I really have no idea what I’m dealing with anymore☹️

[Meyer_Gdmnx]

Hi guys as you know if you’ve read any of my previous posts I’ve been dealing with generalised anxiety disorder and health anxiety as well as panic disorder for over a year now but these past few months/ weeks make me feel like I’m never going to shake this. Let me explain

1.) I feel that my long term unemployment has had an irreversible impact on my mind.

2.) The contamination anxiety is really becoming a problem as well as the irrational beliefs e.g ( my TV is making me feel unwell because it’s unlucky) and not eating things I touched with my hands.

3.) My inability to deal with day to day stresses for example being left too cool for myself or left a lone all day. Getting a cold. Not feeling like eating or just general day to ya aches and pains nobody pays attention to become major life threatening concerns.

4.)if I smell anything I don’t like I believe it’s poising or making me unwell in some way

5.) My incredibly low self esteem and motivation. Thinking I haven’t got the personality to become a comedian as well as the talent/ motivation and thinking my illness is going to cripple me for life and it’s going to be an endless cycle of therapy getting better then getting worse and refusing to take meds

Just don’t know what do or think or say anymore despite vast improvements I still feel a way off

[Beevee]

The good news is, you have described the symptoms of anxiety. Which is entirely curable. You got yourself into this hole which means you can also get yourself out of it.

There is no bad news. You aren’t crippled. Your anxiety thinks you are crippled. It keeps reminding you, constantly. Like a stuck record (remember vinyl?). The thing is, you are not anxiety. Anxiety is not you. It doesn’t define who you are as a person. The comedian in you is still there. It’s just buried beneath the symptoms of anxiety, waiting to rise to the surface, when you decide to let it happen.

You mention that you have run out of ideas and steam too, by the sounds of things. This is also good. When you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.

In my experience, it sounds like to me that you are still fighting this thing. Battling to think and feel different every day. Feckin tiring if you ask me. It is also not the way to go about finding the old you. As someone a lot wiser than me once said, You won’t recover until you stop trying to recover. This means to give up that fight, let yourself think and feel anything and do f**k all to change it. In other words, I stopped trying to recover and guess what? I recovered.

If you want me to go into more detail, please read some of my posts on this site first and come back to me if you are not certain about anything.

I also enjoy a good joke. I went to see about yoga last week. The instructor asked if I was flexible so I said I couldn’t make Tuesdays.

[Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to Beevee]

That was a really brilliant response thank you so much it was one of the most helpful things I’ve ever read and I’m so happy that you’ve overcome anxiety it’s truly remarkable to me. I just often feel like I’m reacting to how terrible my body feels all day and from what I’ve read anxiety only lasts ten minute intervals? For example I’ll feel very weak and sick. And my whole body will just feel like it’s not well or right fit days at a time. I worry about how much and what I eat and how much i sleep etc and just constantly thinking about how I feel unable to stop. Not to mention the horrendous fear of contamination I just don’t know how to stop constantly focusing on how I feel?

[Beevee in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx]

If you live your life regardless of how you may be thinking or feeling, taking the anxiety with you, your focus, which is currently inwards (monitoring how you may be feeling) will gradually turn outwards, on to other things. You will gradually lose interest in the symptoms and start enjoying things. It’s a smooth transition which will happen naturally. You don’t have to do anything except live your life and not get involved with the symptoms. Observe them instead of engaging with them all the time.

[Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to Beevee]

Thank you for your the wonderful advice I’ll certainly try my upmost to apply it if there ever anything I can do for you feel free to drop me a message I’m always here and happy to help anyone much love and support and thanks so much again ❤️

[Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to Beevee]

And you can never beat a good yoga joke haha