Some of you are aware I am currently going through a divorce. We currently have an interim child custody of 50/50 the children alternate weeks between me and their father. I received a text from their dad a few mins ago saying he has the flu and doesn’t want to get them sick so he will not have them next week and get them the following week. Something I want you to keep in mind he is requesting full custody and legal bc he feels he can take better care of them than me. Something else to keep in mind when he has had them, the children don’t interact with him at all he sleeps when he has them and the children basically have to take care of themselves. My kids are 9 and 13. He takes them late to school and does not do any homework with them. Which I have proof of attendance from the schools and emails from the teachers. He does t do any of their laundry he sends them back with clothes for me to wash.....I believe that this flu thing he has is an excuse. I recall for years each time I have been sick I have never just not taken care of them. I never had the option to have someone else to take care them. Of course I don’t want them to get sick.....Am I over thinking his reason for having the flu?? And why for the whole week? Why can’t he get them when his flu is over? I don’t know, what do you all think, is his reason for not having them valid for next week??
Your perspective is needed, Please 💭💬 - Anxiety and Depre...
Your perspective is needed, Please 💭💬
We had visitation with my stepson for six years and then we got custody and he visited her for six years. Anytime flu was at their house he didn't go. Our choice. Exposure is not necessary. The flu can even be deadly. Skip it. I know you cared for them sick or not but if there is an option to keep them healthy I would. It's not worth the argument. It's for them.
Okay good point. I think the bigger issue for me when I really think about it it’s not about the flu bc I do agree with what your saying, I know he is lying about having the flu. The kids don’t have school and his mother doesn’t want to watch them while he is at work, and he would have to spend money to buy food but as usually I have no way to prove it and he gets away with responsibility again.
I understand. As the stepmom I had years of resentment and tit for tat but what I have learned is more time with our son was better even if she lied and was irresponsible and wanted to not have to care for him. We enjoyed him and knew him the most. Now he is a Marine and hasn't talked to his mother and siblings for three years and doesn't plan on it. He saw the reality of who really cared and sacrificed for him. Yes its unfair but it's not a game in the end. Just be there for them even though he isn't. Don't talk bad about him. They will see the big picture by the time they are grown.
Thanks Melhall, That’s one thing I make it a point never to speak bad about him to them. They already know how he is. When I told them they will be here for an extra week because daddy is feeling sick they literally jumped and ran through the house bc they did t want to go. I did let them know after they celebrated that they should give their dad a call to say hello!
Good job mom! I promise you and them will be rewarded in the end. They will have you and even though you were the one to sacrifice,you did what a good parent does. It will pay off. Ive been there and it was really hard . I am adopting him this year even though he's grown. He calls me mom and I want to make it official.
Awwww Melhall how wonderful!!!!! That is one of the best gifts to give your son to have him officially adopted! Beautiful
Yes. His sister wants it official too. I don't want her to get grandmother rights to any future babies. She was abusive and doesn't deserve it. That is another reason so he doesn't have to battle in court with her.
Hi there, different perspective here,I'm leaning towards its probably a big fat excuse ,you know your ex better than anyone, and if your hunch is he's lying then he probably is . Been through similar situation. However,be smart ,don't react,and keep any msgs , correspondence....,as it may be crucial if he goes for full custody. Be strong and don't be discouraged by the legal system,if it comes to that,they don't know you and its all heresay . It's great the dad wants to be a big part of their lives,and that's important for them and if you know their basic needs are being met and he's generally good to them than that's a good thing !!!,mine didn't ,and we all know not to put him down in front of kids ...... It confuses the kids and they will talk to you first if something is wrong .
Enjoy the time when they're at home, continue to be the wonderful mum you are ,and it will all work out. Don't let your ex tarnish your precious time with them. All the other stuff about him not wanting them cos they're on school hols ......... You're probably right ,but don't give it too much of your brain energy,it is what it is ,and there are many many many mothers who understand, even if others around you don't,do not spend any time trying to convince people around you,it doesn't matter ,it's a waste of time ( just saying that as I did this ,and people knew what my ex was like anyway and I wasted too much of my energy wanting to be understood and believed) I must add though my ex was a mentally and physically abusive person,and I guess I was trying to convince myself it was abusive as it was very hidden and my ex is very cleverand he never spent much time with kids . Anyway,in the end , don't give it too much time,just continue to give the kids what they really need from a parent,be strong, don't argue with him and keep those msgs ! ❤️
Thanks Mumma your ex sounds very similar to mine. I agree. I have faith in the court system for two reasons I work for the court system for about 8 years and also as a CPS investigator and I know what is important, EVIDENCE I have a lot which he naively doesn’t know about it. I keep things cordial with him and accept all what he does. He doesn’t take care of them sadly when he does have them in his care. It’s just time I have on my hands and I know it will be alright in the end.
Yet another perspective. Based on your current court documents, does not taking the kids the last week of the year give him a legal advantage even if it's his choice and lame excuse?
In the State Of Michigan as long as he gives a reason and it’s being “made up” he is okay!
At ages 9 and 13 the judge will surely take into account where they want to live? x
In the State of Michigan if the child is under the age of 16 the judge can decide whether or not if they want to ask the child’s perspective. Knowing this judge since I worked with her for years she isn’t going to get the kids involved. Under these circumstances she will more than likely not ask them anything and go by what evidence is presented to her. I wish she did ask in my situation but I know in the end I’ll be okay!
You will be ok! 😊
Thanks All_Alone ☺️
I don't believe he will be contagious next week, I would agree to keeping the kids when he is sick but I would not give up my scheduled time. People have established certain patterns of behaviors as adults. His type of Fathering will probably be the same as it always was . I would keep a paper trail of every thing he does and all communications . Ask teachers if there is a difference in the children when they have been with him. Are they prepared for class etc. and ask them to document it. I'm stumped about the laundry , I doubt he will ever do it.
Thanks Sweetiepye! I’ll definitely continue to keep a paper trail
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