How to accept life is on the way up

[Thelonewolf22]

For all my life I have struggled with keeping friends because of my emotions. I feel very heavy and very dark at times, but I’m also super positive and happy other times. I have gotten to a great point with my family, have a great and supportive gf who I couldn’t loose (she’s super busy right now so I can’t see her too much), have a few good friends and gaining more, have a great job, and pursuing music. But I live in this false reality which makes me become a person I’m not. I believe everyone around me is out to get me. I want to stop thinking like this and enjoy my life, but after years of being used and emotionally abused I don’t know how to. I am happy with the person who I am in a positive mindset, but I want to stop being like this on the other side. Does anyone have any advice of things to do to stay out of that place?

[Saltwater]

Hello. Thanks for sharing. You say you live in a false reality....that means you know deep down that the thoughts you have are not true. This means that you are more likely experiencing a form of paranoia caused by anxiety and not a mental illness as such.

Clinical paranoia is when you 100% believe in your thoughts, there is no part of you that questions what you think. Everyone is out to get you and that's the end of that.

You seem to be suffering from negative thoughts brought on by anxiety. I have these too, and we all do from time to time. I find they are more intrusive when I am stressed, tired or anxious. If you are having them regularly, then perhaps ask yourself what you are anxious about? Is it because you finally have found yourself in a good place and are afraid to lose it?

When we have had a long spell of things going wrong, it can be hard to accept when things start going right. For example, you may feel that you have to continue feeling negative because if you are too lapsed about how good things are now, then something bad might happen....it might all be taken away from you.....you might feel that you need to obsess over the safety of your new found happiness but by doing this, you might end up sabotaging it in the long run.

Do you perhaps deep down believe that you don't deserve to be happy? I know from my experience that I push others and happiness away because it feels foreign to me. I have had anxiety and depression for 30 years and if I have a good day, I start to think that maybe I will be punished for this good day.....I ask myself what will happen now to make up for this?.....If something good happens to me, I won't let myself enjoy it. I start dwelling on what bad thing will happen now to balance it out. Good things don't happen to me, there must be a catch!!!! Do you find yourself thinking like this?

I question things instead of enjoying them, and accepting them and I think some of that comes from a long history of things going wrong.....The thing is that I keep expecting things to go wrong because they always have and so I don't allow myself to enjoy good times. I will try and find something wrong with it. It is self sabotage and I think it is a way to protect ourselves because we have been hurt in the past. We keep our walls up.

The fact that you are here talking about your false reality means you know your thoughts don't make sense which means you might think them, but you don't necessarily believe them.

It is very easy to distrust others, even if they have done nothing wrong...especially if you have had reason in the past to distrust people. When someone lets you down, what's to say other people won't do the same.....if someone abuses your trust, you may not give that trust easily again.

It's completely normal to feel that way but in the end, you end up punishing yourself too as well as pushing away those around you.

Try and get plenty of rest and eat well. Exercise is also great for banishing these kinds of thoughts. I suffer from this too and also from intrusive thoughts....they're the kind where bad things just pop in your mind like accidents and illness for no apparent reason.

I have found that it is better to say to yourself 'I am thinking negative thoughts again' or...I am thinking something that isn't true......Don't tell yourself you are paranoid or crazy because you are not. You are human and you are most likely stressed and worried about losing your happiness.

Try Mindfulness. I can't praise it enough. It has helped me to live in the moment more and stop dwelling on things. Don't let the thoughts set seed in your head, just accept that you are thinking them and physically shake them out of your head. Laugh as you do it to reinforce how silly the thoughts were and carry on with your day.

It gets so much easier if you can learn to quickly dismiss them. Do not engage with them and they will go away. I tell myself 'THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS'. That really helps me. Hope it helps you too.

[All_alone in reply to Saltwater]

Thank you for sharing. Very wise words!

[Saltwater in reply to All_alone]

No problem. All the best.

[Cmarie12]

Hey Lonewolf,

Could you be highly sensitive? Do you feel others energy when you're around them?

I find that when someone with negative energy comes near me, it drags me down. No matter what someone is feeling, good, bad, sad...at the end of the day I feel like my batteries have died and have no energy to do anything, especially be around other people. Isolation is something that I struggle with. Being alone is safe but not healthy. One of the things I listen to now, more than anything is my gut. Those feelings of "someone's out to get me", maybe a distortion but also could be a sign to just be a bit wary until you know for sure.

Anyway, google highly sensitive and see if this describes any of what you are feeling.

Good luck 😘

[cbgrace1980]

It's a constant battle to remind yourself that even though bad things have happened in the past, it does not mean they will continue to happen. You have to continually tell yourself that you are okay, everything is going to be okay, and you will make it through this. How you are feeling is not uncommon. If you aren't sure how to have positive self talk, talking with a counselor will be really great for you. It helped me tremendously even though I still struggle with some trust issues. Things will get better for you!!!

[wantobefree]

It helps me to remember that i am in the matrix, i can be a part of it without belonging to it.