I'm writing because I'm having really dark thoughts again. I think, I've gotten worse? I've gotten more insecure and it's gone to the point that whenever I get a good look at my body, I want to throw up. There were several times in the past month where I wanted to hurt myself, but I forced myself to stop. Because that would make me too hypocritcal. I don't want my friends to think that I can't stop them from hurting themselves, when I can't even do that to myself.
To be honest, I want to try out new things, like a new style of clothes. I usually wear a shirt and jeans and I honestly want to wear a skirt or a dress. But I always get anxious of what other people are talking about behind my back that I get really self conscious, then I start to feel uncomfortable and then I start to have a hard time breathing and I just eventully change back to my old clothes.
I know this will soon be better
But it's so hard to think positively when all the things that are filling up your head are all dark
see you soon
Written by
IamnotAvery
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Believe me I know the feeling in so many ways and it only gets better so many people have told me I’m going to tell you I know it’s easier said than done but you have to love yourself and stop caring about what other people think I’m sure you are a very beautiful person inside and out it takes time but it will all come together in the end I know the feeling of feeling discussed with your body I was 230 pounds last year and now I have lost so much weight I say says I’m too skinny person to fat but I’m too skinny so I’m just disgusted with my body all the way around I had Gastric Sleeve Support Group (VSG) here to help me lose the weight because I couldn’t lose it and to feel better about myself
I have a lot of hanging skin I don’t like it but I know that can be fixed with surgery and surgery is not always the answer I have to start feeling good about myself and I can’t let anybody else bring me down I can’t get my own brain bring me down we all have our own issues that skinny I don’t care who you are we will have to start feeling better about ourselves I’m here for you if you need me
Thank you! It's honestly hard for me to not care what people say. Because most of the comments come from my family members who I really love. They claim that it's all said with good intentions and its to make me realize that I need to lose weight to be healthier, but I'm still human too, and the words that they say really hurts. Especially my aunt who was recently diagnosed with dementia. I used to think that she was the best person in the world when I was a kid, but now, every single thing that she says hurts me so badly.
There are certain times of the month where I have to meet her for our family business, and I would always get anxiety the night before and just last month I started to cry myself to sleep over how scared I was in meeting her every time. Thankfully my dad and my sibling knows and is very understanding when I would skip out on it and ask her to cover for me.
Thank you for reading my story. For the meantime, being heard and understood is enough for me.
Believe in yourself, love yourself, you do not have any idea what other people might be saying about you, are you a mind reader? Be kind to yourself, it is your life and you can do as you please,, you will be able to find dresses, blouse and skirts to fit you, so go for it, you deserve to be happy, and happyness comes from within, ask me that is where I get mine from. I do not care about what others might be saying, thinking whatever, it is my life and I will live it as I see fit. Life is to be lived and enjoyed, the sooner we learn that the more fulfilling life will be, so look inside yourself, find your strength, courage, belief in self, know you deserve to be happy. I send you love and hugs.....Sprinkle 1.....
Thank you sprinkle 1! I've been reading your posts a few hours ago and I am sincerely in awe over how you are able to spread so much positivity. It feels really wholesome.
I do want to go shopping and buy cute clothes for, but unfortunately, I live in one of the countrysides of the Philippines, it's harder to find clothes of my size since most of the people here are "petite". Most of my shirts are from the Men's section and I could only rarely buy jeans for me. Money isn't an issue, but more of what's available around me. I also get discouraged and depressed when I put on clothes that I thougt would fit me or would look good on me, but they don't and it just looks awful. Maybe when I lose more weight.
Hi,
I'm new here and was skimming posts and saw your s and had to respond.
Firstly, hurting yourself in any way is NOT an option..
Secondly, yes, it's hard and a burden to not have a good opinion of yourself and or body image.
Second it's not uncommon. Especially among younger people.
There is far too much media hype about "ideal" looks body types and etc. Those things are mostly supported by "social" norms (which are crap!) and the various industries that make their living selling products that only appear to make the "surface you" into something else.
Sure, it's easy for others, myself included to sit back and say things will change, they will get better etc.
But, and it's a huge but (no pun intended), you and you alone are responsible for your self.
Having said that.
Try and find something or two, that you really really lie about yourself. Capitalize on that. Once you're comfortable there, try another thing and keep building on those features and go from there.
I'm old, short, a bit over weight, and been dealing with depression most of my life.. I simply got to the point of saying "Hey! This is me! Like it or not here I am." I got comfortable with myself (body image) and went from there.
Depression on the other hand has been my hold back for as long as I can remember.
I hope this has helped in someway.
Bottom line we are who we are inside.. The outside can be "tinkered" with only so much.
I'm here in this group to "listen" and share .we're all in this together....
It did help! I'll try start doing the finding the lie thing every morning or whenever I can. It's really hard because I'm constantly under pressure from my family and I feel judged by the people around me. I've been wanting to share my feelings to my friends for a long time, but I honestly just feel like a bother (they're great friends! it's just the low self esteem talking)
I started sharing in this website around last month to stop me from hurting myself too and it really helped. The feeling that there are people who understand and are willing to empathize with me while I keep my anonymity is quite nice. Thank you for responding to my post!
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Hi Everyone
Nightmares of dad again. The hell of the uncounscious 
advice irritates me
Marriage getting me down
