Been alone for a decade

[tm23l]

Hi everybody. I have spent the last decade of my life alone. I never had a good friend, no one invites me out, and no one is interested in me. I’m by myself for majority of the day. I moved for university two months ago but have not had much luck. I joined my university’s rugby team but have not had success making friends. My roommate and I are similar but she already has friends and is almost never in the apartment. I feel like everybody already got friends and not interested in making new ones. I’m starting to believe that I’m never going to have meaningful relationships in life or something is wrong with me. I just want to understand why I’m alone.

[zperry4]

Yeah how’s it goin. This really sucks and I’m sorry that you haven’t had luck with this, being lonely is awful and crushing, so it’s good that you take it seriously.

In my experience, I’ve had to look at both very basic and very nuanced thing. Basics: do I get out enough? Do I have hobbies that involve others? Do I get out in the community? Can I find groups? Do I live in a place that offers enough? Etc.

Nuanced: are there things about me that make it harder to be with me/interact? Does my emotional health ever impact this? Do I need/want to grow in any ways? Are there things in my life that i haven’t moved on from?

This is just a short response, there’s loads more to be said, plus you should have more responses by the morn. I’m really sad to hear this and I really hope you can manage to make it work better. It’s mad corny, but being on here and telling it to total strangers is a great sign of emotional maturity and courage, which are great traits that people like. Also here if you want to talk. Best of luck.

[Hidden]

hello!!hw old are you??

[tm23l in reply to Hidden]

I’m 21

[lillyofthevalley37]

Sorry you are lonely why is this do you think ? Could you ask that room mate for some advice on why you don't have any friends yet ?

Are you shy and quiet?

[tm23l in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Not necessary. I consider myself to be friendly and open to conversations. I’m able to hold a conversation with most people. I just assumed that I’m not interesting enough to people that they will want to come back to talk again.

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to tm23l]

You seem like a nice person to me

[tm23l in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Thank you

[hypercat54]

Hi the skill of how to make friends bypasses some people and this happened with me too. I taught myself to by watching how popular people behaved and copied them. This took some time but eventually I learned too and I have never been friendless since.

One good tip is concentrating on putting others at ease as this takes away the focus on yourself x

[NWGal]

You can develop some good relationships here! If you give us an idea where you're located maybe someone here can meet up for coffee! I really like zperry4's response. Great "golden nuggets" to get you thinking. Good karma my friend. Hope to see you participating!

[HopeandOptimism]

Hi, sorry it's been hard. I applaud you for wanting to figure this out. Maybe you can ask your roommate if you can join her and her friends one night. You can also ask your roommate if she wants to go for dinner one night with you. It might be worth a try. Since you are at school, join a club or activity that you enjoy. You will meet others that way and it may open up some friendships since you have something in common. If you are a person of faith, consider getting involved in campus ministry, that may also be a way to meet people. Volunteering with any social justice cause often allows you to meet like minded people as well. Keep taking yourself out of your comfort zone. You will meet people. Yes, it is important to look at yourself as well in case you are sending a message to others that you are not intending to send. But this may be hard for you to see in yourself by yourself. Think about working with a counselor who can help you unravel what makes you, what you are feeling, what you want....and get the tools to get you there. This may be a rough patch but you will walk through this. It will get better. Keep pushing yourself and stay positive and strong. I wish you well.

[tm23l in reply to HopeandOptimism]

I did join a sports club at my university but it hasn’t been much help

[HopeandOptimism]

Maybe try something else? Keep pushing forward!

[mjlitl13]

Everyone has very good advice but I would like to add joining a Support Group for people suffering from depression.

Actually, there are support groups out there for free.

I joined ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) even though i didn't think there was an alcoholic in my family. I was told the feelings are the same for all people going through tough emotional issues.

I was shy so the group helped me to come out of my shell and make some friends in the process. Again, as was said before, you will be with like-minded people.

Hope you keep coming back here and let us know how you're doing, even if you don't try any of our advice. We don't judge here. We are here to support each other.

Hugs,

MJ