I would like to die please .. actually just decided.. there is no point..what is the actual point .. I actually have no idea right now why I’m even taking up oxygen!!!
What is my purpose??? I have no purpose anymore.. none ... I work , I pay bills , I’m miserable, sad , lonely... I have no idea why I’m here !!!
I’m so sorry you are feeling this way but please know that you are not alone. What type of job do you have?
Oh no it's not that easy I'm afraid. If it was many of us would be gone, myself included. First you will need to find a method you are happy with, and second have or acquire the means. Very few methods are completely painless after all.
It's much less hassle instead to get some medical help including therapy and understand that as it took a long time for your issues to develop it will take time before you see any results.
And what about your children? Don't kid yourself they would ever get over it coz they wouldn't. All you would do pass on your pain to them for the rest of their lives. Could you do this to them? x
keep strong, Your purpose will eventually be exposed
i’m sorry that you’re going through a hard time.. but trust me, you can get through this. right now you might not see your purpose, but you matter and you’ll be so glad one day when you look back and think “wow i can’t believe i made it”. if you really can’t bare the pain anymore, try to seek for professional help, it’s a lot more helpful than you might think and if you ever need to rant, you can always dm me or just vent here.
You are the crowning achievement of creation. Superior to anything in our Solar System!
Unless you don't mind suffering horribly, and causing others great pain and suffering, suicide is no answer. If you think about it, you will come to the decision that it is not an option now or ever, which is great, that means you can put the idea out of your mind, and not waste another minute thinking about it. If you aren't sure how to stop being haunted by this or any other thought, Let me know. I would love to help you, just as others helped me!
I’m not about to put anyone through anything.. I’m just saying if my prayers are answered.. I’d like to go please .. I have no purpose on this planet.. there is no point to my taking up space .. I’m tired I’m ready to go ..
Yes I get that. I have spent many a time wishing for that, but somehow time ticks on and it doesn't happen. I think you have suicide ideation, that is common too. x
I don’t want to commit suicide!! I just want to die ..there’s a difference!
I understand its just you want to get relief from this hellish life.
its ok.
Suicide ideation includes wanting to die as well.
The point is I actually... have gone past caring ..if I never see the light of day again it’s fine ...I no this is selfish.. but my space here could be given to someone else... like the little child Ill with disease.. I’m not afraid.. I’m not depressed.. I’m not anxious Even ... strangely calm !! I’m not in physical pain .. it’s the thoughts.. it’s the mind it’s the Shear torment of going over and over .. what is the point .. my grown teens have had all day to ring or message .. they haven’t.. they’re with their father .. I’m out cast !! I’m a horrible person.. I must be they went to him!
It’s fine .. I’m in a good place now .
I'm sorry you’re suffering so much.....and like Hypercat said...many of us have been right there with you, and many here are there now too....it's a horrible disease, its unbearable some days....and leaves us in this purgatory of darkness we think is never going to end. You have to believe that this is the disease of depression that has you feeling this way, this disease lies to us, but there is help...it’s not easy...but why live in this hell if there are options to explore. That I think is worth a shot....and yes...some work and some don't ...at best there are mostly bandaids like SSRI's and therapy....ultimately we have to do the foot work. And it's something we have to learn to manage the best we can. I know you don’t want to commit suicide…you just want relief….
Thank you , already on 10ml of citalipram .. have been for years .
If it's not working it may be worth a change....I went through the medication merry-go-round for decades....then a second gen. SSRI came out that finally worked. It works for me, but some it does not. We are all different chemically. I hope you find peace....I know it's fleeting sometimes....but if you have the ups and downs cycle of depression like I do...I know this too shall pass when on the down side.
I’ve made an appointment this morning with a dr I trust.. have to wait till feb .. but she’s worth seeing as she knows my story.. thank you
1973, that's quite a decision to make at a moment's notice dear.
You're not thinking straight right now. You do have a purpose in life
and it's those kids.
Believe me when I say they do need you more than either of you know right
now. You are all going through a transitional stage. As for your husband, he
is in his own little world right now and doesn't realize that what goes around
comes around. Right now my belief is that the kids are responding to the fact
that "dad is back in their lives" after having been absent for so many of their
years. It won't last, when the newness wears off and problems present themselves
in the future, he will run and hide from his responsibility.
I know of a long time friend who made the choice to leave after years of unhappiness
and abuse. The husband got the house, all the belongings and the children. My friend
lived in an apartment. The ex husband got remarried and moved into a beautiful
mansion. The kids missed mom and made his life hell so he gave them up.
Fast forward to today, he's an old man having been married 4 times and divorced
4 times. He lives alone. Children have nothing to do with him. It's sad but my friend
now enjoys her relationship with her grown children as well as grandchildren.
Life is a learning experience. Sometimes we need to wait for it to play out. Because
of that, we can't make hasty decisions that could upset the balance of life's events.
Right now you need a woman friend who can be there to comfort and listen to you.
Know that we can be that support you need. We care so much for each other. We
want everyone to be safe and have a place to come to when life looks so bleak.
We're here for you. Sending you a gentle hug of support. Give it time please. 
xx
“Life is a Learning Experience”. Agora1 used a phrase that I love and am only now beginning to accept. I have had times in my life when I felt as you do. Please believe me; life happens so fast, circumstances change, and you will NOT feel like this forever. Acknowledge your sadness and then change your routine. It works sometimes by nudging you out of that sort of mood. Maybe there are organizations you can become part of, or volunteer with. You are no where alone....a lot of us have been there. Good luck
Great reply x
You are so right Agora... Give it time!
Without going into detail, my life got messed up a bit like that 30 years ago, but now I am so much closer to my grown up children and my 8 grandchildren, I couldn't wish for a better relationship with them all.
It was very hard once, and when you are in that position it's easy to want to just bow out... But life changes and although that transitional time can be bloody hard, it's worth the suffering...
So 1973, don't give up, don't dispair. It's hard right now, but it will get better.... ❤️
Aww thank you .. it’s lovely to hear that things could get better.
I’ve always been close with both my children and done the best by them .. that’s why it’s hard to accept they’ve gone with him.. to be fair my son is at uni mostly and when he’s off he works with his dad .. so that makes sense ., my daughter is at college and dad is currently running her from a-b something he’d of never done when we were together.. so that’s why she’s there , plus they both get there own rooms .. plus’s all round for them when I think logically. Just hurts like hell . Thank you for the reply.
That actually should have said 20 years, not that it really matters, I'm just not that ancient! 😊
My kids seem to lean towards their Father as he had the money and could do things for them... I couldn't.
But as they got older they seemed to realise what he did to me and how the situation affected me, and to be honest the whole situation has turned around a bit. To the poi T where I told my younger son he needs to make amends with his Dad.
It still hurts when they visit him, and I've often thought I must be boring to visit in comparison, as their dad has a whole new family too. But that's Just being silly... My grandchildren love staying with me in the holidays, and we now have family holidays away each year when we all get together at least once a year. Of course I have to share Christmas.
I recall when this all first happened to me, a friend said to me that it wouldn't always be like this. At the time her kind words did nothing for me, I couldn't see a happy time ahead. I would wake in the mornings and think, oh no not another day... Of pain and anguish.
My friend was right, I had to get on with life, work etc. It didn't change over night and I didn't notice it happening, but it has...
Hang on in there... things will change and you will have special times with your children.
If you want to have a rant ever, you are welcome to message me.
Take care xx
I love this reply so much.. it’s exactly how I’m feeling and want to feel in the future all rolled into one !
I too have kind , wise friends who are saying it won’t always be like this and I need to be patient..
thing is they go home to their husbands , families and lovely homes ..and I’m left wondering.. should I have put up , shut up and that would be me still !
Anyway I just hope I’ll be one day able to own my own home and give them a base too .. thank you for your positivity and encouragement.. take care .
But I’m not upset anymore.. I’m calm .. and know they’ll be ok .. they don’t need or want me .. it’s fine they turned out to be great kids .. I’m proud they’re so lovely., it’s fine I’m fine .., actually feeling very peaceful!
1973, I'm glad you're calm. Did you take something to relax?
Want you safe. You're important to me. xx
Hey 1973
I know that feeling.. it like the anxiety and angst in ur body jusy goes and u feel at ease and it like thats it im done... u dont wana commit suicide u just feel like uve had ur time...
I was like this about 8 years ago.. like u always suffered with anxiety even as a kid ( im 45 now)
I just wanted out!
I wouldnt have killed meself as i would have upset to many people but i was done with it all.
I told my dr and he sent me to a hynotherapist/therapist, i thought “ oh here we go” im not into all that TALKING stuff...
It changed my life...
It made me realise i wasnt bad, i wasnt anything i thought i was... it was my anxiety and self hate... she taught me to love myself and love life again.
I got a dog... i started running... i went to a keep fit club... i made friends..
It changed me
Plus she gave me coping mechanisms for when i feel it coming over me again.
Mayb u should try it...
Thank you.. just the fact you get what I’m saying is a relief.. I just can’t figure out why I’m still here .. now my 19 year old son and 17 year old daughter have moved in with their dad .. he’s been able to afford to buy a house ... I’m pleased that they now have a home .. but I’m completely redundant now .. unfollowed no animals are allowed in my rental either so my dogs and cats have had to go with him too !
I’m pleased you’ve found yourself... and maybe I’ll look into therapy again .. I paid once ... but couldn’t afford it now and I fo know in my area the waiting list is 18months 2 years ..so it might be tricky..
I don’t like myself at all or the shell of a person I now feel .. I want my sparkle back , or at least an ember ... to run with !
Thank you x
I would say ur ex husband not helping the situation by basically taking everything u love including ur animals...
ur teenagers are unfortunately at that age where they only care about themselves and who can give them most( materialistic) but they will realise u are there only mother!!!
Just try to make ur life better they will b drawn to you if they see u making ur life better... mayb seeing u makes them sad which teenagers are not mature enough to deal with that.
Honestly take it from someone that was exactly like u it will get better!
Also join a dating app, get out there .. date.. feel attractive again... let someone make u feel special coz u are
My dog went too! Sounds like the same story..
I understand that you feel like you're fine, I can also tell that you are a very intelligent person. If you look at your posting objectively you will realize that you are far from fine. Sorry but I know it, and so does everyone else on here. I am sorry to be so brutally honest with you, but I feel a need to help you wake up. I'll shut up now, but please understand that I have nothing but Good will for you!
You are so right Billsfriend. We all handle our sorrow in stages. One being denial.
I'm glad there is a safe place to come when life isn't easy.
It's early days of your new life it looks like he has won atm but who knows what the future holds
Look after yourself and trust God
I am sorry you feel that way. I feel like that too some days. I am praying to think positive by meditating on the word of God. I am learning to take it a day at a time. I believe I am important to society. I pray you do also.
Same. except I’m 17 so I don’t really pay any bills yet. :/ and I know what you may be thinking “whatttt you’re so young. You have the rest of your life ahead of you” well... you do too. Our lives are equally important to other people. And that’s what holds me back idk about you. That’s your purpose is to be with the people who love you. Maybe travel to get your mind off of things. It doesn’t have to be far. But just like a mini vacation. That sounds nice
17 .. is a very difficult age .. my daughter is just coming up to 17 and she’s struggling big time .. emotions and hormones are all over the place . I ache to be there for her because I know what she’s going through. Yes at 17 you do have your whole life ahead of you but that doesn’t rule out that you’ve not going to have ups and downs .. probably more so in this day in age than I ever had to encounter at 17 .. I think the pressures are massive... and it makes me sad . You are very wise for 17 .. I hope everything works out well for you.
***Trigger warning: Do you ever wonder why people actually commit suicide 
What are you craving today?
anxiety and depression
Feeling unwanted and useless 
Please help me get started! 
