The darkness of loneliness

[BrownEyesBlue]

So I was talking to someone I had dated before. It’s been a couple months and everything seemed to be going well. I found out through a friend that he was talking to another girl. This isn’t a girl he knows or has been in his life for a while. He knew her years ago and the chat is very flirtatious and I noticed our conversations were less frequent. This friend actually sent me screen shots that he had sent them of her telling him about her “toys”; sexual memes and her in the bathtub. I confronted him and told him it hurt me and I felt neglected. He responded by getting defensive and saying she was his friend and he wasn’t gonna stop talking to her. I told him I was worth more than that and gave him the option of her or me. That I wasn’t gonna stand by and get my heart broken again.

It doesn’t help that I have my insecurities. I’m a bigger woman and I can be down on myself. But I do know I am worth and deserve more because I have a lot to offer. It also doesn’t help he sent her a song that was and I quote “written about her”. It was Barbie Girl. He’s referred to my incessant talking as me having a blow hole, never shutting up and even sadly, a whale. There’s been other things that just make me feel like shit about myself.

And I know. Block him. Delete him. But I’m so tired of feeling so irreplaceable and not good enough. He says he has real feelings for me and she’s just a friend and I’m being stupid. Forgive me if I find that hard to believe.

I’m just sad. This hasn’t been an easy time in my life. I just feel so alone and that I’m going to be alone forever. I’m trying to be okay by myself but it’s hard.

I’m not crazy. Friends don’t share those things do they? I have male friends and I don’t do that. He even went as far as to say I’m trying to control him and don’t want him to have friends. That’s not it at all. It’s her.

Someone please give me some feedback. I’m tired of crying and making myself crazy thinking I’m the one that’s wrong.

[Hidden]

In the name of being afraid of being lonely or staying alone, I get this.

I see this as staying ‘stuck’ and the right person will never have a chance because you’ll still be with this dude, even if unhappy, you’ll try to keep holding on to what may be unhealthy to fill a void.

I wish you the best no matter the choice.

[hypercat54]

I think you are on the rebound and it's too soon to be getting into another relationship just yet. It's very common though. The advice I give you is to forget about dating for a while and put men on the back burner for now.

Concentrate on other aspects of your life and fill it full of friends and fun and enjoy being single for a while. When you least expect it you will find love again. x

[BrownEyesBlue]

Thanks to everyone who responded but I wanted advice as to whether I’m bat shit crazy and if this is a typical situation and I shouldn’t even be upset about it. Was I wrong for saying her or me.

[senorab12]

You’re not crazy and you’re in every right to be treated the way you deserve, it’s not crazy to ask someone to treat us with respect but he is not doing it. He’s victimizing himself and trying to make you feel like you’re in the wrong, don’t fall into his games, he doesn’t deserve you and I know you’re scared of being alone, I am, but that doesn’t mean we have to lower our standards or allow this type of “love”. It seems you have good friends because they’re trying to show you his real side. Stay away from him, if he has real feelings for you like he says, he wouldn’t be talking to this girl. Give yourself the respect you need and leave him. You are more than enough, like I said don’t fall into his mind games. You’ll find someone that sees how much you’re worth and then you’ll understand why you made the right choice of staying away from guys like this.