A complete failure

Wow, isn't it fun how I keep messing things up??? I keep pushing others away because I'm paranoid about being alone, and have a history of being screwed over by others. I'm extremely short tempered especially when I'm hurting, because my mind jumps galaxies every second and that makes people hate me. The mistakes I've made because of my mind make me question my own existence. Being so alone, trapped in the insanity of my demons who comfort me, it just makes me go numb. What do I do?😞

[Scarfy]

Hey, toomanypez, I am sorry that you are going through this. I have had serious temper problems in the past.

First... paranoid about being alone... but if you push everyone away, you will end up alone. I think it's important to realise that people are different. We can form different relationships with them. Some last a lifetime. Some just a very short while. And that's... okay, you know? Not everyone passing through our lives is there to stay. And that's seriously okay. Learn to let go of people who arent meant to stay and be a friend to those who are worth the effort. Maybe some of them will stay forever... but fear of being alone is counterproductive. We all have it and it doesn't serve a purpose.

Regarding the temper problems - I realised that my anger stemmed from unresolved issues with people. I hadn't forgiven them and that anger towards the was fueling anger towards everyone. I learned a meditation technique about forgiveness and after a few times it worked. I felt so good and so light... I havent had temper problems since then. Over 3 years now.

I hope you find some comfort on this website and trust me, having a full and happy life starts with the decision to take that path.