I should have known better. But I did it anyway. I knew someone for only a short period of time, they needed money, and I lent them $200. I knew already that this person had had a problem managing their money years earlier, but I figured they had changed. They needed the money because of an unexpected car repair. In the meantime, I broke this friendship up for MANY reasons. I blocked my phone number and my email address from them. This was about 3 weeks ago. Needless to say, I never got the money and I most likely never will. I feel SO stupid and SO angry about this. And I WILL NOT confront this person again about the money. I don't even have their number anymore. But anyway, I feel like if you have to TELL.someone the right thing to do, what's the point?? If the tables were turned, and someone took me out of their life, it wouldn't matter to me. A debt is a debt. I would STILL make sure I paid them back!! My question is-HOW do I get over this ANGER?? EVERY DAY I look in my mailbox, half expecting a check from them. But who am I kidding?? I already KNOW I'm not getting it back. It's not even the point of how much or how little it is. It's the fact that someone took advantage of my good nature, that is killing me!
I'm feeling very stupid and angry 😡 - Anxiety and Depre...
I'm feeling very stupid and angry 😡
I have done that too with a much greater amount of money to help someone get their electricity back on for the kids. I never got it back. I did it again recently for someone at work and had to wait six months to get it back.
My philosophy now is if ever lending money do it out of the goodness of your heart and you may ask but don't expect to get it back. You have to let it go. It was a good deed and you will be rewarded.
I'm sorry that happened to you. 
I don't believe in karma, so to me-it's just a loss.
They did take advantage of your generosity. You need to let it go for your peace of mind. Maybe write them a letter telling them how you feel. Also tell them you forgive them and they no longer owe you the $$, it is over. Then forget it. Maybe by taking the higher road you might plant a seed in their thoughtless hearts. Staying angry doesn’t help, it hurts you. I never lend $$ that I cannot afford to lose. I can’t say how many cars I’ve sold to our kids on “ payment” that I’ve yet to collect the $$. I took $20,000 out of my work 401K to help son with divorce. Stupid, we will never see the $$. Lesson learned. Now Im retired, no extra $$, not a question anymore re loading $$, the well has gone dry. Kiss it goodbye, quit thinking about it. Good luck, you are a good person.
Wow. I'm sorry. The same thing happened to my dad many, many years ago with one of my brothers. My dad loaned him a very large amount of money and never got it back. So there were 3 of us. My father changed his will to say that instead of his money getting equally divided 3 ways, that X amount would be deducted from the one brother, and he would then get any that was left over. It didn't benefit my dad, but I feel he did the right thing by me and my other brother.
Yes that was very fair of him. I’m not worrying about the $$. If I could live those years over, I would say no as I could use that $$ now. But I’m paying the bills, lol. Son is happily remarried for 5 yr to a great christian woman, they have 4 kids between them, aren’t rich so unless he wins the lottery, I won’t get any $$. I don’t care. It’s history. God took care of him then, He will take care of me❤️
Communication is the key. You have unfinished anguish over a debt. It's not the amount it's the principle. How do you know what they were thinking. If they were a freind then they would be pretty desperate to ask for money. You could ask for a reason why they did not pay it back. But you could also say to yourself I live and I learn and forgive them. Not for their benefit as hate and anger take more out of you than it does out of them.
I want ZERO contact with them ever again. I will just have to say-live and learn. I will not forgive them though. I'm sorry-I don't forgive people that have wronged me.
Hi you are more angry at yourself for being so guillable than your 'friend', and I know the feeling well. However let it go as it's not important and can only damage you in the long run. I too always remember those who wrong me but then I think of all the right people I have known too and this balances it out.
Take comfort in the fact you are a nice decent person who does your best for others. But don't do it again regardless of the sob story! x
That's something to think about. Thank you.
You are welcome. Based on my own experiences. x
Don't be so hard on yourself, you have a Big heart and just wanted to help someone, it's human nature. Unfortunately there are those who take advantage and don't care. I learned the Hard way. I wouldn't even help my own daughter with co-signing a car cause I know how she is with money. You better get a back bone. Oprah said"If you don't have it to give, don't give"
Thank you. The thing is-it's not about how much the amount was. It's just the principle that this person took advantage of me. I know you get it.
I never said anything about the amount, it's just The Fact that you we're taken advantage of and it has happened before, they say past behavior is the predictor of future behavior? I Never lend money anymore it hurts relationships.
I guess I should think about it like this too-$200 was a small amount to pay to get this person out of my life for good. In all my years, I don't think I have EVER come across this type of person-the most passive aggressive person I have ever met. Maybe I would have gotten paid back, if I kept the friendship. MAYBE. But I'm MUCH happier now without having anything to do with them.
You could look at it that way? Keeping him as a friend wouldn't have made a difference, it's in his DNA to be this way. You are who you are.
I absolutely agree!!
Hi there Mel I'm Jason just read your message,you sound very like me despite knowing deep down that this person will probably rip u off , through your good nature you still gave them the benefit of the doubt,so if I were you try take the positives you done your bit as your obviously a good kind person they are the ones who will be punished eventually as they say what comes around goes around,maybe not overnight , maybe not even in your lifetime but trust me something will happen to them and you may never even know because they will be to embarrassed to say to you so don't be angry as hard as it is just take the positives from it ok
You people are AMAZING!!! NO MATTER WHAT SUBJECT I come on here and talk about, ALL OF YOU give such great advice! I am truly happy to "know" people like you!! 😊😀
This is a great forum, I feel the same as you. People speak from their 💜
I too have helped people who I knew were not worthy of my friendship and I expected them to change. I’ve been burned financially 3 times. Cause I think I should give people the second chance!
It’s hard to let it go! If you don’t it will consume you!
I lost 15,000$ to a online boyfriend
That’s really stupid. I just wanted to be loved! I still punish myself
Forgiveness is the only answer.
I mean forgive yourself or you will become bitter
Oh my goodness. I AM SOOO SORRY. I don't know what to say. ☹
I remember years ago I gave a friend 500 to buy a scooter and another 150 also for a scooter the guy I gave 500 paid me back 20 pound a week till it was clear the other guy never paid the 150 should have known better.
It's not only the money. There were other things going on, such as their passive aggressive attitude which would drive me up the WALL!!! I feel like I never got to say my piece. I COULD HAVE, but chose not to, because it would have gotten very ugly, and I don't like when things like that happen. So I said NOTHING and blocked them totally. So I feel like they are just laughing at me for being so stupid. They never even asked me for money. I knew they were having a problem, and just offered it. I need to let this go, but am having a problem. Thank goodness it was only $200, and not more!! But still-it's the principle of it. I feel like they got the last word verbally, ( which actually they did because I let them), and also financially. It's like a "F### Y##!! Am I allowed to blur out certain words, or is that not allowed?
blocking out is better but very understandable because it reflects the true anger and hurt.
I had a family member who treated our family the same way. I don't know about how to get rid of the anger. That might just be a matter of time, space, and patience; however, I would definitely cut the person off unless they decide to apologize and make things right again. Manipulative people are toxic, and you don't have to take that kind of abuse. Just out of curiosity, is this a person who is habitually manipulative, or was this a one-time thing? If this was just a one-time thing, it could be a misunderstanding, but, if this person is just manipulative, I say cut them out of your life, and just give yourself time and patience to get over the anger. To put it in perspective, my guess is that, five years from now, this won't even be on your radar anymore.
To be honest, I only knew this person for 2 1/2 months. The passive aggression started IMMEDIATELY. The backhanded compliments, and talking about "other" people, when the comments were really meant for ME. I have experienced passive aggression from someone else before, but not in this way. UNBELIEVABLE. So even if I got my money back, AND an apology, I want NOTHING to do with them.
Hate to say it but if you want peace you might want to look at it like this .... money is the root of all evil. You showed kindness from your heart when you lended it. When it comes to people
Like that “ and this happened to me as well on several occasions and lost family members “ but when it comes to people who borrow and don’t give it back what I finally told myself was this. If they are willing to lose a friend or family member over measly money then they have it wayyyy worse than me. I have it with good intentions and the universe has a way of paying it forward maybe not from that person but one day in your time of. Need. God knows you did it out of the kindness of your heart no reason to feel STUPID for being a good person. I have since let 3 people back into my life and forgave them. But when they ask me for things I straight up either say no for obvious reasons or I just help without wanting anything in return. So I have peace. I was mad for years until I learned this. Good luck and just know your not stupid that’s called compassion
Thank you!! You said-"No reason to feel stupid for being a good person". You're right!! 😊 That's the way I have to look at it!!
🙏🏻exactly
You are a good person yet when it comes to money don't give it unless u can afford to lose it. Please boundaries boundaries boundaries. No is not a dirty word
Thank you. They never asked for it. I just offered it because I knew they needed it. Never again.
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