I am broken

[writer21]

For the last few weeks, I feel like I have had extreme depression. Three weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me because he was going through extreme stress with his work and his school and his life in general and his mental health was declining severely. He said that life got in the way and he needed a break from our relationship. I loved him so much, so I agreed that maybe we needed a break and he should focus on his schoolwork. I was heartbroken because I thought that he was the best thing I ever had. I thought that we were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. I tried to leave him alone, but I pushed saying that I wanted him back and I missed him. I wanted us to be together and I wanted to help him, but there was nothing I could do, he just pushed back harder, isolating me. He ignored me for a week. But then he finally replied to my texts. We were doing okay again.... But a couple days ago, I found out his true character. He intentionally hurt me by showing me that he moved on in just 2 weeks by hooking up with someone last weekend, evidence on his neck to prove it. And then he said that we aren't getting back together... ever. I am positive that he enjoyed hurting me again when I was just beginning to heal. Now I have to start over. I feel like a dagger has been thrown into my heart and sliced my wound back open and he poured salt into that wound. He said that he did love me but then I "became a psycho" just because I cared too much about his safety. All I cared about was his well being and whether or not he was safe at home or at work, but apparently I had become too crazy for him to love me anymore.

I know that it's not him that I miss... it's the memories and the way he made me feel that I miss. I just feel so incredibly broken. Broken beyond repair. I know that I deserve so much better than him. I just absolutely HATE that I was so blinded by him to realize that he didn't deserve my time or my love at all. I wish that I could take that wasted time back. I wish that I hadn't been so blind. I know what I am worth, but right now I feel worthless. I have a big heart and it causes me to trust easily and love passionately and he took advantage of it. My big heart feels more like a curse than a blessing. I don't want to be broken anymore. I don't want to feel like crying every day anymore. I just want to be okay again. I want to feel happy again. I just want my life back! All I feel is pain...

[Michael8072]

I’m sorry you are going through this. Give yourself time to heal as much as you need and be easy on yourself. I know I’ve felt the same way you’ve felt and it’s taken some time to move forward. You will feel better just give yourself time.

I love how you know it’s the memories you miss not him and the fact that you deserve so much better. Your far ahead then I was when I went through the heartache. You know your worth and that’s awesome! Just keep being you don’t let any of this stop you from being that big open hearted person you are. The right person will come along again. Just be patient and kind to yourself. Sending you hugs and good thoughts!

[BonnieSue]

Hi, writer,

I'm sorry that you are feeling so down and hurt. I would, too. Michael8072 said a lot of good things to help you. I hope you take them to heart so you'll start to feel a little better.

Are you getting out and moving? Like taking a walk and breathing fresh air? This is a known reducer of depression. Activity, moving your muscles, as the saying goes, will be helpful. Are you eating right? Taking all your vitamins and medications? You need to do this, also. Is there anything you can do to keep busy and focus away from your pain and troubles? A hobby, volunteer work, anything at all? Visit other people, get involved a little with their lives? Especially if they are your relatives or loved ones. This is a safe distraction usually.

And always remember the feeling worthless is a part of depression...it's a lie and you know it. Don't entertain believing this lie. Uh-uh. Depression has several lies built in as symptoms. They are deceptive feelings. But feelings aren't facts. Feelings can lie and deceive us. Don't fall for them, ok? Don't believe the lie that you have nothing to offer the world or anybody, that you'll always feel this bad, that you are worthless and not worth helping. All lies. But you might FEEL these things. Don't believe them. Ok? You know better in your common sense. Pm me if you need to talk sometime. Take care...

Hugs, Love, and Blessings...🦋🔆🦘🕊🌻🐬☀️🐇🌊💜

[SheWrote]

Dear, precious one, I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. I have been there myself. It is a terribly lonely place. The one thing I learned about depression is that you CANNOT allow yourself to give it time. You have to get up and change your focus. That can be done by doing any little or big thing. Turn on a song that makes you happy, go to a place that you like, call someone who makes you laugh... do stop allowing yourself to stay in that dark place. You will find that the more you don't give the depression any "face time" the less it will show up. You can beat this, take control and get angry if you have to, because this is stealing your life. Fight back and move on. You can do it! I believe in you, believe in yourself. HUGS!!!!