I haven't been on here in a while because I've been doing pretty good. Last month I had to put my dog down and it rocked my world. I miss her so much. She was pretty much the only thing that held me together after my bad break up.
Last December I finally decided to quit drinking after battling with alcohol for the past 10 years. After 7 months of sobriety I started fucking up again. I've drank about 3 times in this past month. A couple days ago it was pretty bad. I got sloppy blackout drunk and pissed off and disappointed a lot of people. Now in sitting here full of guilt, anxiety and depression. How did I let myself fall back to this shit?! I'm so disappointed in myself.
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FightingTheDarkness
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hisorry to hear about your beloved dog my honest opinion I probably would do the same.7 month sober is great and blips will happen in difficult times.it will make you even more determined to get back on the waggon and go again.hopefully in a day or two with a clearer head you could say sorry to anyone you may have hurt surely they will understand.would you get another dog I cant live without one.
Thank you for your kind words. I want to apologize to everyone right now, but waiting a couple days will probably be best. Hopefully they will understand.
I miss my dog so much, my house is so empty without her. I will probably get another dog but I need to give it some time.
I hope I can get back on waggon and this was just a temporary blip. This slip up was a big reminder of how bad things can get when I drink. I was do so good for a while
that's what to aim for again getting back to that better place and maybe even with a brand new puppy to cheer you up.the determination you showed before will see you through this draw on your strength from before.maybe even take up a new hobby or back into an old one you liked to keep you going.
I totally understand and sympathise about your dog,they really do make a difference in your life,especially help in improving our mental health.
Please don’t beat yourself up about drinking.Relapse is part of Recovery and as long as you learn something from Relapse,it can be turned around into a Positive aspect of Recovery.I had 5 years of Sobriety and relapsed in January 2016 for 6 months.I am now sober 3 years All I will say is that your body finds it harder each time you slide back into alcohol mode.What was different for me this time and is so very helpful and in my opinion,vital to maintain sobriety,is group support,whether it be AA,or other groups.I belong to a great on line community called BOOM Community /Re-think the drink,you will find it on Facebook or Google.You can download the APP on your phone under name Mighty Network.Hope this helps 😊
Thank you for your response. I'm trying not to beat myself up but it's hard. 7 months of not blacking out and not having to apologize to people and I threw it all away. Now the guilt and shame are back in full force. The past few mornings I've been waking up to anxiety attacks, I thought I was done with this.
I'm trying my best to use this situation as a learning experience. I hate this feeling and I guess I needed to remember how bad it feels. Maybe the relapse was a blessing in disguise. I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard.
I looked into the Boom community but it wanted my personal information. I want to stay anonymous. Maybe I'm doing something wrong
I can’t check this because I am already a member of BOOM,but I don’t remember being asked for personal information,in fact they encourage you to use an anonymous name on this site,you can’t even see where someone is from,unless they choose to share this.About the anxiety,because you have drank a few times in the last month,alcohol is going to increase your anxiety levels.Please try not to be hard on yourself,this is a sure fire way to start the slippery slope of drinking again.I speak from personal experience ☹️
I'm so sorry about your dog. Nothing can replace your sweet fur baby. Pray that some day you'll meet her at the rainbow bridge. I've had to bury four dogs over the years and it's been very difficult. I pray for God to watch over their sweet souls. Grieving takes time. Be gentle on yourself.
I ache with you for the loss of your sweet dog. Aren't they the very BEST of friends? No judgment, always happy to see us, so forgiving...if only all humans could be that way. But I digress.
First of all, you need to stop beating yourself up. OK, so you messed up. We all mess up. The thing is: what will you do with it? Beating yourself up isn't helping. It's time to be kind and gracious to yourself. Your life is worth fighting for! Make a plan instead.
So, you know you don't wanna do THAT again, right? So make things right with those you hurt, to start off. You'll feel much better about yourself if you apologize and ask forgiveness. If these people don't know that you're struggling with alcohol, you need to tell them. I promise, as hard as it is, it will give you HUGE relief.
Next thing is, you need support. There's a reason that AA exists and that it's SO successful. We're not meant to fight our battles alone. You'll be given a sponsor (a recovering alcoholic who understands) who you can call any time of the day or night when you're tempted to drink. I am not familiar with Boom, but you don't have to give your personal info...just use a pseudonym. Do whatever it takes to get help.
Think about the "why"...you were in deep pain, so you fell off the wagon. We humans have such a hard time facing pain, especially grief. It's OK to grieve the loss of your doggie. Allow yourself the freedom to cry, to scream, to be sad and angry. When you feel ready, go get another pup. When I lost my first two dogs, I felt like they were telling me to "go save another one" for them. They want their fellow canines to find loving homes!
I don't know if you are a person of faith, but having a relationship with God is a great place to be. Pray for His help, His strength, His comfort. Tell Him you're sorry, and He'll forgive you. He wants to help and heal, that's what He's great at. He wants to restore to you whatever has happened to cause pain in your life and steal your joy. He will make you whole again. Some think that God is only there to make us happy, but that's not true, and He never said that in the Bible. He is there to forgive, to reconcile us to Him, to walk through life with us and help us, to guide us through the storms and trials of life, and to give us peace that surpasses our understanding because it's not related to our circumstances. Doesn't that all sound appealing?
If I could reach through the computer and give you a hug, I would! I'm praying that you start afresh today and find hope and healing.
Alcoholism is a physical, mental and emotional disease. I cannot will myself treated anymore than I can use willpower to treat diabetes. I am powerless over alcohol, which means that left to my own devices (without treatment) I have to drink. Whether I’m in pain or to celebrate. Or just because the sun rose.
There are a number of treatment modalities, but for me, Alcoholics Anonymous has worked for over 40 years - one day at a time. I promise you that if you 1) Make meetings 2) Become active in a home group 3) USE a Sponsor 4) Don’t drink a day at a time, and 5) Work AA’s 12 Steps to the best of your ability, you can be happy, joyous and free.
But you need to reach out to AA to learn how to do these actions. I know it’s very difficult to ask for help and take directions but it’s better than what you’re going through now.
Give it a try. Or not. You’re the only one who can admit you have a problem. It is a self diagnosed disease.
You can message me if you want to talk more. I totally identify with where you are.
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I’m messed up 
I'm really Messed up in my Head
You win... again
Ramping up
Lost again in the Darkness 
