I am new here and feeling very overwhelmed with life

[Mickey1953]

I lost my husband, the only person who "got" me in 1993, just before Christmas. Every year, I suffer through all the "joy" of the season, and this year it has been extended, due to another recent loss. None of my "friends" understand, and I feel very alone and depressed. I am so tired of the struggle to survive, and hope that someone here has had similar issues and can relate to how I feel.

[Hidden]

That's horrible. I lost a person very close to me right before Christmas. I was crushed when I heard about his death, so I can definitely relate.

[Mickey1953 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, it is horrible, and so few others understand. Thanks for the support.

[Hidden in reply to Mickey1953]

Yes, it is. Nobody was really that close to him, except for me and his wife

[No1wthayla]

Mickey1953,

I have had some major losses in the past 10 years. My mom died 10 years ago January 31st Her boyfriend 3 years later. Then, in the past 5 years I have lost 2 great aunts, my grandfather, my dad, my grandmother and my uncle. Then the last one was a year ago January 4th when my mother-in-law had a stroke. Some were sudden illnesses or accidents and others were long-term problems. And my two sisters are no longer speaking with me.

Some days I feel lost in a sea of grief and I break down. I have to let myself grieve because I'm being strong for others. I don't crack often and I usually hide in my bedroom or even the shower so no one sees me. But driving is my favorite way to deal with all kinds of emotions. The holidays have been really lonely and some days were horribly depressive. But I have to go on, right? I tell myself that things need to be done. I have to remind myself that I can do what I need to do and that I do matter to some folks. I just keep pushing myself forward!

[Mickey1953 in reply to No1wthayla]

Yes, we have to go on, but sometimes it feels like I have so many holes in my heart that I just can't.

You have had so many losses; I'm so sorry. I lost my father some years after my husband, and they were my two great friends and protectors. I am alone now except for my beloved pets, without whom I couldn't live. And my mother is still alive, but we have had "issues" all my life.

I used to find driving therapeutic, until I was working at a stressful job with a 3 hour round trip commute, and it kind of morphed into road rage. So now I curl up with my sweetest kitty, and he helps a lot. Hopefully this site will help, too.

Thanks for sharing your story.

[No1wthayla in reply to Mickey1953]

I love both of my cats, Ralphie and Spike. They like to snuggle a lot. Ralphie likes to sit on my shoulders when I cook. I don't let him do that if dinner is for guests.

My grandfather and I weren't talking. My dad, he died in July of 2017 or 18, and his second wife didn't tell his family in Arkansas for 3 days. And then myself and my siblings found out in November that same year. Talk about a shocker. But I didn't like my dad much either.

I find it really helpful to talk here. Even just reading that somebody else has had similar issues to my own? That at least makes me feel that I'm not alone in this.

[Mickey1953 in reply to No1wthayla]

What would we do without our kitties?

Any loss, even a troubled relationship, brings up issues and is difficult to deal with. It takes time to work through them, and less 'aware' friends don't want to deal with all that.

And yes, just being here with others helps, knowing that we are not alone.

[Booklover0219]

I understand how you feel and I’m very sorry for your loss. I suffer terribly through the holidays too. It’s for different reasons than yours but I do understand how tough the holidays are and I dread it every year. I’m here to listen if you need to talk.

[Mickey1953 in reply to Booklover0219]

Thank you, I appreciate your offer.

The lights, the commercials on tv, the holiday movies... sometimes I just want to get into a sensory deprivation tank and stay there.