Rough Few Months

Recently my depression has come back with a vengeance. I should be happy, I have a job, a boyfriend, and good friends. But I've never felt so isolated. No one actually cares what's happening to me, they all want me to be there for them but if I bring up my own problems either people brush over them or they compete with me to make theirs seem worse. I'm exhausted all the time. I hate my job. I love my boyfriend but I don't know if he loves me, even though he says he does. My sister is also depressed so I come home exhausted from work only to have to take care of the entire apartment by myself while she was at home all day - I cook, clean, pay the bills and she just makes everything messy and creates more problems for me. Lately, all the traumas from my childhood keep resurfacing. And my grandma was in the hospital for many weeks this past month, I thought she was going to die. I know she will die soon, and I won't be able to go to India for her funeral.

I'm so tired.

[Brandon1987]

Hey there! well you should be happy. If it helps... I have recently come to realize that what depression and anxiety comes down to is that at some point in our lives if not from childhood we had started to switch from positive to negative thought patterns. Eventually, these thoughts turn habitual and we develope a skewed perception of reality. Our brain is a muscle and how we use it determines our views, actions, chemistry etc etc. Your external world has nothing to do with how happy you are. Happiness is a choice we make. now that I know that my thoughts are not ME but just thoughts its easier to deny negativity and just tell myself to cut that shit out and retrain my synapses look at the brighter side of things. You are lucky you have a bf and friends and a job. I doubt that the people in your life don't really care about you! GOOD LUCK

[Hidden]

I am so sorry to hear all you are dealing with. It is so hard to look after ourselves when we are depressed and on top of that you are looking after your sister too. Would it be possible for you to talk to your doctor about how you are feeling? You could really use the support. I am really sorry to hear about your grandmother.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yeah I'm trying to find a family doctor now and when I do I'll speak with them. Hopefully it won't take much longer

[Llab]

Hi back to happy. I'm very sorry to hear that your depression has come back (and also about your family situation).

The return of depression is one of the worst things that can happen to someone. (I'm going through my first depression and I just can't imagine how horrible it would be to get through this only to have it return.)

It's disheartening to hear that those around you aren't supportive, especially your sister who is also a sufferer. Unfortunately it's the case that most people aren't very interested in hearing about other people's problems (I've been guilty of this myself in the past which I deeply regret). On the other hand there are those well-meaning people who want to 'fix' you which can also be annoying.

Do you see a therapist now? That can be a great help. A mental health support group is another option. And of course you can keep posting updates here. People here understand what you are going through and take you seriously. Some kind words make a lot of difference.

[Hidden]

Thanks, yeah it's been tough. I'm planning on getting a counsellor soon hopefully. But yeah, everytime I try to talk most people get awkward or since my sister studied psychology she tries to turn me into a patient by giving pretty generic advice she thinks will fix me.

I'm sorry you're facing depression as well. The first time is always the scariest I think. For me after the first I got good at identifying my symptoms and fighting them off before they got worse (though this time has been worse). You can get through this, I believe in you.

So far this website has been a good source of comfort. Replies like yours are helping me just feel heard and less insane. Hopefully I can do the same for others here and maybe find a source of community that I think I've been missing in the city.