I think I'm suffering from PTSD

[VetteMz]

19 years ago I lost my husband to deep vein thrombosis(blood clots )in his legs..I blame myself cause the doctor said I busted it when I attempted to massage a cramp out..now on the 2nd of September, I was caring for and elderly woman..she died in front of me,and she had a DNR order all I could do was rub her feet while she died..(she loved her feet rubbed) than I sat holding her hand for an hour waiting for hospice to arrive.I helped the mortictions put her body on the stretcher,and I helped put her in the transport van.These incidents have really messed my head up.can't stop re seeing these events,,I'm up to six anxiety attacks a day.

[Hidden]

Oh man I really feel for you...it's so very difficult to say goodby and your husband...it's a no wonder you've been triggered by having the woman pass...you need time to mourn and it doesn't matter how long it takes you...everyone is different...took me ten years for my mom...and sometimes I think I'll always mourn her...

I wish for you peace of mind...

Dump trucks of groovy love, peace ,light, joy and hugs for you!

[Hidden]

I see you just joined...welcome to the site...you'll love it here....lots of caring and kind folks here...

Yepper doodles more dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs!

[VetteMz in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the warm welcoming..I can honestly say this is only a handful of times I've smiled since the 2nd.Bless You Bless You Bless You

[Hidden in reply to VetteMz]

I truly understand yet not the loss of my hubby..can't even imagine how you feel...I'll be here for you, okay?

Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs!

[VetteMz in reply to Hidden]

Thanks PeachyLisa,with everything upside in my head I'm gonna need ya.

[Hidden in reply to VetteMz]

I'll do my best for you...

May you have some happy today..

Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs for you!

[Hidden]

Oh in no way shape or form was it your fault your hubby passed...only One does that...

Thrombosis is what took my mom 30 years ago due to cancer...

Yepper doodles more dump trucks filled with groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs!

[VetteMz]

Everyone reminds me that it isn't my fault but everytime I think about the night of the massage,than the next morning he called me before I even made it to work,said he was in trouble...I rushed home with our 19month old,opened the door he stood up called my name than fell to the floor....oh dear God why did I rub his cramps

[Hidden in reply to VetteMz]

This is not your fault...please stop blaming yourself...sadly it was his time....be kind to yourself..

Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs!

[KittenMam]

You had no idea he was going to throw a clot. It sounds like your being to hard on yourself. You sound like a loving and caring person. The way you handled the woman is simply amazing. I hope to have a care taker like you for my mother when her time comes. You are a rarity in these times where empathy is lacking in society.

[VetteMz in reply to KittenMam]

Hello thank you for your kind words...all I've ever wanted to do was care and take care of others...I regret that I couldn't take care of my husband when he needed me most..I was only 24,he had just turned 30.

[Hidden]

I feel for you too. Easing your husband’s cramp is a simple loving act.

What a wicked, wicked, heartless doctor to have said that to a young mother of a 19 month old child. I can’t begin to imagine the pain this has caused you. For years.

Caring for a dying woman as you did is just lovely, but it’s not surprising that it makes you think of your real sadness. Grief will come in waves, let it until the waves ebb and you can bear it again.

[Sillysausage234]

Welcome 🙋🏻‍♂️

[Sabio77]

thank you for sharing this tuff time with us VetteMz. you a good person experiencing sensitive moments. You are entitled to morn for both your husband and the lady you took care of. Have you looked into a trained professional or group therapy? I am sorry for your loss. Sending hugs