The sun

[Starrlight]

It will come up again announcing a new day...so we keep going. And going again. Prolonged pain. And again. What about when we don’t want to get back up after we fall into the night, getting unexpectedly and deeply depressed. And frightened out of mind. Triggered at almost anything.

That’s where we are now and I think the only thing we can do is look for any thing and any one inspiring to us in order to move along with that strength one second at a time, gathering up strength to use ...It cannot be done even one day at a time now. One moment at a time. I pray and I even sort of believe it’s possible that we all will want to wake again to the sun one day soon. But for now we hide in the shadows we make for ourselves. Shadows despite the sun.

[Bearhug24]

If I could like that post a thousand times I would , brought a tear to my eye, so true.

[Starrlight in reply to Bearhug24]

❤️ thank you

[Agora1]

Poetically said Starrlight. I understand your pain as well as the pain of all

others. My philosophy is that I will live life to it's fullest, until the sun sets

for me permanently. Sending you love xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

to living life to the fullest 🥂

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

To you Starrlight xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

I’m failing; you are so kind... I don’t deserve it

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

Starrlight, I was just starting to write you when the "bell lit up"

I'm glad I checked your message first.

I know how much you struggle with pain each day but know that it is

never, ever you're fault. I learned that years ago when diagnosed

with Fibro that there was going to be a lot of "me time" required to

bring my pain level down. The more I struggled to take care of everyone

else, the higher the pain level got.

It is very difficult to turn down the volume in all we have to do. There comes

a time when it is not about medication or even therapy but about ourselves.

Loving ourselves must be #1 in order for us to survive and go forward.

As I always have with pain whether physical, emotional or both, I turned to

YouTube and would find what I was suffering from and tune into one of there

amazing videos. They have Pain Meditation which I tried one day and my pain

was gone in the 15 minutes it took to listen to it. More than listen Starrlight we

need to become solely attached to every word that speaker is saying. We can't

allow for any distractions from our mind like "but I need to" . No, what we need

at this time of pain is to get back on track. Back in the "me" moment. Everything

that can will wait for tomorrow.

Maybe today is the day you order food in. Put on the headphones and tune the

world out. Little things we can do to make the day more bearable is loving ourselves

unconditionally. Talk to us, feel the support and love each person gives on this

site. You are never alone and never not cared about. But now it's time for Starrlight

to love herself as well. Gentle hugs, Agora xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

(((((((((((((((((** ❤️ hug ❤️ **))))))))))))) Love to you Agora. I don’t understand how to love myself really I don’t see how I deserve it but that will be my aim. Oh I realize you say doing things to make life more bearable is a form of love. I promised to take my kiddos to the pumpkin patch and they deserve it but after that I will try to take me time and block out the world. I wish I felt better as it’s hard to not think of things I don’t feel up to doing. I will get back on track by taking care. Hope you are well. How are you?

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

I'm good Starrlight thanks..

Oh...the days of the Pumpkin Patch...

I use to love it and fear it at the same time, all that

walking and fresh air ugh

But you know what? Once I was there I got into the

spirit of pumpkins and children being so excited and

delicious treats and drinks being sold. Breathe in the

fresh air, look at the faces of happiness on your kids and

get a wagon for the pumpkins.

When back at home, give yourself a treat by making some

"me time" for you. You deserve it. Cross your arms in front

of each other and squeeze. That will be my hug from me to you. xx

Enjoy....

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

Perfect I will soak in their smiling faces and feel the cool breeze and hoping to feel the spirit of the season. Then me. Thanks beautiful.

[PastelPink20]

My therapist always said life is full of hills and valleys.

It’s hard to wake up in the morning and dread the oncoming day. Sometimes, when I can, I open up my notes page and make a list of why I can look forward to the day.

You have a very good way with words. Thanks for sharing. I hope you’ve been finding those things to inspire you to have the strength to keep moving on.

[Starrlight in reply to PastelPink20]

Smart having a list of things to look forward to

[PastelPink20 in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks, sometimes I have to make stuff up.

Like looking forward to wearing a certain pair of cool socks or complimenting a certain person on something I like about them. Idk.

Or I can’t think of anything and I’m late to everything because I begrudgingly begin my day.

Lol that makes it sound like I’m choosing to be late because I can’t think of a reason to want to live my life. I’m glad I show up to things! Even if late!

[Starrlight in reply to PastelPink20]

You are so creative, love it! Inspiring. I’m working on practicing being my own best friend and am able to focus on positive.

[Nom-D-Ploom]

I like the colors we painted our home in. I like listening to the Bee Gees. I am amazed at how affectionate our dog has gotten.

I am hurting. I can't stop thinking about past mistakes. I like that my husband has taken my problems in stride. I hate that I woke up screaming again last night.

I keep reminding myself that even the smallest things can bring some contentment, even in pain. It can be hard, but it can happen.

I hope there is joy in the midst of your pain.

[Pagesofwords in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

Thank you for your beautiful words, Nom-D-Ploom.

[Starrlight in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

(((((((((((((Hug))))))))))))

[Starrlight in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

I’m sorry you are hurting so. Yes I like how you say the smallest of things can bring contentment.

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to Starrlight]

youtube.com/watch?v=yGdP3Cj...(Not working as expected?)

[Pagesofwords]

Beautiful writing and insights, Starrlight. It is important to keep believing. Keep trying. One second at a time. I have been down the painful path that you speak about. I have been lost in the dark night with no hope of sun ever. Many times, many years. Yet, it's true. I am living proof. Keep on. Your writing is a strength that you develop in spite of dark nights. It is like a beacon to others. I appreciate you so much!

[Starrlight in reply to Pagesofwords]

I appreciate you too. It’s so hard to keep trying but there is no choice when I think of my kids I know I have to keep trying harder and harder.

[Starrlight]

Update... it rolls into another day of me hating myself and I hate to be living.

[foxglove in reply to Starrlight]

I too hate very often to be living! The only thing that bothers (comforts me?) me is the thought that it might be worse to be dead....nobody knows really!!!

[Starrlight in reply to foxglove]

True

[foxglove in reply to Starrlight]

Keep that thought in mind!

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to foxglove]

That's why I like Hamlet's soliloquy so much.

[foxglove in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

Good point.