Whatever

Hi all. Thanks for being here. Sorry I don’t participate regularly. I wouldn’t even post but I was looking at some posts earlier and my phone stayed on the site so I saw write something and here we are. I hate admitting that I have depression. It feels like a weakness and I feel judged or pitied by others if I were to admit it; not to everyone but, most people. Today sucks bc I am so tired and can’t get out of my own way. Instead of accepting this feeling I beat myself up, judging, berating and blaming myself and internally calling myself names. I feel like a sloth. I feel heavy and can’t finish any tasks and I kind of make more of a mess. What’s nagging me is my husband will come home and will be like what have u done all day? It’s nice. For a cold climate, 50 and sunny. I should be out doing something. I did have to work all weekend so it is ok not to be running around but work was slow. So I can’t give myself that excuse. I also am giving myself a hard time bc I made a low sugar, but probably high fat chocolate chip cookie and ate that after my nap. I’m talking about the cookie bc it was more of an addictive behavior rather than I wanted a cookie. I made it bc I’ve been dieting and felt deprived and did it last night and then repeated it now. You know when u r doing something normally and then doing something obsessively, well I’ve been a little obsessive. Also am lying down and don’t feel like getting up. One good thing I did today was ride on the bike for half an hour. So I’m not totally useless today. I just wish I could give myself a break

[NWGal]

I wish you could give yourself a break as well sweetie! Sounds like you are pretty productive to me! People judge when they don't understand. Try to blow them off - they cannot possibly get into your brain to see what's going on. Just love and be you.

[Hidden in reply to NWGal]

Thank you

[NeuronerdDoaty]

I’ve had clinical depression all my life due to traumatic brain injuries. I’m 55. I have what people call suicidal ideations. I don’t call them that.

We’re strong. We are unstoppable. Nothing can conquer me. I will always overcome. There is no weakness in me. I am so strong that I start this way every day and still make it. I’m an overachiever. I also have epilepsy and lupus. Nothing stops me and none of it makes me weak.

Even after strokes and brain surgeries I emerged stronger.

No one pities me. Actually when I do need help I can’t get it.

When you change the way you view yourself the world will view you that way as well.

Doaty💛

[froggymom88]

It is counter productive to beat yourself up and berate yourself because your having a bad day. Cut yourself a little slack and love yourself. On days like this maybe try finding two or three small things to accomplish and reward yourself after each one is finished. Say kind, support but motivating things to yourself. Hugs.

[Hidden]

Thanks