Some days are better than: I am trying... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Some days are better than

Billsfriend
Billsfriend

I am trying Soo hard to be a better more understanding and helpful husband. But today was really difficult for me. It started with the realization that my wife packed several quarts of shampoo for our trip. She knows I try to pack light.

Later 4 of us are crossing the street, as we proceed across she drops back. I have explained to her that doing so confused drivers and makes it more likely that someone will be hit. It just goes on like this, almost constantly. If I say black she says white, up down.

I find it difficult to be patient and loving under constant attack.

Help

15 Replies
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Would it help to realize these are differences between the two of you and not meant to be an attack? You pack light, she might like to be prepared for any eventuality on a trip. She might need some encouragement when crossing the road. It simply sounds like personality differences to me.

Billsfriend
Billsfriend in reply to mtnee

You are of course right. I have to accept that she can and will do anything she wants to do, any way she wants to do it.

But I miss the spirit of cooperation and comprise that was the Hallmark of our happy relationship.

The truth is that I know I am responsible for that loss, and I work hard on a daily basis to let things go. Still sometimes it's harder to do.

Especially if it involves safety, as in crossing the street in an organized fashion. Or driving in an unsafe manner. I solved the driving problem by doing All of the driving myself.

Really I'm just venting. We get along well most of the time.

Your behavior sounds a little controlling to me . Do you question all her decisions? These seem like insignificant matters to me, not worth bringing up. It's wonderful that you are trying to be more supportive, maybe you could give her a little more space too. Pam

You are definitely right, I was raised in this environment, and it's all I know. I have 7 sisters, and they all rule the roost with an iron fist. I know I can and will do better, but it's very difficult to change 65 years of behavior overnight.

Give me another day or two!

It is hard, but being aware of the issue puts you way ahead. Good for you!

Mmc3
Mmc3 in reply to Billsfriend

Tell me what email address you received

Mmc3
Mmc3 in reply to Billsfriend

Hi, it's okay if you didn't receive my email. I'll send you later. I think I did some mistake that's why you didn't receive it.

I agree with Sweetiepie. Based on this post and some of your others, you sound very critical of your wives choices.

Is the issue really about the shampoo? Her crossing the street? Or is there something more going on here? Sounds like a control issue to me too.

If she wants to pack 10 bottles of shampoo who cares. She is not you. She can pack anyway she wants to. She's been crossing the street her whole life.

Unless she has a medical issue causing this, my advice would be to just let her be her own person and you be yours.

You are not going to recapture a Hallmark relationship arguing over shampoo.

Are you fighting your wife or your seven sisters?

That's an interesting point. Never looked at that angle when I was reading.

Actually my father was an alcoholic, and extremely abusive and controlling.

We all grew up knowing we didn't want to be my Mom. I never wanted to be my Father either.

While I was protective of my sisters, I was also an outsider.

Hi, sorry I didn't reply. Actually I didn't saw your pm. Problem is I still have no success with sending a pm. But you can send me your pm 😊

I will read them carefully 😊

I pray for you and your family 🙏

Don't worry you can tell me anything you want. Keep sending me your pm 😊

Hi, tell me if you receive my email by pm me

Maybe if you said less, she might collaborate again with you again more? Sometimes the less we say and do, the more we actually get from relationships. It’s definitely easier said than done. But worth a try maybe?

Thanks, that definitely works, it's hard for me to do, because I feel like I'm being mean. But there really is no other option.

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