I am new here. I have severe depression and anxiety which has resulted in agoraphobia. I haven't been able to leave the house in almost 4 years now. I am married but my wife is on the road for work most of the time. When she's home it is rarely good. She doesn't know what to do to help so she simply ignores me and stays away from me. I understand it I guess but it makes me feel REALLY low like nobody cares about me. I don't have any friends or other family to reach out to so I sit and just get worse. I have tried different prescriptions and for years have found nothing that helps. The pills had such a negative effect on me in fact I am completely off of them now. I feel much better without the side effects. Especially since I was getting no relief at all for the depression or anxiety from any of the meds that I tried. I have spent a lot of time online looking for answers and self help but I am getting nowhere. I can't find any real help since I cant leave the house and I am quickly spiraling into a dark place. I cant get to the doctor or dentist and need both SEVERELY. I was wondering if there was anyone out there dealing with agoraphobia who had any advice on places to get help and/or support when you cant leave the house? I have tried crisis lines but the scripted conversations really turn me off of this kind of assistance. I have been trolling the different support boards but most people rely on friends and family. I don't have either. My only family other than my wife is my aging parents who are of the mindset you don't talk about mental health issues. The few times I tried they just change the subject. They once even left me on the side of the road in the middle of the desert because I was having a massive panic attack and wouldn't just "stop it". I try really hard to not fault my wife and parents for not understanding but it leaves me all alone. In fact I feel a GREAT DEAL of shame and guilt that they have to deal with me at all. Is there anyone out there in a similar situation? What or who do you go to when you need real help or someone to talk to? All I have are my dogs and one just passed away very unexpectedly leaving me so depressed I cant even move. I have to get better.
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StuckinWA
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You poor soul, I think I know how you feel, I have just been coming out of a 3 year battle with depression/anxiety, last year I had agoraphobia, and had to get someone to drive me places. Can you hire a taxi to take you to Dr/Dentist, they are very important for our health. Talk with your Dr. does he/she understand about depression/anxiety? My Dr. put me on Lorazepam, it is a controlled substance and has to be signed for with proof of I.D. I was glad to sign. It really knocks anxiety, anxiety comes from severe depression. I have had these dog me on/off all my life, this was the worst one. Can you talk with a therapist who specializes in dep/anx. I have a wonderful lady, she really knows her stuff. We are tired our brains are tired and need rest so it can heal. I am on Cymbalta 50 mg. I take Mirtazepine at bedtime to help me sleep, also Desyrel 100 mg to aid with the sleep, plus Melatonin, OTC it is cheap and works for me, I have been using it for years.
Can you find some good articles on depression on the computer and ask you wife to read them, she needs to understand your illness. Most people who have never had it do not understand, I run into that all the time. The Dr. should have leaflets on depression, take some home and ask her to read them.
A great book to read is by Dr. Claire Weeks, Hope and Help for your Nerves, I have had my copy for 30 years, I understand you can get it from Amazon new/used. I think you would find it helpful. She wrote it after breaking her own depression/anxiety.
You need plenty of quality rest, and sound sleep, do Not keep going over the past or negative things, live in the moment, go for long walks out in the fresh air and sunshine, sunshine provides Vit. D, good for the body and brain. Do you take vitamins? The B family is good for the body and brain. Go on line and see what is recommended to help with depression.
Talk to us here we will offer love and support, you need that, like you I have no family and my best local friend died in Oct, my Aunt in April, and my good best friend in Calif. I can drive so I do volunteer work at the local library and I love it, it gets me out of the house, around people and is good for my brain.
Enjoy your dogs, sorry you just lost one, I have been taking my older cat (15) to the vet, she had a bladder infection and is doing better, I am to take her back for a check up this week as I will give her her last dose of antibiotics tomorrow (Tue).
If you can get Scott Pecks book "The Road Less Traveled" first line, first page, "Life is difficult" I wish someone had told me that when I was 16.
Find fun things to do at home, have you tried coloring books, jigsaws, writing a journal, do not watch sad or violent things on TV. read uplifting books. You will come out of it, but you do need help, seek out help locally, some places will even pick you up. Listen to good music that soothes your tired mind, try meditating, Yoga they have programs on TV that lead one. It is very beneficial I have been a practitioner for almost 40 years, it is very calming, helps the body and mind.
Write to us we will help you if we can, write to me if you want to, I will do my best to help you. I send you Peace, Calm, Strength, Courage, Love and Big Hugs....Sprinkle 1.......
Sending my Deepest Sympathy on the loss of your Precious Pet xx
This must be devastating for you - on top of everything else you are going through.
I was wondering how long ago was the incident when you were left in the desert - do you think this could be the root cause of your Agoraphobia?
How far away is your nearest Church? Have you searched the Internet for Church Ministers & Pastors? Have you considered phoning and asking for a home visit for a chat? Briefly explain your difficulty in getting out (as you have in your post) and say you're seeking help, guidance.
You could also have a look on the 'net to see if any nearby Church mentions a Healing Ministry.
Well done, in coming off the medication which wasn't helping. What a great achievement. You should be proud of yourself. A great step forward.
You don't need to lie to get help from a Christian Minister / Pastor. You can be honest about your beliefs and still ask for help.
You could ask for a visit, someone to talk to, and / or if they can direct you to some help - a visiting crisis team for example.
You can tell the Minister that you are not religious but are seeking support as you have suffered the tragic loss of your young dog and are suffering terribly with grief, loneliness and agoraphobia - and not coping.
You won't be judged (not by a genuine person, anyway ).
ps
You wouldn't be able to get out to a Service, anyway.
I have only just seen this reply but it says day ago - sorry. x
I can very much empathize with you. I’m so sorry that you’re in such despair.
Ever since my parents passed away I’ve had nobody who has my back despite having a husband. I’ve been emotionally abused and neglected, it’s been a very scary world for me. I am the youngest of 4 siblings, 2 of which are still around, and yet it’s like they’re gone as well.
If I’m out and about I don’t feel like I’m even a person. I automatically go into dissociation mode.
Yeah I HAD lots of friends before I got so depressed. Now I have one that I see maybe twice a year. I get it but it's hard not having people around anymore. I haven't seen my parents in several years and only talk to them for quick phone calls on holidays. I wish I could go outside, get a job and find new people. So frustrating.
Hi if you have no one to help you try this. Do you have a garden (yard) you can go to? Try taking a few steps when it's dark.
If not then leave your home either in daylight or the dark, whenever you feel most comfortable. Take 2 steps until you feel the panic and fear then go back inside. Stay with the feelings it brings up. Take deep breaths but don't hyperventilate (learn some breathing techniques online first). Then repeat this everyday until you feel able to take another couple of steps.
This is going to take some time and going to be very traumatic but no one can do it for you. Rehearse what you can do in the event of panic ie breathing exercises, having tissues or sweets etc.
Most of all you have to be determined that you are going to recover x
Yeah, I go out in the yard briefly when it's dark but have a very hard time during the day. Lately the struggle is to simply get up off the couch or get out of bed. My depression has taken over.
Somewhat. I was at my lowest before my dog was poisoned and when that happened I fell apart. He died in my arms after trying to keep him alive for 5 days, day and night. It was brutal. My wife and even my parents said they would help me get through but my wife left town the day after and I haven't heard from my parent since. I have been doing all I can to keep my m in and off of the death of my little buddy. But when you sit and have nobody to talk to your mind wanders.
Yes my Rottweiller Maximus and he was only 4 years old. I have three others that are all older. Two which I have been conditioning myself to accept they are getting old, both have cancer. I never expected the pup to go first.
I’m heartbroken for you. We have two dogs, a beagle and a jack russell mix. The beagle is the older one and seems to be showing signs of age. I can’t fathom the thought of losing our pups.
Oh my heart hurts for you. I also spend so much time alone, I rarely leave my place, but I do have a good Dr and a good friend, so I can express my fears, I also take Wellbutrin SR that works well for me, I tried so so many other meds that didn't help. The loss of your beloved dog has to be tramatic and to have amplified your depression, grieving over death has stumbled me up for years, greif group helps me, have you tried an online spport group for greif? StuckinWa, hang in there, and I encourage you to keep reaching out.
I'm so sorry for what you're going thru and mostly on your own. Do you know if there is a crisis dispatching unit in your area? They'll come to you. Also have you tried online therapy?
I'm not sure of your location in WA but I did find this site.
First, welcome to the forum! Many of us suffer from some sort of agoraphobia. I seldom leave my house unless I have to. What part of WA are you stuck in? I'm stuck in SW Washington (I'm an Oregonian). Sprinkle1 offered you some good advice. Did you know you can see mental health therapists online? I have no experience with them but at least that's an option. Sounds like you're lonely as well. Don't know what kind of doc was prescribing you meds but I saw a psychiatric physicians assistant and he really knew what he was doing that I am feeling so much better. You can always send me a private message on the chat. We all support each other here. Maybe I can look into resources for you! Sending you good karma friend.
I take kratom for my depression, it's a plant from Asia that is in the coffee family, theres loads on the internet for you to research. I too suffer depression and then I blame it on others, no one on this planet has the power to make me depressed, my thinking gets distorted so I have to follow a few simple rules, I accept I'm powerless over people places and things and find no peace until I truly accept it all for what it is, I tune into something bigger than myself so that when my problems get too big I can hand them to the universe to fix for me and trust it will get sorted. I practice gratitude I have two legs, a roof over my head, isolation is the worst thing for us, there must be some kind of group you can join so you are exchanging energy with people, I'm not big on people lol, I have to make an effort to mix because my mind will tell me all sorts of bullshit that isn't true, it's done it for years, I'm catching it now, most of our thoughts deceive us, I've stopped watching news on tv and read nothing but positive things, I really believe something bigger is working on this planet and if we can manage to trust it more our lives are made less burdened. Join a church, it's a start, anything to get you out of self will help you cuz your worth it, your here for a reason, I believe this now I'm getting better. I'm pretty much on my own but I do try and get away from self by talking to others, not everyone is a weirdo, have faith, speak out loud about what you want to change about your life, some source may hear it, I came to this conclusion because I had nothing else and I've been to hell and back, something has your back, ask for help and mean it, pills didn't help me either, they worked for a while then they just made me fat and even more depressed, I'm done with pharmaceuticals. I wish you well😊
I am alone, I have no friends, no family, I work hard to pay my bills, doctors and pills. How can you help me? With money? Nobody do that. With friendship? Just few words here are not enough. You can't help me.
I get where your coming from,you sound lonely and angry with life and so am I .I don’t have to pay for doctors here or meds which does help.Im struggling with grief just now and I also know a few words don’t make it better.I don’t know all the answers but that’s why we are on these forums,maybe to share our problems even if it doesn’t do much good.Its a crap life!
Yes, you are right and that's the reason I told everyone, only yourself can do something for you, nobody will help you. I do it everyday, fighting to live and I don't know another way. We are alone and we will be alone no matter how many friends we have. At the moment when you really need help meaning money, a house where we can stay for a while, food, doctors, pills, etc., they all will go away.
First Welcome,. I wanna Cry for you, I kinda know how you feel? I had to retire early, mental break down. I've spent about 80% of the past 3 years inside I have 2 relatives who have what you do. My cousin had a counselor visit him at home. As far as a dentist, don't know? It's tough not having family and friends support, I don't have that either. They don't understand and get frustrated, so it's easier to just stay away from you. Maybe changing counselors? I pretend that everything's Fine? Maybe take your wife to counciling with you so the counselor can give her some insight?
I don't reply here much but your story is so simular to mine I had to.
First, I'm really sorry to hear you're in a tough spot, I am there myself and it can be really hard when you have no family or friends to turn to. Last year though I was doing some research and I found a doctors office that offered in home care as a special program and it has helped me a ton! My therapist comes to my house, I have a case manager that I've gotten to know who brings me to appointments or anything I need for my disability claim and such. I don't know how abundant these programs are but if you could find one I highly recommend it.
I'm slowly working on exposure therapy with my therapist. They are working on finding me housing, helping me with my disability, state and federal programs that I can use. They have been a huge support system and have made the last year so much easier for me. They're working on a small group session as well so that I can meet others in simular situations as me who are local, and maybe we can find some support in each other as well.
Like I said, I'm not sure how many programs like this exist but it's something to look in to.
Other support I do find is from online friends I have made over the years, though it's limited as many are half a world away, but they do help any time I need to vent, or not feel alone in this world. This is a good support community, and there are tons of others out there as well as a small way to get started.
I hope you find what you need, know you are not alone. so many out there are in the same situation and we all understand how you feel.
It sounds like you would really benefit from online or video therapy sessions, as another person already suggested.
Being ignored by your spouse is very hurtful, I know. Having unsupportive people in your life can sometimes feel worse than being alone. Glad you’re on this forum.
Hi there,I’m not agrophbic but everything else you say resonates with me.only words of comfort can help as I realise you don’t live in the uk.My heart goes out to you,depression makes you feel the loneliest person in the world.I have no one who understands or can be bothered with me.on top of everything I’ve just lost my son to suicide so I do feel I’m cracking up .love and warm wishesxxx
My condolences. I am very sorry about your son. I have lost 7 people to suicide and understand that pain better than most unfortunately. Be well and thank you for your reply to my post.
First you need someone to tell you plain and simple " depression, anxiety with or without agoraphobia HAS CURE". First thing to do - go see a psychiatrist ( mine saved my life while I was recluse in my own home about 1 year). I was prescribed paroxetine 20mg and valium (xanax 0.05mg). On these is nearly impossible having more panic attacks however, they are let's say the new oil for your engine. You will feel good and ready to work, study , or whatever are your plans. Only doing medication works, but you need to do your part. If you put new oil in your car you don't leave him in the garage you drive him. So when you feel capable (1 to 2 weeks for the meds to kick in) you need to go out. As someone said vitamin D ( catch sun... if you live on a cloudy and rainy place like me they sell vitamins B and D specially in any store) . Ask your psychiatrist to do magnesium supplement it will improve drastically your energy, muscles etc. 99,9% of people with depression, anxiety etc lack magnesium. Ask also for omega 3 ( they sell also in supermarkets) . Now the thoughest part: living the house. As someone said, in you first week of meds start slowly , go shop ( I know, full of people etc) but you can do it. If you can't the 1st day try the second a so on. Remember you could do all of this before the depression, so your brain didn't forget that . He is just confused because your choice is staying at home ( I am not blaming you) . Remember our brain is very plastic and likes routines. Example: you go to gym every morning , next week he wants more. Finally it is up to you medication should and will do the trick however exercise and CBT improves and will prevent bad feelings in the future. Is up to you. Do this for you. If not for you for your wife, kids, family etc. You can do this , but only you can do the first step. I did and it was the best thing I ever did. Try it. The initial feelings of leaving house are awful but they will fade the more you do. Good luck and keep us updated
I forgot to say. Usually agoraphobia is related with a traumatic event . Of course you don't need to share with us but you need to share that with a professional. Most of my patients with anxiety etc suffered bullying, rape, physical emotional abuse, alcohol, drugs etc. and they improve drastically when they share their story. They need to clean their soul because is something heavy to carry by themselves. An example: I had a patient who was repeatedly rape since childhood and she wouldn't blame her father but herself. My role was to make her understand that she didn't want to be raped, she just wanted to be a child, if there was something to blame that would be her father. "But I should be strong enough to avoid" . Well how can a child be strong enough to a abuser, when their NO means Yes for the guy. Gladly he is in jail and this girl is no a mom and seems quite happy but she needed support, she needed t be sure that it was not her fault...sorry for the example.
During near 7 yrs of mental treatment myself I learnt from my doctors and therapist they are only 10% of my recovery 90% is me so become a fighter and win this war against the mind you deserve to be happy and live so become the hero with the war against the mind dying to 40 yrs of anorexia and PTSD I won 57 now and lucky to be alive I am a strong soldier I take only 75mg Zoloft and will not become a med purpose but bare minimum so it keeps me from obsessing over food and helps PTSD so you live for you and what is fear just a figment if mind stand up to it and fear becomes nothing you are much stronger than any fear
G'day Stuck in WA, firstly let me point out, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I know you don't believe it at the moment, but keep reminding yourself of this it because it's true. I think your wife struggles to understand it, for her, it's probably easier to avoid dealing with it head on. It doesn't make her a bad person, it's just something she's never been through and can't empathise with. Your parents are from an older generation, support is great but don't waste your energy trying to make them understand. It won't help you. I can relate to your feelings regarding the meds. I started using them at the end of last year. I had begun to hit myself in the head and I knew it wasn't right. I'm weaning off my medication now and withdrawal is not pleasant but better than the side effects. The only time I would ever suggest that you should try medication is if you are self-harming, or having suicidal thoughts. It's not easy, I can appreciate the struggle like so many others here. I've not had to go through agoraphobia but ironically, I don't go out and socialise. I prefer to stay home. It's comfortable to me and I don't need to go out and deal with chaotic people, roads, situations. I go to work each day because I have to but if I could work from home, I would. It sounds like your home has become more of a prison than a home. How do your dog's get exercised? Is this something you could focus on? Perhaps you need to set small goals. 'Today I will get up, have a shower and prepare a healthy meal'. 'Today I will clean out that cupboard'. 'Today I will find a hobby that interests me and I will learn to do it'. Keep a journal to help you make sense of your feelings when they happen, self reflection can help you to make sense of what is happening and why. Then you can start to unravel this jumble of threads and get them back in order. Don't try to do everything at once. It never works. As has been suggested above, small steps out your door. Eventually you'll begin to get further and further. You can do it. And you will.
I have suffered from depression since childhood and meds and counselling have helped me quite a bit so I understand all about depression and dealing with it.
I had a breakdown at 19 and was in hospital for months and my family just made it worse as none of them ever understood or even tried to help. I knew then I was on my own in life and could only rely on myself.
By my mid 20's I was living on my own again a long way from them and stumbling along miserably. Then I reached rock bottom and knew I had to make a decision, a stark choice. I decided there was no point in living a unhappy life so I had either to change it or end it. I made a promise to myself to do everything in my power to have as good a life as possible. When I feel low or want to give in I think of that promise and am proud of how far I have come.
What helped me most was taking full ownership and responsibility for my life and I had to care coz no one else did.
I am telling you all this coz you have to make your own choices and decisions. Incidently my sister has suffered with long term agoraphobia but has long since given in to it. I don't want you to do the same x
Hi, seems you are getting a lot of good help on line, I really liked some of them, Cookie l0l had some good suggestions. I had agoraphobia last year and had someone drive me. I finally got over it, now I drive and do not give it a second thought. I have no family here, and my Aunt and 2 friends died this year, so I am on my own. My wonderful therapist tells me" it is not your fault," she gives me love and support and I am progressing very well, I also gladly take med's have needed them all my life, talking to my Dr. we changed to Cymbalta, first 30 mg, got a little help, so we upped it to 50 mg and it is working. I also do volunteer work at the local library and I love it, I re-stock DVD's, talking books & books, it gets me out of the house and around people. First thing is to remember It is Not your Fault, you need to love yourself and believe in yourself. I am sorry some swine poisoned your dog, there are a lot of mean people in the world today. Go ahead and grieve it is one way to heal. Do not let your wife's attitude bother you, she has not had this illness, does not understand, probably feels powerless to help you. Go on line to that therapy center that some one gave you, they will keep it private and do their best to help you. Write to us here. For what it is worth I agreed with abe30, we basically are the only ones that can make us happy, but we need help, read the email again. I send you strength, belief in self, love yourself, do not beat yourself up, eat well, rest, get good sleep, take your med's and have faith it Will end. I wish you well sending love and hugs....Sprinkle 1.....
When I first started having issue several years ago I searched for online therapists. There were none. I tried for a year or more to find one. I gave up a few years ago. I live in seattle the technology captial and couldn't believe the technology didn't exist to get a therapist at home. Now looking into information provided here it appears available in abundance. Thanks to all for the replies and kind words. Hopefully this time around I can find someone to help me get out of the house and feel better.
A big Hello StuckinWA ,, I can soooo relate to EXACTLY what you are going through. I was agoraphobic in the early 90's with no smartphones, or even a desktop computer to use. I know the "feelings" that come with total isolation,.more so when i read something like your story, it takes me right back to that time when i didn't think i would ever make it out!! But i did, and so will you! The very WORST thing when going through this type of BS , is having NO ONE who seems to give a shi* to REALLY want to help. (The key word here is "really") I would have given my right arm for anyone willing to help me out back then, believe me. Anyways, i would be more than happy to be a friend, and help you overcome what you desperately need to. Let me know how you feel.
Thanks. You are right. I have yet to find a friend, family member or doctor who really seemed to WANT to help. The doctors just want to stuff me full of meds. They wouldn't listen when I complained about the side effects and lack of any relief from the pills. They just kept upping the dose to the max I could take each time. Still no relief. I ended up going off meds completely and feel better than I did. Unfortunately I still have the severe depression and anxiety. None of the different meds they tried ever touched it and nobody would look into why. My doctors had their favorite meds and when they didn't work they just kind of threw their hands up and left me hanging. Ultimately I quit trying and lost faith in my dr who left the clinic anyway. Now when I think about going the doctor it seems pointless so it's easy to give up. Family and friends dont understand so they just remain in the wings hoping you magically get better. I know it's on me to get better. Now, if I could just find the strength! The last three years i have gotten WAY worse and I feel like I'm in quicksand. Hopefully one of the online therapists will be affordable enough I can finally get some help. I requested consultations from several this morning. Thanks for your message.
My service dog of 12 years died suddenly and unexpectedly two years ago and I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression and he help me deal with it so much.
I went to a grief group at a church that got me through that time and trust me it was a struggle ( and it still is a struggle at times because he was my beacon in the dark and hours and days of my life dealing with depression and anxiety and severe family abuse).
I have two other dogs now but it’s not the same he was my soul dog.
I read several books regarding grief and pet loss. I really hate to call and pets they’re really not pets their family members and I’m so sorry for your loss I know how incredibly hard that is and how painful it is and if you ever need anybody to talk to you about just that I’d be glad to talk to you.
Due to thesevere family abuse I don’t have any family that I can be around safely so I guess in a sense have no family either.
I was able to find a therapy group that actually comes to your house to do appointments when I became agoraphobic about four years ago and that really helped me.
I wish I had some words of comfort and hope for you that would alleviate your distress.
Please know that you’re not alone and you’re worth fighting for.
Spent most of the morning trying to find a way to stay out of bed. I decided to deep dive into finding an online therapist or psychologist to help me. I simply cant take it anymore. I now remember how frustrating it was looking last time. The cost is so high for the ones that could actually help that there is no way I can afford it. I can't stop eating so I can get counseling. The ones that take insurance either don't take mine or are not taking new patients. UGH! I called about 10 places and one has actually called me back but they want $500 a visit!!! The others I just got an email from saying, sorry... I had hoped to find someone local so I could work into office visits as I get better but I may have to settle for something in another state to get by. Not sure about that.
I am still trying but so frustrated. Why is it so dang hard to get help? I guess it explains a lot of things I see on the news. Sad.
Hello stuckin WA, have you checked your replies in your emails? I sent you a reply this morning willing to help you out. I haven't heard back from you.
Sorry I accidently replied to the thread and not directly to your post. I will definitely take any and all information and suggestions offered. Just having a place to write out my thoughts and issues has been extremely helpful to me. Thanks for your help.
Yes I completely understand what you're going through! I myself feel completely alone & it's very miserable to feel that way. I feel like I'm going crazy & nobody can understand me? I suffer from severe anxiety & depression. I also have OCD. It's all very difficult to deal with. I just recently joined this online support group because there is NO support groups where I live. So I'm on here trying to get help & meet people who are also struggling like I am. You can message me if you need.
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