This morning my sister text me and said she was having such a hard morning because she remembered a dream she'd had last night. She was on the phone with our mother, who recently passed away. My sister said she was so upset because she couldn't remember what they talked about and felt guilty about it. I called her and we talked for a little over an hour. When we hung up she was feeling a little better. I told her not to feel guilty because the message mom was giving her wasn't one of distress. I told her that maybe when she got sleepy again tonight something might come to her because that happens with me a lot. We spoke a lot about depression. Both, she and my brother suffer as I do. I guess it's our inheritance, our ancestors said f*k the money, we're going to hand down a little mental instability! (Thanks gramps) I told my sister about this place, this community where I could express myself about whatever because the people that come here get me. They get that I'm having trouble handling things. They get that my emotions seem too overwhelming sometimes, and they get it when I talk about what I do to get that sh*t handled. I felt good about helping her. I felt like smiling and laughing. Then I went out and made what I felt and will always feel was a big mistake. I was totally embarrassed and disappointed in myself. I could feel the rising tide of self-punishment gaining momentum like a huge black tidal wave behind me and it was awful. I was ready to beat my self up until further notice, but someone I care for said, "it's ok, I've done the same thing" and suddenly the wave was gone. His acceptance of my mistake and nonjudgement in the kindest tone was like magic. I will always love him for that. I know I'm better now than I was years ago because I forgave myself, as he forgave me. I wouldn't have let what he said to make any difference years ago. But, I did today I let him help me, and I'm happier for it. I guess one good turn deserves another. Thank you Universe Thank you
WLA...AU
How's you?
First therapy session went good 🙂
Working on Myself
My Sister's Death
Please be here for me! Possible very bad news!
