My experience of 9 months off antidepressants

[SR2727]

Hi everyone, I hope you're doing well today 🖤 I have been off antidepressants for around 9 months now after being on them for around 6 years. And I just wanted to document how it's impacted me so far.

The first major thing I noticed was heightened emotions. Before I came off meds I didn't realise how much emotional blunting I was experiencing - turns out it was ALOT. I'm much more reactive now, sadness, fear, jealousy, anxiety, anger are more intense but so is joy, excitement, inspiration and love. I'm still getting used to navigating these emotions because I became so used to feeling nothing that any emotion, positive or negative, is exaggerated. Although it was scary at first, I'm starting to appreciate how it feels to experience real joy and excitement again.

The next thing is recurrence of intrusive and obsessive thoughts. The reason I went on meds in the first place was because I was having these thoughts and they were causing alot of damage to my mental health. Now, however, I feel as though I am able to manage them fairly well. It definitely was one symptom I was afraid that would return but I feel like I have more motivation to work on them through other methods rather than relying on meds.

Related to the previous, I now have bouts of insomnia. The continuous roller coaster of thoughts make it hard to me sleep which in turns makes me more anxious and stressed. Currently this is the thing I'm struggling with most but doing what I can to fix it.

Another unexpected thing was my mind feels stronger. Even though I have all these racing thoughts and emotions running around - I am not as easily influenced or manipulated. I'm much less passive when it comes to things that push my boundaries and I stand up for myself.

Related to my heightened emotions etc. I also noticed how I'm more passionate now. I started picking up some hobbies again, started pushing myself at the gym and became much more invested in my relationships. On antidepressants I became uninterested in things that were once important to me but now, I feel they give me some meaning. I now feel passionate about pushing myself to become stronger, to explore new ways of creating art and being fully present in my relationships, giving the people I love what they really deserve.

All in all, it's been an intense 9 months and I have learned and experienced alot. Although scary, I feel it's important for me now to push on. And I'm kind of excited to see what's to come!🖤

[Taurus10]

I recently joined and I am happy that you have been taking the necessary steps to feel and be better. Keep going is what I tell myself on my hardest days; and today I’ll tell you to keep going. Sending you positive energy 🤗

[SR2727 in reply to Taurus10]

Thank you Taurus, wishing you all the best on your healing journey 🙌

[LadyZen]

Congratulations! I used anti-depressant meds at 3 different points in my life and weaned off of them at 3 different times too. I didn't feel the numbness while I was on the meds that some people talk about. When I came off of them, I was hungry all the time and experienced loads of anxiety. But I knew I didn't need the meds when the negative feelings were manageable and I could function and enjoy life a little. It sounds like you're doing well. Watch out for the triggers and remain vigilant with your boundaries. So happy for you. I hope our experiences give people hope that if they start their mental health journey, there can be a happy ending. 🤗

[SR2727 in reply to LadyZen]

Thank you LadyZen! I know that when I hear stories of people who have overcome (or are working towards overcoming) tough times, it gives me hope. Hope we both reach our mental health goals , wishing you the best 🙏

[gajh]

Hi I just read your first post New Here Hi. You said "Although the anxiety and depression had reduced during that period, I was left feeling numb. I decided that it was time to get off antidepressants and try new avenues because I was ready for the challenge that I knew was coming." I have been on meds for so long that I have no clue what is caused by the meds and what is caused by the anxiety and depression. I have no clue how I would feel off of the meds and I am afraid to try. What gave you the courage to try? What did you mean that you were ready for the challenge that you knew was coming? Did you have more symptoms of your depression when you went off the meds? I would be afraid of struggling to get out of bed again. I honestly don't know when and if I would be willing to try going off. Maybe I would have to feel more stable first. Feel like I was doing better. Then I wonder what if the meds are causing me some of the symptoms. It is inspiring to hear stories like your own and others that it just might be possible to live without meds. Thank you so much for sharing. I would like to hear more.

[SR2727 in reply to gajh]

The thing that really got me thinking about my medication is when I told my partner I had been on them for 6 years and he seemed quite shocked because they're generally meant to be short term (not for everyone though of course, everyone has different needs). After that I started to do more reading and research into antidepressants and I started to relate to stories of other people who were dealing with the side effects.

I knew it was going to be a challenge because in the past I had came off the meds for a brief period and during that time I had struggled with the return on anxiety and depression. This time though, I felt much more supported by people around me. As harsh as it sounds, I cut off the people around me that had been a source of some of my anxiousness and depression I.e. a bad relationship and friendships.

Also, a part of me started to just feel "fed up" of being on meds and I had decided that I owed it to myself to go medication free. After doing some work on myself to become more confident in my abilities to overcome tough times, I prepared myself knowing that I may experience the same symptoms as before but this time round I'll have the experience of knowing that the symptoms of anxiousness and depression are not actually the real me but rather a slight "miswiring' in my brain. It gave me some comfort knowing that other people have used techniques to rectify this wrong wiring and I could too.

After I came off, I definitely felt a return of some symptoms of depression but I slowly weaned myself of medication so it wasn't sudden. I will say, the worst part for me was the withdrawal symptoms. I was on a higher dosage so it took me a long time to wean off.

I would definitely say to make sure you're working with your doctor if you do want to come off them. There's also no rush for coming off of them, you can take as long as you need to make sure it's safe for you. It's also good to be prepared for any potential symptoms to reoccur - I found that accepting that I might experience some symptoms and then identifying coping strategies made me feel more capable of addressing them. I think it's all about taking things slowly. Everyone's experiences are different, so really it's about doing what you feel is best for you. Wishing you all the best in your healing journey, everyone deserves to live a happy fufilled life and I believe you will 🤗

[gajh in reply to SR2727]

I so much appreciate you taking the time to share this with me. " I found that accepting that I might experience some symptoms and then identifying coping strategies made me feel more capable of addressing them." What coping strategies have you found to be most helpful? I am so happy for you that you were able to come off meds successfully. That is so encouraging. Thank you again.

[SR2727 in reply to gajh]

The biggest thing I found to be helpful is to journal - I find that writing out my thoughts and feelings in alot of detail let's me sit back and analyse them. Other things I can see that have helped have been to listen to podcasts, listening to relaxing sounds/white noise, working on breathing exercises, regularly working out and reading stories of other people who have overcome symptoms. I feel like it is a collection of things if I'm honest, I'm always open to trying new things that might help!

[SR2727]

Thank you for the tips! I'm so happy you found something that helps you, you've got this 💪🏻

[julz76]

Hello. I can definitely relate to your post. In August 2020, I went on Sertraline because I was having a severe flare up of my OCD. It was the first summer of Covid, and like everyone, I was stressed and facing a lot of unknown. I've had OCD since a teenager with excessive handwashing and showers. For so many years, I was able to manage it without medication, but the Summer of 2020 was too intense. I worked my way up to the max dose over a period of several months, and the medication helped control the severe OCD symptoms. Fast forward 3 years and I was definitely ready to come off of the Sertraline. My symptoms had been under control for about 2 years and the side effects were just too much anymore. I didn't have a steady medical provider at that time and ended up tapering on my own too fast. I went from max dose to completely off the medication in less than 2 weeks. At first, those discontinuation symptoms were mild, but roughly 6 weeks later, the anxiety dam burst. My OCD symptoms are still well maintained, but the anxiety symptoms that have appeared post Sertraline are tough. And I emphasize post use of Sertraline because when I started talking to medical providers and counselors about what I'm going through, these new providers think that this has always been my anxiety and I have to re emphasize what my 2 symptoms were before starting Sertraline (hand washing and long showers). Now, post Sertraline, my senses and my emotions are intensified. I easily cry. I have difficulty with watching tv, listening to music, and engaging in social media, because it overwhelms me. Daily, I have an upset stomach, get light headed, dizzy. I have a hard time staying asleep, and I have to sleep with a light on and the tv volume on low. I have to keep myself busy and distract myself from the anxiety. This has been going on for 2 months . While it is less intense than it was in October, it is still very much there. I've been working on finding a care provider to work with on this. Generally, when I talk about it to a potential provider, they try to hand me a new medication because they feel that I have either relapsed or have developed a new anxiety disorder. I explain to them that I went through this same experience after abruptly stopping Celexa and it took months for me to feel like myself again. I've been working anti anxiety techniques to see what helps. I was journaling for about two months. I walk every day. I eat healthier, and I drink more water. I engage in deep breathing and techniques like 3-3-3. I've listened to green noise at night, and get as much sleep as I can. I've done counseling sessions. I meet with another medical provider after the new year. I'm hoping to make some more headway before that appointment.

[SR2727 in reply to julz76]

It sounds like a frustrating situation with a healthcare provider not listening. I've had this happen too and it can be discouraging. For me the insomnia is the biggest hurdle I'm trying to overcome (I also have to have noise on in the background in order to sleep) but I just have to tell myself that eventually it will be okay and I've to persevere until then. It sounds like you're doing alot of work to target these new anxiety symptoms 💪🏻 Wishing you the best on this and hope you do find a medical provider that will cooperate with you 🙏

[julz76 in reply to SR2727]

Yes, I am trying to put the work in this round. It’s just exhausting. I keep reminding myself this is just temporary. I worry that it could take longer because I was on a high dose for so long. It makes me sad and frustrated trying to find a care provider that will simply listen. Being on this site helps me because I can read about what other people are going through and feel validated with how I am feeling. I’m trying to get better sleep. I’m thankful each night for whatever sleep I can get. Thank you for the kind words.

[kangleipak1988]

Hi. I am not completely off meds but i am trying to taper it off slowly by cutting down doses periodically. I was on 100mg fluvoxamine for around 7 years. But finally made it down to 50 mg now. Although i experience negative effects of lowering down the doses, i can somehow manage it most of time but sometimes it gets really hard.

[SR2727 in reply to kangleipak1988]

You're absolutely doing the right thing by taking it slowly. I'm glad I went at the pace I did, I really dragged it out and I think that helped me adjust to live eventually without them. Take all the time you need, there is no rush. All the best to you on your journey 🙏

[Agora1]

Thank you SR2727 for your post on getting off antidepressants and the emotions

coming out after having been suppressed. I went through the same thing when

weaning off benzos. The feelings and emotions were much more alive. No longer

were they smothered by a blanket of numbness.

I too found that insomnia was the last problem to leave.

But it does and the brain heals and Life is Good once more.

Congratulations on your endeavors in going forward. You've got this SR. xx

[LadyZen]

It's possible. My doctor would ask me if my depression was better. But then would also ask me if I was able to feel the good feelings too. He said it was something he'd like to check for because sometimes the good feelings might go away with the depression, and he didn't necessarily want that either for me if that was avoidable.