HELP! ONLY THOSE who have improved/managed GREATLY/healed from EXTREME Generalized ANXIETY DISORDER, MAJOR DEPRESSION DISORDER, ANEDONIA

[Faithandhope4]

Not crying wolf, after 17 months of this cycle I almost gave up yesterday (had come off klonopin for 2 weeks then had to watch a suicide prevention video within my field of work not for the public from my employer even though I’m not officially working), never would have thought I’d get that close…..legitemitly scared of not being able to keep going and having this thought keep getting closer b/c of the pain and insight of people forced to endure this their whole lives (40 now……cant do it rest of whatever life I have left).......... DESPERATELY need ONLY THOSE who have improved/managed GREATLY/healed from EXTREME Generalized ANXIETY DISORDER, MAJOR DEPRESSION DISORDER, COMPLETE ANEDONIA…….can’t do it anymore............pace all day, have absolutely no feeling to things at all, even kids and family who I love in my heart that is frozen, see no use/purpose in anything.......cant read, watch tv, movies, music…..........minutes are hours, days last forever......BRAIN has flipped completely to negative idiations of ending it

......dont want to do anything, but cant sit still at all……pace and look for anything to do.....have pushed myself to try everything these 17 months......sought help voluntarily at a hospital for 10 days, went to an outpatient facility specializing in anxiety/depression for 4 months, talking in beginning to so many good friends and family (even the ones who are nervously ill themselves for years), talk therapy 1-2 times a week for 15 months with a therapist, seeing phyciatrist 1-2 times a month, trying meds to supplement dr weekes concepts to calm of FACE, ACCEPT, FLAOT THOUGHTS, TIME, trying CBT, DBT, Meditation, yoga, running, walking, TMS, trying hobbys after all loss of interest/ ability to feel anything for 17 months has hit complete exhaustion and loss of hope.......not seeing results and feeling extreme downward decline as my mind only goes to all negative and now is thinking of one thing very repeatedly that i never would have thought i'd consider, I’m the most legitimitly scared/concerned i've ever been.......I know the behavioral health hospital cant help, and I cant be put in an institution, no way. The nervous exhaustion that has hit, adrenaline/cortisole being so high and not being able to reduce it by any means, has made my mind turn completely against seeing possibilities like it once did for a small period of time.

Cant hold conversations with people…..no ability to care about what they are saying, or know what to talk about, or get over how miserable I feel and don’t care………previously was at least able to fake converstations…….in my heart I want to talk, but cant.

Able to leave house, but just go from one place to another and cant just enjoy or be okay being in 1 place….always feel like I have to go somewhere else. Yet cant find that calm/safe place.

Meds are helping put me to sleep, that’s it.

Came off klonopin 3 times for 2 week periods, each time I lost my mind, broke down, couldn’t calm down, paced, cried, saw death coming……….i also felt that way 17 months ago when initial panic attack hit for days….then not sleeping for 5 days…..voluntarily checked myself into behavioral health center for 10 days……..didnt get any better there……pacing and inability to find anything to do, anhedonia already hit then was even more bored on top of it……..was put on klonopin towards end, helped take it 1 step down………..felt my personality and patience changing months before panick attack. Have removed almost every stressor that caused the attack…..nerves are extremely oversentsitized and cant hear any bad news, or even see homeless or sick people without completely internalizing it and not seeing why or how we can keep going further in life. I have a relationship with Jesus Christ and faith………..but feel my mind is so damaged and turned it needs to be fixed or nothing will change…….a medical breakthrough or surgery feels like it’s the only thing to save me………I know mind controls body and anxiety feelings are just feelings, thoughts are just thoughts, but I feel I’m in the statistical category of those who don’t recover and end up not making it.

MORE BACKGROUND: In great shape whole life had genetic high blood pressure since 16 (on lisinopril 25+ years ) which any source of it has never been identified, and restless leg syndrome

TRUE HELP NEEDED… cant live like this everyday

FEEL ONLY A MIRACLE OR MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH for surgery of brain can remotely save me…………nervous ilnness and depression has worsened as it has gone down family line…….have been in a public safety career for 18 years……can’t function and can’t mentally, physically, spiritually, or emotionally find any more energy to push…………drained and shaking Brother saved me yesterday…..afraid of this possibility

Meds tried or on: Lamotragine, Clonazapam, xanax, Effexor XR, zoloft, Propanalol, Ropinirole, Trazadone, Buspirone, Zoloft (awful for me), serequil, lisonopril, gabapentin,lamotraginea, adderall

[AriaB]

I was in a similar state for a looong time. It felt like hell itself and it seemed to get worse and worse till it really was unbearable. I was misdiagnosed for a long time and put on a lot of medications that either didn't work or were harmful. Finally (after years) a Dr. woke up and realized I was in a bipolar depression. I was fortunate enough to respond to Lamictal. I hope your psychiatrist is being attentive to your discomfort and willing to maybe explore some more recently discovered treatments or more extreme. Push as much as you can. I hate to think of you trying to survive as things are. Earlier in my life I had one bout that eventually faded away on its own, but it took a while. My thoughts are with you, sister.

[Faithandhope4 in reply to AriaB]

Thank you. That gives a glimmer of hope. I'm actually on lamictal 100mg too as a "mood stabilizer". I'm glad to hear u were helped.

Hoping same for my psychiatrist, hopefully I'll be able to find out.