Struggling with social anxiety, and worried it's going to affect my 16 month old in the long run...

[ShyMom66]

Desperately seeking some insight or advice...I struggle everyday with social situations and my anxiety about it has gotten progressively worse over the years. I find any excuse not to go out, or I will make plans with friends being optimistic only to cancel. The problem is that now i'm a mother of a 16 month old, and pregnant with my 2nd. My 16 month old gets very little interaction with other kids because of my social anxiety. I've been wanting to take him to play groups, but I end up talking myself out of it. I feel like anytime I go outside my comfort zone and put myself out there, something always happens to reaffirm to myself that I am indeed socially awkward and it's not all in my head. I've talking to a social worker about it in the past, but they recommended going to support groups which is my #1 worst fear so that never happened.

[Mary-intussuception]

Hi

Sorry for all you're going through.

Do you think you would be able to cope with inviting just one person round for half an hour. Would that be a place to start?

Is there a family member you could confide in about your fears?

[viiexplorer]

Think it's brave of you to share your concerns here, so kudos to you. Like the previous poster, maybe going through with baby steps and talk to just one person. Hang in there.

[AZ1970]

I understand. I had the same challenges when my kids were younger. Please know that others don't see the faults in yourself that you do. We have a critical voice in our heads that lies all the time. The more we give in to it, the worse it gets. I am glad you have us as a support group. It is a great start. I can tell you from experience that support groups have been life savers for me on many occasions. Getting there for the first meeting is the hardest. You will find your story in other people's stories. You will also be a good example to your children of your strength and resilience. Baby steps though. One thing at a time.

[Hidden]

As someone who was agoraphobic for fourteen years my advice to overcome these barriers is to just do it. I learned avoidance behavior will only perpetuate your anxiety. I know how hard it is. Things are easier said than done. I believe in you. How socially awkward could you be if you met a guy and had kids with him?

[Windy101]

Maybe looking at this from another perspective will help.

You are a mom, your child's only connection to the world. You can let you anxiety be so powerful that it controls what you do, or you can talk back to it and say, "Go ahead. Do your worst. Make me shake from head to toe. I'm still taking m child to (wherever) because he needs socialization, and he's more important to me than you, you big jerk."

Then just go. Give yourself permission to feel symptoms. The first time you may want to turn around and go home, but look in your child's eyes. Go to the damn group and if you're a nervous wreck, it's okay. Bring a book. Bring your laptop if you have one. If people pester you, tell them you're on a deadline to get some work done, sorry. Tell yourself that if you're feeling embarrassed and humiliated, great! That means you're willing to go through those negative feelings out of love for your child. I bet over time you can go to the playgroup and feel fairly comfortable.

Research shows that the very worst anxiety symptoms can only last so long, then they start to fade. The most important person, your child, is not going to notice. And I'll bet half the people there are on some type of psychiatric meds (if you haven't tried this route, it could make a huge difference for you). You probably have more in common with them than you think.

Best wishes to you, and I hope you'll keep posting!