Tonight I cooked chicken for my husband. I made his favourite dish. He is very picky about how long the chicken should be cooked. Every time I make him taste it to see if it is ready. Normally I cut it to verify then make him taste. I didn’t tonight. I thought about it: what if it is undercooked, that would be bad? Yet, I still didn’t check before make him bite into it. He spitted it out saying it is undercooked for the first time and it needed more time. So I cooked it longer and everything was fine.
The problem is that I couldn’t stop thinking about it and asking myself why did I do that. I am worried that he might get salmonella from it. I told him I was concerned and he said not to think about it. I started crying because I felt guilty for being so purposely careless. I love him why would I risk it knowing that I would feel like a monster for it. I don’t understand why I do the things I do. It concerns me because I love him so much but this made me doubt of deserving him.
Typically I do those kind of careless little thing that could be hurtful only to myself. Then I ruminate about it. But the fact I did that consciously to my husband....something is wrong with me I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like a terrible person.
If someone had done this to me I would be so mad and he isn’t. I have emetophobia and the thought of being sick is beyond distressing to me. Why would I be careless like that?
Written by
Moon_B
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7 Replies
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Moon, you are being so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes and you do not deserve this bullying you are doing to yourself. It is unlikely your husband could be ill as he did not swallow any of the food. Please forgive yourself for this. Your husband is fine and he has forgiven you.
If I could tell you how many times I get nervous cooking chicken.
Don't beat yourself up over it. Your husband is fine. Nothing happened, you were a little preoccupied and skipped your usual step. There's no crime in that.
You need to be more confident in cooking chicken. Lol. You’ve made it several times watch some cooking stuff on chicken YouTube and keep trying. Chicken can be one of those things you need to cut into. If you watch the video’s it will help you feel more confident. I actually stopped buying those rotisserie chickens from the grocery store because they were over or under cooked annoying. Now I do it myself and have it down now how long to cook it trying a few diff methods. Then there’s the bone in or boneless thing esp thighs they can be different sizes. Try to watch videos try methods and confidence and don’t worry about not getting it right every time it’s one of those things try to be proud. You’re trying so hard and sometimes we don’t win when we try but with Practice & confidence we eventually do. Man... I need to apply this to so many areas of my life right now. So Thxs for this post. I’ve been killing myself with torturing myself a long time with things. And I’m anemic from meds & stress. I get you girl.
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