September Life Update

[faulhallen]

Hello everyone!

I hope you’re all doing well.

So life has been complicated the last couple of months and I wish that I could blame that for why I haven’t been on basically at all but I feel like that would be a lie. In reality I think my depression has been worse than I realize and been making me a touch antisocial.

So I don’t remember what all I said in the July update at this point and if I try to go back and read it I may never actually get around to finishing this one but here we go. What’s been going on with me....

So around the end of July I stopped being able to get along with my ex entirely. I don’t know necessarily what changed but it happened. She was trying to screw me out of money every chance she could get, every single thing she said or did irritated me beyond all reason, and it ended in me spending 3 days so entirely furious with her I couldn’t stand it. All the while I’m getting talked down to by her evil racist mother and I was just done with it. I had a friend offer to let me stay with her for a while if I needed to so after waking up Monday still furious with her and quickly getting into a fight via text message with my ex, I left work early, finished packing the last of my stuff and moved out, fully prepared to leave every bit of furniture behind and start over entirely from scratch if I had to.

I wish it went differently because I know that was hard on my daughter but I just couldn’t do it anymore... I have never been so utterly done with someone in my life...

I was there around 2-3 weeks or so before moving into my own place at the beginning of August. It’s entirely meant to be temporary. It seemed more in my budget than it’s turning out to be but it has only one real stair to get my son up and was available quickly. The plan is to stay there for 1-2 years and find something better, or at least hopefully better for the amount of money I’m paying.

Anyway, it’s still a mess from moving. Me and my ex made up enough that I got my furniture but we still seem to argue if we talk more than 2 minutes at a time and she still manages to infuriate me in a single text message. I blame 3 things for the mess. First, owning more junk than I realized, followed by depression/exhaustion, and my son being in the hospital.

I’m still trying to decide where everything will go or more importantly do I even need/want it. I have more free time than I have in over 11 years but I’ve become terrible about putting things off and saying things like, I’ll finish this episode, or I’ll get to the next checkpoint (in a game), or more likely, I’ll just take a 30 minute nap. Before I know it hours have passed and I haven’t done anything and still don’t feel like doing it.

My notifications on here have never worked right for messaging at least, but even with text messages, I’ll here it beep and then say, I’ll answer in a minute and then forget I haven’t responded.

I need to work on this. My goal this week is to try and push myself to be more productive and social. I think I needed this selfish period and still might do the same tonight but oh well.

I learned since I started typing this (nearly 8 hours ago now) that my son is finally coming home. He’s had bouts of uncontrollable and unexplained vomiting mixed with a sleep study so bad the pulmonary doctors seemed to panic.

There was a lot of argument over what caused the vomiting and they didn’t want to put a bi-pap on him and have him throw up into it and have it blow back into his lungs making him even more sick. Long story short, they made an adjustment to his feeding tube and got the settings where they liked them.... it only took a bit over 2 weeks 🙄

So that’s basically it. I’ll respond to people’s messages this evening for those that I haven’t found time to answer after work and at some point I’ll try and finish the 2 ideas I had for an attempt at a positive post for the first time in months. It’s easier to bring up my notes on my phone and type a bit here and there then it is to read and craft a meaningful response since my phone doesn’t like keeping this app up so I’m always at risk of losing what I’ve typed. Until then I wish you all the best!

[hypercat54]

Hi it must be very hard to leave your children and their mother, but things hopefully will settle down in time. I presume you are still seeing your children and paying towards their upkeep? So at least you can still stay close to them. x

[faulhallen in reply to hypercat54]

I am and I'm seeing them at least twice a week so far. My son being in the hospital has made it complicated but I've always spent the last two weekends with the hospital with him and then random nights with the previous time he was there for a few days when they thought it was his gallbladder and then the night he had the sleep study that freaked them out. I've also talked to my daughter through video chat. It has been hard but it should start getting better. My son has a major surgery scheduled for the end of October which will make things difficult but hopefully I'll have more time to adjust by then.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

I think you’re being very resilient. You do realize you must mourn the death of your relationship and the lifelong dreams you had in your head that came with it. That makes her annoying. Take care of yourself and know that people care.

[faulhallen in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Thank you so much for your support. I hadn't thought of that