Drowning in Anxiety & Depression - new member

[Cherry-Bomb]

Hi everyone. I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life. The last few years of my life feel like I've been beaten repeatedly by a battering ram and each strike makes my symptoms worse. I left a really good paying job (because it was toxic and killing me) to become a small business owner. I put every single penny of my life savings into this business -- and I was so proud that after all these years (I'm 45), I was finally brave enough to take this leap. But things are not going well and my fiance recently lost his job. We are quickly barreling toward bankruptcy and loosing everything. My anxiety comes in waves that cause tremors, seizing muscles, and hyperventilating. Lately it's been causing intense stomach cramping that my doctor's thought might be gallstones (it's not). I'm in therapy. I've tried all the techniques -- breathing, distraction, walking, stepping away and taking a break (which only compounds my guilt and anxiety because my business is failing and I really should be spending my time trying to fix it). And here I am, feeling lost and wondering every day how far I can bend before I break. I'm hoping that joining this community will be helpful in some way. Thanks.

[Reggae84]

hello there, I just joined this due to my own anxiety that has slowly been leading to depression. I know it feels like things are spiraling, believe me, I’ve been there. In 2016 I found out I had breast cancer, then my father passed away a few months later and then my daughter ( with 2 children) had to go away due to drug addiction. I was caring for my 2 and 3 year old grandchildren while going to chemo and radiation. I look back and wonder how I made it through, I believe that’s when God carried me. Now 9 years later I’m on here bc I’m feeling the same way. One thing that helps is exercise and taking walks. Another thing that helped me was taking a life coach class that taught me that the only things we can control in life are our reactions to situations. Rather than letting them control us! You just need to take one day at a time and keep your head up 🙏 positive thoughts create positive outcomes🙏 good luck on your journey and keep your head up 🙏 listen to some good music, there’s a group called The Elovators! I promise listening will help !

[LabradorOwner21]

Thank you so much for sharing your situation, and I am really sorry you are going through this. You are not a failure. You took a brave step and unfortunately it hasn't gone perfectly, but that is okay. I have been through something similar where I was in over my head with debt, not cutting it at my career, and thought I was a complete failure. I thought my entire fate was doomed and that it would kill me either by too much stress or ending up homeless. Please keep asking people for help. You need to take care of your mental health and make decisions about your business simultaneously. This is not easy to do alone and you need support for both your business and your mental health. Is there anyone you trust who you can lean on for business planning and advice in your life (maybe some retiree from a church, a neighbor, friend, etc)? Someone you can brainstorm with and lean on. It may help ease your anxiety to get a business plan in place and either recommitting yourself to some element of your business or making a tough decision that you have been dreading. I had a sales career and was always stuck between the pressure to perform, and the dread of getting rejected by customers, which caused extreme anxiety. To help with my work situation, I either had to recommit to making more sales calls (which I did for 15 years), or eventually made the tough decision to leave. We love you and you are not alone. Take really good care of yourself.

[optimismrus]

Welcome Cherry-Bomb, we're here to listen and support you. You are so courageous to have taken the leap to start your own business! Be proud of yourself. No matter what happens you are strong and competent and you'll find a way. 🥰

[BlueAgave]

Welcome! Sorry that you're going through this right now. I think you did a great thing by opening your own business. It takes a lot to make that decision, and you should continue to be proud of yourself for taking that chance. Don't beat yourself up right now. Your health is important and you shouldn't feel guilty about caring for yourself. Take care and reach out any time.

[Franklin68]

Welcome Cherry

So very sorry to read about both your symptoms and financial challenges. I’m a lifelong entrepreneur, so my question is about your business.

What do you do and when do you project you run out of time with it?

Is it fixable?

Best

[Nairobi7]

You are in the right place, thank you for sharing, that takes a lot of courage and is commendable. Everything will work out in your favor, tough times do not last long. You are not in this alone, and are glad you are apart of this community on your healing journey.

[Cookie2217]

Welcome to the community. I'm sorry everything seems to be happening all at once for you I can't imagine how that feels probably like an avalanche. By myself have been stuck in a depressive episode for five more years sit in the dark for days and nights on end don't go to work because I get swallowed up by the depression and meekness of it all sometimes I find nothing to look forward to when I know that there is but depression lies to you and makes you feel so overwhelmed with suffering that you can't seem anything will ever go right again. You don't see purpose You Don't See Hope You Don't See happiness you don't see the point of it all it brings you down this tunnel this deep dark hole that we have to claw ourselves out of and it's so painful and debilitating. I would never wish this disease on anyone. I know you have so much coming at you at one time but I want you to know that this is only a season I just read that in another person's post and it's the truth life comes in seasons and in stages and without sadness we wouldn't know what true peace and happiness felt like right life wasn't meant to be problem-free and pain free all the time it's an up and down and Even Flow believe me it keeps us on our toes it's not easy and some seasons are a lot worse than others and it's just seems that it's never going to end but this is temporary and will and I promise you this please remember this out of everything else I said before it's just a season and Seasons always come to an end you and your fiance have a lot to look forward to the rest of your lives together so I know it's tough and scary because my husband and I are going through something similar where's money coming from how we're going to pay our bills we're going broke oh my God are we going to get evicted it's worrisome and if you want to know the truth I've stayed out of work because of my depression and definitely didn't help the situation which makes me feel guilt on top of it all but there's nothing I can do about the choices I've made in the past there is only the Here and Now the present what I can do right now to make my situation better. On a brighter note for myself I am starting a new job this week and I am excited and scared and nervous all at the same time so it's a world wind of emotions but it has benefits and will get us out of the hot water that I've gotten us into because I just couldn't get myself out of bed to do it. Sometimes I get so mad at myself but as I just said there's nothing I can do about the past situations there's only the here and the now that I can control and the future isn't here yet let it take care of itself. I hope that's something I have said here helps you in some way and I want to say that you did the right thing by leaving your job that was killing you I had to do the same thing I work for the state of New Jersey for 20 years and it was a thankless job and I was abused by the higher ups and was targeted because of my age and they made it unbearable so I left after 20 years I couldn't do another five it just wasn't feasible for me I wouldn't have made it things happen for a reason when I lost my job I lost my place to live and I had to come up to Pennsylvania and live with my sister who made it a horrendous experience for us. Believe me my husband and I knew how one wanted we were every single day that we were there now we have a roof over our head but the bills are still there but I'll take care of them bit by bit and I'm going to be so proud of myself when I chop it down and get myself back to where I should be again. The trials and tribulations that you're going through right now is just temporary it will stop it will get better I just know it will please keep us posted on how you're doing take care of yourself wishing you peace and well-being.

[SameTimeTomorrow7]

You didn't mention if you are on medication. If you're not, ask your therapist if one of the available drugs could help you. My therapy didn't produce meaningful results until it was determined that medication was absolutely necessary. Medication can take the "edge" off and can help you to respond better to therapy. Regarding your financial issues: if you have a friend or relative who's an accountant, maybe he/she can advise you. Another possibility is SCORE, the Service Corps of Retired Executives; there may be a branch in your area. Best of luck.

[Cherry-Bomb in reply to SameTimeTomorrow7]

Thank you for your comments. I am on medication. We upped my antidepressants a few months ago and I'm now also taking something for anxiety, but I just started that. I'll look into SCORE. Thanks.