No way out: Then make one... ...That’s... - Anxiety and Depre...

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No way out

Starrlight profile image
40 Replies

Then make one...

...That’s what I’m telling myself and am determined to do after I dig my way out from wanting to be done with it all... buuuuut not sure exactly how and if I am strong enough to go through all the work all the pain coming shortly...I’ve gotten stronger but more and more is now weighing on me so I guess I have to fight harder harder than I know exists. I’m so scared. There are a few of major things that I won’t talk about I just can’t trust I can’t open up that much right now.

40 Replies
gerrerd profile image
gerrerd

relax xx

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to gerrerd

Easier said than done and then when I do relax it won’t change the hardships I guess though how I react to them makes a difference... but right now I can’t see the hope

gerrerd profile image
gerrerd in reply to Starrlight

Everything is thought ! you choose the reaction ! attachment to them causes the problem ! xx

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to gerrerd

Having problems with intrusive thoughts and with how I am able to react I worked so hard at times but sometimes it just isn’t gonna do it

gerrerd profile image
gerrerd in reply to Starrlight

Sit and watch your thoughts ! dont try the harder you try the harder it will get, relax. You are following them and believing them ! The mind is like a drunken monkey. You have to take control of them. and stop getting lost in them. Try mindfulness meditation ! xx

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to gerrerd

Ok thank you

greenyartist profile image
greenyartist

Wonderfully worded! Keep fighting through your beautiful writing!

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to greenyartist

I’ll try I just so hard seems it always is what’s the point... is it love... does love take away the bad the harshness the torment

newbie56 profile image
newbie56 in reply to Starrlight

Love Never Fails...in the end, you'll see :)

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to newbie56

Yeah I feel I’m living off love without it there is what

newbie56 profile image
newbie56

That's a wonderful photo !

Take good care of yourself <3

melbrown profile image
melbrown

Beautiful, strong Starrlight 💗 I believe in you... I know it can be hard to believe in yourself ... especially when the darkness wants to swallow us. Biggest of hugs & loves dear one.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to melbrown

I feel less alone thank you Melbrown. How are you?

melbrown profile image
melbrown in reply to Starrlight

Short answer... still fighting, trying to take it day by day. My therapist & I are working hard. Proud of myself for going through with both of our weekend plans last week. Wasn't easy but I did it. Hugs Starrlight... don't forget you are loved.

Ddorne profile image
Ddorne

It sounds like you are on a good path. Maybe rocky, but good. God bless.

LD

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Ddorne

That’s cool thank you. Yeah maybe you are right and I think I will believe it as much as I can today one day as I search for one beautiful moment at a time.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Starrlight

I’m thinking now my path is noooooo gooood. I’m not in s good place. This day seems like a curse.

JEG325 profile image
JEG325

S, when you refuse to let those who care about you in, it weakens your efforts considerably. 2 is definitely better than one. If you spend all your time arguing with yourself, who is ever going to offer you a different viewpoint? You need to open up with others to hear a different side to life. I am the king of bottling stuff up sometimes. But, my sweetie & my 2 closest friends listen to me, give me good advice and help me get through life. Does that make me weaker? I think not. I think it makes me lucky and blessed. FYI: Have you considered that your meds are not doing their job properly? Why are you still feeling like this when you're taking stuff that's supposed to make you feel better? Something definitely seems wrong there....There are plenty of ways to fight this that doesn't involve clawing your way upstream through life, fighting yourself, life's natural current and problems (i.e. your prescriptions) that might not even be your fault. Right?

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to JEG325

I just don’t know my friend.

JEG325 profile image
JEG325 in reply to Starrlight

That's why you have friends, S. They offer you a different perspective and care for you whether you want them to or not. You've never had to ask me to care, I always have anyway....Take a look at you meds. I think something could be off. Otherwise, I will stand strong beside you in any and every fight you face!

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to JEG325

I’m so done. I have so much like to know of some of the best things in life but yeah well it’s a new day to try again

Scigy1 profile image
Scigy1

I completely get what you are saying. Sometimes we can feel that there is no way forward, no one to share the secrets inside for fear that no one can possibly understand. Try me offline if you want 😊

Sorry to hear how your feeling starlight.

Truly hope you feel better soon.

🤗 xxxx

fauxartist profile image
fauxartist

I feel for you, and understand what your going through, I have depression, and etc's...and it's always an on going battle sometimes. There is hope for us though...awareness is becoming a reality. I'm watching this show about kids called 'Euphoria'....and there's one main character who is dealing with depression. She had gone into a very deep dark place and was stuck for days, weeks. Until her mother found her colapsed in the hallway, picked her up, and said...'you know honey....this disease wax's and wains, but you know your always going to eventually come out of it again, and you will probably have this for the rest of your life. But learning to survive the downside is the hardest.....

I was so pleased to see it finally said in a TV show....millions with depression will finally be acknowledged I feel because of this kind of media attention.

Lets hope this leads to better social understanding, and medical help for us.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to fauxartist

That made me cry I have been crying a lot ... thanks for understanding... I’m picturing being lifted up off the ground like the girl...Omg this pain it’s too much but it’s so true it lifts I’m just so tired Faux ... you are right that was a good message of truth being sent out into the world

Nom-D-Ploom profile image
Nom-D-Ploom

Can you write it down? Write the things you cannot say. Pay attention to grammar and creativity. This will let you let some of the hurt out, but it will also distance you. It becomes an artistic endeavor. Work it until you are a bit proud of your writing. Then, when you are ready you can show it to someone else. Hopefully, you can share the work with your therapist, and never have to actually say it.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Nom-D-Ploom

Oh thank you yes it’s a good idea. ((((((((Nom-D-Ploom)))))))) how are you?

Nom-D-Ploom profile image
Nom-D-Ploom in reply to Starrlight

I am doing well, thanks.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight

So I’ve written and done much distraction out all over the place playing with my kiddos with only more anguish later after I feel exhausted of life I feel like it’s my fault in my heart but logically it’s not like I’m trying to have a terrible time. I still just don’t think it’s ok but it’s a fact I want to die. Scary shit.

Yes we have to adapt. If we don’t things get worse. Concentrate on the good we do or have or receive each day. The other is just “ good to know” and plan from there or exit a door. We have to be our own best friends and parents to ourselves at certain ages. You deserve love as much as anyone who thinks kindly at times that kindness is meant even given to ourselves shine on !

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

(((((((((((Guitara69))))))))))

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight

All I can do right now is get my notebook and let it have it ... things I would not share anywhere came from me, given to no one, just a strange new energy in the sky now.

LilyAnnepuppy profile image
LilyAnnepuppy

There is always hope even when we cannot see. The Great Spirit does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Check out a song by Mercy Me titled “Even If.” It helps me particularly when I feel spiritually abandoned

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to LilyAnnepuppy

Thank you. So true I do believe there are angels or guides or God helping ❤️ 🙏 😊

Ollyvie profile image
Ollyvie

Hello Starrlight

I must say I like your attitude. If there is no way out, then you will make one. That is the way to go. Never giving up on yourself. Am sorry that you have to go through this. I can understand what you are feeling right now. I know it can be overwhelming sometimes. If you have survived through this up till now the you have got what it takes to deal with this. You can survive this one too like you have done before. You are a precious strong person. I know that it’s hard to trust people with some personal issues but there are some people that can be trusted too.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Ollyvie

Thank you so very much. I needed to hear your uplifting words. Powerful.

Ollyvie profile image
Ollyvie in reply to Starrlight

How has your day been today?

Kkimm profile image
Kkimm

Hi 🌟

Love the photo and the writing. Sorry to hear you are feeling bad. Have you done your challenge of taking the kids to the beach for a holiday. Your photo makes me think you have but perhaps it is an old one.

Really hope all goes well on your Challenge.

Kim

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Kkimm

Hey yup at beach right now. Half having a blast and half in a pit of darkness it’s so damn frustrating but trying to pull out and focus on light

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight

On the way home I was suicidal. Not to the degree that I had to react to the urge and the dark way of thinking so much that I’d go through with my plans. I’m so sad. Today I am happy with myself for accomplishing a lot but I’m still suicidal. 😞

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