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Anxiety and Depression Support
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Depression Mental/Physical Paralysis help

I am new to this. My therapist suggested I join an online support group. I just had 2/3 of my tongue replaced due to cancer so I cannot speak very well. I am hoping this forum can help me. I have depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. Looking back into my childhood I am sure I had it then just a different level. Many years later I find myself at a point where I need suggestions/help. I have counseled for 15 years. My main issue right now is that my depression is worsening because of the major surgery I just went through having my tongue reconstructed. I am stuck in he house now for over a year not doing much.I have been battling cancer for 1.5 years. I am on medication to treat the depression and anxiety but find myself paralyzed. I have lost joy in everything that used to keep me entertained and happy. The most difficult aspect of this is to get thinking and moving. I don't know how to force myself to get off the couch and do something, just anything. I have lost interest in everything. Between this and the cancer it is taking its toll on my new marriage. My spouse doesn't understand depression and anxiety and doesn't seem to want to know. He is my rock when it comes to taking care of me with the cancer. But mentally, I need more than he is able to provide. I also don't want to burden him with my negative thoughts. I just need some tips on how to get myself moving again. I sit around staring into space just thinking or blanking out. I would love to know if anyone else can relate to this kind of mental paralysis and how to surpass it.

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When I was agoraphobic and homebound I would spend days in bed. I would get bad heartburn from taking my medicine without food or water. I would lay there until I snapped out of it. I had my dog with me the whole time. She wouldn’t leave my side. I just waited for it to pass. I think any sane person would react the same way you are under the circumstances you’re in. It’s isolating not being able to speak.

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Usually I sleep a lot when depressed, but in my new condition, I can't sleep at all. It is isolating not to be able to speak and to be alone all day. Dogs are so loving and loyal! What helped you get past being homebound?

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I can’t say for certain what motivated me to leave the house again. I spent fourteen years homebound. From age sixteen till I was thirty. I think the time that passed and me maturing through the years had something to do with it. I remember my brother asked me to be his best man at his weddisang. I remember I didn’t want to let him down. I wasn’t ready to be his best man but I did attend the whole wedding. I never been to a wedding before that. It was fun and the food was good.

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How are you doing today?

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I have hit a plateau. I go out, but I don’t have a drivers license or a job. It’s a weird existence. I have no way to improve my circumstances so I just try and find ways to contribute to society. It’s why I joined this group. I try to share what I learned and warn those who might fall into the same trap I did.

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I have not been homebound due to physical recovery, but mental recovery. Not wanting to go anywhere. Not wanting to see or speak to anyone. Just in the bed or on the couch long periods. And just mentally drained, tired, and feeling like a big blank. My husband also doesn't understand my struggle. I don't even understand it myself to explain it. But my sister listens to me and tries. I hate bothering her all the time she has her family kids to worry about. But recently she told me to picture myself happy. Whatever my version of happy is. And when I picture it, make a list of all the things my happy self would like to do. Like take a walk, watch a movie, make a meal anything. She said to pick one and focus on it in small increments however long it takes. Like for walk, she told me to get up and get dressed. If all I can do is get my hair pulled neat and get clothes on, that that was enough. The next day try making it to getting my shoes on. The next day looking out the door etc etc. Until I did the walk.

And I'm trying this. Not sure if it will work, but I'll try anything at this point.

I'm saying this to say, perhaps you can take small steps for yourself. And allow yourself all the time you need by doing 1 thing you didn't do the day before.

Best wishes to you on this journey. ❤

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This is so helpful! One thing I tend to think is do all or nothing. I always fail to break things down into manageable pieces. I am going to give this a try. I am pretty desperate and this sounds like a great avenue to take. I am grateful for your reply. Thank you.

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Great reply by butterfly and I completely agree with her. When you are feeling like this trying to do too much is self defeating as it is impossible. It is important you still try and do a few things though otherwise your isolation will just get worse.

Your sister sounds like she has a great understanding of depression and is so right. Just think 1 thing ahead and concentrate on doing that. When I was smoking I always left my ciggies in the lounge so I had to get out of bed to have one. Then I would feel hungry so had something to eat. See 2 things achieved already. This is what you need to do so it's just baby steps for now. Gradually you will be able to build up to more but it will take time and a lot of effort. x

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Thank you for the support. So much appreciated.I will break this into baby steps.

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Hi ks,. I'm so sorry about all your going through. I relate to both the medical issues and the anxiety and lack of wanting to get going. First off I work in hospice and have worked for a teaching doc of dermatology in the past. It is so common especially after the surgery that you just had to get in s slump. I have Lyme disease and several autoimmune diseases that causes kidney issues, numb feet, anemia and on and on. Frightening and scary and enough to cause lack of interest in things. My partner does not understand at all. My father is the same way even though he's 83 and I've always been there for him. When things get tough they get going lol. I was there for my partner through 3 major surgeries and slept at hospital and he keeps watching tv while i talk about how much pain I'm in. But I do know about being around people with health situations .....I always admire those who stay strong. So i really try to but it's tough sometimes!!! Okay...first I give myself a period of time in morning or night to cry and think about it. I literally give myself a schedule. If not working I will get up. Walk and feed dogs (one has heart failure and cancer so she doesn't walk much) . Read positive things , clean. Watch favorite shows. Exercise. Go for a ride and blast the music (helps me get out of deep sadness and worry) meditate, visualize myself stepping on my worries while I'm walking then vacuuming them up and shooting them into the sky and them turning into hope and peace and calmness (sounds crazy but it makes me smile and take things less seriously). Listen to comedy on the radio. I have Sirius radio in car and have 4 comedy channels. Even if I don't feel like listening i force myself and in a few minutes I'm laughing lol. Just a few things that help. If u need support would be happy to be a freind. 💛 Hang in there 😊

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I am sorry that you are also in a situation where your partner does not understand. You sound like a very strong person. I like the idea of a schedule. I am pretty limited on what I can do right now with my surgery being so new and having a trach in. I keep books, coloring books, crafts and such around me but I have lost joy in everything with the depression and have a hard time forcing myself to do anything. I guess I have to do what you are doing and force it. One thing I do have an interest in is meditation. I need to get online and find some free meditations. I think that would be helpful with my anxiety. I like how you do your visualization. I will have to think of something like this that would be effective.

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Hi again ks, I'm so glad u do like books, coloring books and crafts even though you don't find the joy right now. I know your joy will return😀 I get that way with anxiety/depression but I feel a lot of strength in you too !! I get the not finding joy in anything as well. I have those times even with my favorite programs which is shocking lol But darn it sometimes we just don't feel good. 😔😔.. So we just have to put one foot in front of the other and just be. I'm so glad u like meditations and there is a lot of them that are free. Good for you !!! 😀 Oh I also have a freind who sends me interesting utube videos on Ted talks. There are good ones on dealing with depression and anxiety 👍 Please check in or message me with how u are doing. So glad your looking for ideas. I'm always looking for ideas. Can't hurt right?? 👌

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What are Ted talks? I keep hearing about this but have no idea what Ted talks are. I am always looking for ideas too. I found a crazy girl on Youtube who paints fabric on furniture as well as repaints and designs furniture. It is Debi's Design Diary. So before I had a relapse on my cancer, I bought some furniture that I can try out using her methods. She does such a good job. Very creative. This is my only youtube experience. I did;t get the chance to follow through on my furniture redo but hope to once I am better. I live in Phoenix and right now it is average 115 outside so I cannot really even work outside. I started taking some antidepressants and they are kicking in a little. I am starting to feel a bit more positive. I am hoping they will jolt me out of this paralysis. Can I ask you where you live?

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