some days are easier than others

[Madysen019]

Today is one of those days where I find myself feeling stuck and lonely.

I don’t have friends, and that’s honest.

There are people I know that I have tried to hang out with but when push comes to shove, they make up excuses to not hang out and then don’t ever text me. The past few times I’ve actually made plans , I drove and I paid because they said money was tight. And I’ve been in that place and have had people help me so I pay it forward. I’ll try to make plans , they’ll say their busy and then I see them with 3-4 other people out at dinner when just the other day they said money was tight. It makes me feel really unwanted and used.

The one person I talk to daily is my boyfriend. Our biggest roadblock right now is distance since he is based with the Army 1,700 miles from where I am.

We talk everyday and play video games together online and I am grateful we have the ability to do that.

It’s just days like today where all I want to do is be next to him and watch movies and cuddle that are the hardest. I know that this is just the way things are going to be for until he is done. I know he will come visit eventually and I am trying to plan to go out to see him sometime in the spring.

It’s hard to not to have anyone to talk to about it.

I understand I chose this and knew this is the way things are going to be and i love him and he loves me.

I just wish I had a friend I could talk to about it...

[frommywindow]

I'm always here to talk. I love my friends but only one of my friends has struggled with something close to what I have, so I don't feel like I can talk to them because I don't think they would understand.

[Hidden]

Hey Madysen

Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. I have had similar feelings in the past you can read my old posts and see some advice that people gave me there, it really helped me a lot .

I will be your friend and so will a lot of people here I’m sure.

Some of the things I changed in life are:

A lot more hobbies: painting, baking, gardening, walking by myself with an audiobook in my ears. This filled up my time, distracted me from my loneliness and sad thoughts and it even built up my confidence.

Then once I built confidence I even started to go out to small cafes by myself.

Thanks to all the advice from here I realised... having lots of friends who don’t want to care isn’t important, caring for myself IS ! And also don’t let them make you feel bad about yourself or anything x it’s their problem not yours x

[laylayla]

hey Madysen, I have the same exact problem with people as. you have. Every time I try running after them, or trying to make them like me. Many times I do it subconsciously, without even realising, but every time I get let down.

What I have learned is to avoid these so called "friends" and to search for new ones, which sounds easier than it is (particularly with my anxiety that makes me overanalyse everything and creating some emotional reactions that alter my thoughts about the person), but you have to keep on trying, because eventually you'll find someone that appreciates you for who you are.

During the bad moments, I also want to just curl up in my boyfriends arms, but I can't because he doesn't live very near me but also because he doesn't fully understand.

[Madysen019 in reply to laylayla]

I understand where you are coming from. I was in a long term relationship until this past October and he didn’t understand that’s why I wanted his attention so much. I’ve never had a solid friend group like he did and couldn’t just make plans with 6 other people. But now, my boyfriend is in the same boat as me. We aren’t really people persons because we are easily aggravated when people “play games” with our emotions. We really have only each other which is both a good and bad thing. I have learned how to communicate in a healthy way with him instead of constantly demanding his attention because he is very busy. Even though we set aside time to talk it’s difficult not being able to just take what I call a “stress nap” to reboot with him.

[laylayla in reply to Madysen019]

We just seem not to manage to communicate in a healthy way most of the times. We are both difficult people and have our problems, but we don't seem to be able to cope with the other's problems. It makes us very close at times but other times it just seems to drive us so far apart...it hurts me so much every time

[Madysen019 in reply to laylayla]

That was a big driving factor in the discussion my ex and I had when we were breaking up. Now I’m not saying that’s the solution. I too hurt everytime because I noticed each time we argued the further we got. The worst feeling was when he would start choosing his friends over spending time with me. The biggest time I noticed this was when he got back from a 3 week trip and I had been taking care of his moms house and dog. He barely even hugged me before taking off for 4 hours to go see his friends telling me he had made plans with them the same day I had asked him to when he got home. Then had the nerve to beg me to stay the night with him.

I went to see him for our 2 year anniversary on his campus and he started breaking up with me over our “celebration” dinner. After we left I was furious and let all my pent up feelings of anger and hurt out and didn’t filter my feelings. It was so hard to realize that we had fallen out of love and that we were both just nervous to say anything about it. He didn’t under some of my feelings and at that point I didn’t expect him to because I knew I had done nothing but my best to make things work.

Everything happens for a reason and now I am convinced I’ve found my future husband. Sometimes it takes a big step back to realize what’s best.

[laylayla in reply to Madysen019]

thanks for your support <3

[ashesb03]

I have the same problem! My so called best friend hasn't even texted or called since I broke down to her about my anxiety. Unfortunately shes not a real friend. My true best friend that I've had since i was 16 has really been there for me. I'll be your friend though. You can always message me. One thing I like til do is go eat lunch by myself. I used to feel bad for people that did that because I thought they were lonely. But it is the greatest thing ever. You get to eat where you want to and it's nice having some quiet time. Try to find a hobby. Or go to a movie. But don't hesitate to message me if you want.

[Bay123]

Hey Madysen,

I am so sorry you are feeling lonely. A lot of people on here can relate to that feeling. I know I have struggled with that feeling too. Currently I don't have any really great girlfriends where I live. I moved to LA a few years ago and it can be difficult to make friends with everyone's crazy schedules and the fact that I am not in the bar scene. One thing I have learned that has changed how I view friendship is that it takes some work to find the good ones and its definitely about quality over quantity. Those people you are trying to make plans with sound like they aren't the good ones. And know that them not being good friends doesn't have anything to do with your own self worth. Sometimes you need to venture out of your circle. Do you have to opportunity to try some new things where you might meet some people?

[Madysen019 in reply to Bay123]

I’m very much a homebody and get really nervous going out by myself. I am going on a daycation for myself to the beach and a little small town area this week which is a big jump for me. I know I tend to have an “aggressive” personality. Not in a negative way but in a I get very excited and hyper and am goofy and loud and laugh a lot way. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I know that but it’s hard when I think I connect with people only to find out they find me to be “too much”.

[Bay123 in reply to Madysen019]

Try to enjoy the beach! It's great that you are going by yourself. I go to the beach by myself a lot. Its actually really nice. I used to feel like I couldn't go anywhere here without my husband or a friend but since I got out of my comfort zone, I have been much happier. And that's how you meet people. You should start looking into some things you might be interested in and I bet you'll find some like-minded people.

[Ingramk]

You can always talk to me. I personally do not feel like I have any friends either at this point in my life. They are all either married and busy with their own lives, or have moved away, or we have just lost touch. My depression has done that for me. I have no one I can go out with, or hang out with, period...except my daughter. Sad thing is..she is the same way with extreme depression and anxiety and has no one really either. I dont even have a significant other, as he was cheating on my 3 years ago and I left him. I have no desire to find someone to be that part of my life, except that I do....just dont have the effort it takes to make that happen.

[srj555]

I agree that making new real friends is very difficult. Im a native Las Vegan. With it being such a transient city, people come and go often. It seems crazy that with all of the social media we have access to, I feel more disconnected that ever. It’s seems friendship today means something different to people (how many likes you have or comments on Instagram or Facebook). People are your “friends” in those environments but I find that in times of need, they are really not there for you. There are very few people in my life that I can really open up to. I wish someone could give me a blueprint for how to find and establish lasting friendship with people who will have each other’s back no matter what. That is what friendship means to me.

[Hidden]

Like yourself and the others who have commented, I have always been a shy, introverted homebody type. I've always been unable to make and or maintain friendships. Its just a feeling of I don't know how to do it. I'm quiet around other people and more often they mistakenly take it personally as if I don't like them or I don't get included because of how little I talk.

I imagine its extremely difficult being away from the one you want to be with the most. I think you can at least be proud of the fact you are trying to search for people to be friends with.