Only son, his wife and 2 granddaughters are estranged from his Dad and me, his Mom and they have nothing to do with us for 5 years already.

[miles45]

I am new here and I have a very depressing problem. I have one son, a d.i.l. and 2 granddaughters and they have had nothing to do with me and my husband for 5 years already. I have tried everything I could to find out why they do not want anything to do with us. Our son ripped me and my husband apart last Oct. 2019 when we stopped to see him and he was out of control with his temper with foul language to us, then told us to get out and he never wanted to see me nor his dad ever again. We did so much for him growing up, paying for his college education, helping him move several times, and so much more. Every time he needed or wanted something he always came to us and we never said no to him for anything. We do not what to do anymore, and it is so very depressing never to see our 2 granddaughters since they were in 2nd grade, now they are 13 years old and in 7th grade. Why do adult children treat some parents so horribly, have no respect, no thankfulness for anything parents try to do their best with their children and now, at our ages, 82 and 74, thank you very much for anyone's help.

[Hidden]

How upsetting. Im a grandparent too and would be devastated to be separated from them. Is it possible your son has mental health issues or on drugs? Would he respond to a letter?

[Hisue]

Perhaps you can have someone like a pastor or priest reach out for you as a neutral party, so that you can determine what caused the estrangement- can’t fix what you don’t know about. I am having estrangement issues with my grown children as well; so I understand the heartbreak.

[hatemyhead]

miles, very sorry to hear this, very sad, think really hard, there must have been something that happened about 5 yrs ago. your son may indeed have an untreated mental illness, my only suggestion would be to keep trying, sending the girls birthday presents, sending your son and daughter birthday presents, christmas, hanukkah or whatever presents, make sure to recognize the daughters birthday, their anniversary, the problem may actually be with the wife. keep writing letters asking about the girls, just don't give up it is not natural to shun grandparents. good luck and prayers

[Cassie2178]

I'm so very sad to hear about this family separation. I have found in speaking to broken families that sometimes offenses occur that the parents saw as non-offensive but the adult child saw as relationship ending. Only you know what words have been spoken between yourselves and your son and his wife. If you have been negative about his wife more than once or made it seem as if she has somehow stolen him from you, he may be cutting you off to keep you from causing his nuclear family pain. So many parents don't realize their place when their adult child has a family of their own. As parents to adult children we can often believe our child still belongs to us and the way we loved and parented (through provision) as a child gives us the right to expect something of our adult children. Unfortunately, in doing these seemingly loving expression (though actually smothering) we create a hatred within our adult children against us. Why? Because we have not properly delineated the line between ourselves and our adult child. Parents often walk away after a tirade like this feeling confused and defeated, but I would encourage you to stop feeling like the victim and arm yourself with some counseling. You can call 1-855-382-5433 to find a counselor near you to help you walk through these hurtful areas. I hope you make the call and find success in your relationship with your son. Hugs.

[miles45 in reply to Cassie2178]

Thank you so much for your wise advice regarding my only son, his wife and my 2 granddaughters.

[Booklover0219]

I’m very sorry you’re going through this. I agree with the suggestion to see a counselor and move on with your own lives. I’m going through this too and that is what I am trying to do. We can’t control or change the situation - especially when it’s complicated and almost impossible to understand.

[miles45 in reply to Booklover0219]

Thank you so much for your concern and advice.