Advice needed

[Dreamie]

I haven’t been taking care of myself well for the last few weeks. My husband and I are not speaking and I’ve been spending most of my time at either my moms or sisters and cooped up in the spare room at my house. Long story but we have been struggling the majority of our 5 years of marriage. Right now I’m looking for advice concerning myself and not us. I have been drinking too much which is terrible for my anxiety and depression. It’s caught up with me and I feel like a raw and exposed gaping wound. A thought I had this morning is that I am a test dummy for stupidity. I know better but it doesn’t stop me. I need to take better care and I intend to. But at this moment I am suffering the consequences of poor choices. I’ve got to function today and tomorrow and the next day so what can I do starting immediately to get back on track? I am anxious and disgusted with myself. I am scared of breaking down. I feel very very vulnerable. Did I mention that I feel raw and exposed! And stupid!

[deborah27]

You aren't in denial, you have named and acknowledge your demons. That is vital to recovery. The state of your marriage clearly needs attention, but you really want support with how you are treating yourself and how to stop drinking. Using alcohol as pain relief is common but always fails. You are the same as everyone else, a logical way of thinking and an emotional way of thinking. We sometimes have to let our head rule our heart. Alcohol will never make it better, always make it worse.

You can't go on avoiding the elephant in the room, your relationship is causing you great anxiety. Only you knows how best to change your life for the better regarding your marriage, but drinking is always going to multiply your problems. Always here for a chat and support as we all are. Good that you have posted.

[Dreamie in reply to deborah27]

Thank you so much for these supportive words. You are absolutely right about the stress I am under from the strain of my marriage. And I do know that alcohol makes my anxiety worse...it makes everything worse. Don’t know why I put myself through this so often. But I will once again climb back on that wagon and hopefully this time I will succeed. I made it through this day thank God. And I feel a bit stronger. Just a bit. That’s something though. Again thank you! 💗

[deborah27 in reply to Dreamie]

So good, stay on that wagon! You will cope better even through these tough times. Proud of you, keep going.

[Miss_Aero]

You are not those words you used to describe yourself. You are fighting a darkness that makes you question your worth. I think the separation is a good thing. I'm in same spot, this is day 3 in my bedroom since my husband is giving me the cold shoulder. But as much as I know it hurts it what made me reach out to this site. You're on here that tells me you are ready to focus on yourself. Clear your head of these thoughts. Hopefully with time away from him you will be less stressed. While I do feel you will have to talk to him and see what the next step in your marriage will be. For now, there is no harm in focusing on a better you/mind. Drinking is only temporary numbing. You will get thought this and find the strength I know you have.

[Dreamie in reply to Miss_Aero]

Thank you for your uplifting words. The cold shoulder is something that is used too often in our marriage. I am sorry you are going through it too. I’ve had several weeks of time away and they were needed. I think now I’m feeling stressed because it starting to become too long without communication. It’s making me panicky. So, I am going to try and talk with him and this time stop keeping my needs and frustrations to myself. He has no trouble voicing his. I do. But as you say I do need to focus on myself. Thank you again for reaching out. Means the world to me. 💗

[Miss_Aero in reply to Dreamie]

I am the queen of "I'm fine". I hide my feelings it is only now that I see that I was just ignoring the issues. I'm learning to communicate. He needs to hear how this marriage is affecting you. I hope he supports you and something positive comes out of this for you. You are working towards a better you and then eventually a better yall.

[Dreamie in reply to Miss_Aero]

I hope the same for you. Feel free to message me if you need extra support.

[Miss_Aero in reply to Dreamie]

Thank you. Will do 😊

[Hidden]

You maybe made a poor choice at the time with drinking. But now you’re reaching out and being honest and asking for help! If you truly were st**id, you wouldn’t be doing that. It seems to me that your failing FORWARD 🙂

[Hidden]

m.youtube.com/watch?v=S4s4x...(Not working as expected?)

[Dreamie in reply to Hidden]

🙏. Needed to hear that. Every day in fact. Thank you. 💗

[Hidden]

Dear Dreamie,

Don't refer to yourself as stupid. The first step, in my opinion, would be to acknowledge that you are not stupid but quite clever, given that you have identified that you have a problem with anxiety and depression and that you are willing to make your life a better one. So first thing you need to do, is be gentle with yourself.

Breathe, and the solutions to your problems will manifest in time. You are not alone with your struggle with anxiety and depression and dealing with all of life's ups and downs in between, we are all in this together and we will come out the struggle, victorious.

Regards.