall, and beginning to talk about what happened was the best start and healing I made, and I have had some time to process my own nightmare and the process I followed.
About the forgiveness part, that is also key. Your journey may be similar in some ways, and very different in others, so take what fits, and leave what doesn't on a shelf becasue it is going to fit someone some day, and people that need healing from this type of humiliating and confusing abuse having a friend that has something that fits them can make a big difference in moving further from Rape Victim, and finding more relief as life comes back into focus as sexual abuse survivor.
You are talking about this, and that's what matters, because once the silence is broken, you will find people along the way that you will be able share particularly troubling aspects of what happened to you, and more and more it will become a smaller and smaller part of your daily life, provided the abuse has in fact stopped completely, and dear God I hope it has. I pray you are safe and far away from harm, and that you never have to endure so painful and confusing again.
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