I cannot look at myself

[Readysetshi]

I hate myself right now. I feel gross and I am embarrassed of myself. All the lies i believed and the dumb things I did or thought just embarrass me! I hate myself

[vp_tx210]

Are you ok?

[Readysetshi in reply to vp_tx210]

I just had a moment there. I am feeling better now

[Hidden]

🤗 I don’t care about those embarrassing or dumb things. I wish you feel better.

[Readysetshi in reply to Hidden]

Thank you!

[TrustnGod]

Hello Readysetshi. It’s very easy to allow ourselves to slip into a mindset where we think back to the past and all of the ridiculous things we did. But remember that that’s in the past for a reason. You have a future where you can learn from your mistakes and grow. How amazing is that! Don’t allow yourself to be paralyzed by your past. There is so much hope for you yet.

~Lia

[Readysetshi in reply to TrustnGod]

I appreciate this.

[Hidden]

If only I could believe that....

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

Why can't you?

[Hidden in reply to BonnieSue]

Because I have done some stupid things when I was in a manic state. Hurt other people. They have forgiven me but I can’t forgive myself.

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

Why not? Are you extra special, high above the rest of us that you cannot be forgiven?

[Hidden in reply to BonnieSue]

Actually the exact opposite.i feel like a total loser for some of the things I have done. I have been told that I have been forgiven but I can’t seem to accept it

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

Can you believe these people are capable of forgiveness?

[Hidden in reply to BonnieSue]

Oh the person that I hurt the worst, my brother, laughed about it and has certainly forgiven me. It’s me who hates myself for doing what I did while in a distorted state of mind.

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

Oh, I so get it because I've walked where you've walked. But still we should forgive ourselves for the acts of a "distorted mind", as you put so well. Acts we wouldn't normally have done and now regret. Acts born of a disease we would willingly give up in a second, but must bear daily. It's not of our choice. Forgive yourself and I'll forgive myself. It's not of my choice, either. I carry on because I must. But I didn't choose this path, I simply bear it, doing the best I can.

[Hidden in reply to BonnieSue]

Sounds all well and good. I didn’t always have a distorted mind. Mine was born out of trauma. I knew normalcy so it’s especially hard to forgive myself and I am trying to come to terms that I even did what I did! Mind you, this was a year ago and I still think about it. Part of my ocd ... rumination.

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

Also part of being human...we make foolish mistakes, mature, move on. Our past usually contains mistakes that we regret and don't repeat if we are growing and maturing. Mistakes we acknowledge & apologize for where possible, and accept. I became bipolar 3 yrs. ago and have had to accept new personality faults I've never had before. Eat humble pie, apologize, accept me as I now am. What a learning experience! In a smaller way, you and others must do the same.

[Hidden in reply to BonnieSue]

I am still trying to find the right meds for my newly diagnosed manic depression as my mind needs to be calmed. I am 61 .. Do you take meds?

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

Omigosh!! You too!! I was a new diagnosis at 60 for bipolar II !!! Very unusual!! No trauma. Yes, I take meds, although my fiance is completely educated and emotionally invested in herbs and supplements and I'll be trying them for some things. This is AMAZING!!

[Hidden in reply to BonnieSue]

What meds do you take?

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

Seroquel/quetiapine, viibryd (soon to d/c), bupropion, and other meds like levothyroxine, etc.

[hypercat54]

Hi do you think you are the only person in the world who believes lies and embarrasses themselves etc? We all do it all the time but the secret is to accept yourself as you are and understand it is part of life. Having said that learn from the experiences too and move on. You need to learn to develop faith in yourself and you only get this from life. x

[Readysetshi in reply to hypercat54]

I do need to have more faith in myself. Thank you!

[hypercat54 in reply to Readysetshi]

Yes you do. Work on this and remember you are good enough and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone - only you. x

[Readysetshi in reply to hypercat54]

YES!!

[AnIslandOfPeace]

Oh shit, that's one thing we don't have in common. Lol. Unlike you, I love you. You should be like me some time because loving you is pretty great. 😂😂😍😛😊☺

[Readysetshi in reply to AnIslandOfPeace]

This made me laugh, clever. I appreciate it!

[Readysetshi in reply to AnIslandOfPeace]

This made me laugh, clever. I appreciate it!