Tired of Being Strong

[MaskOfTranquility]

I lost my job about a month after receiving a stellar annual performance review. My girlfriend ghosted me about a month later. She complained that I spend too much time working and with my daughter. I tried to include her in my time with my daughter, but I suppose that wasn’t good enough.

It brought back feelings of disposability that I experienced when my marriage fell apart. Like, whats wrong with me that makes me so easily disposable?

But hey, I’m tough and can get back up when I’m knocked down. However, I sure would like a break from getting knocked down. I’m tired of being strong.

[Hidden]

Hi. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. You’re NOT disposable and you mean a whole heck of a lot. And who said being strong was the “it” thing to be? I sometimes have to fall completely apart and be vulnerable to myself if no one else and then slowly regain my strength. Being strong all the time is tiring and depleting when you’re always being that person. Give yourself a break- you deserve it. We’ve got you’re back here so just reach out when needed.

[MaskOfTranquility in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I Just wish there was someone close that showed me that I mean a heck of a lot to. I know my daughter loves me. I know my mother loves me, but that’s it. And even they aren’t around all the time. Facing hardship is one thing; facing them alone is a different and terrible beast.

[Hidden in reply to MaskOfTranquility]

I understand completely. It is a beast when you’re standing reevaluating your life’s meaning. When my husband left me a year ago only days after my father died I was shattered. I didn’t know my heart could break into so many pieces. I just needed someone. All I had was my kids but I had to be “strong” for them when I had nothing to give. I truly thought life would simply fade me away into a nothingness but I made it through all that heartache somehow. Since then life has thrown many more pieces of crap my way and I’ve felt very alone during the process but I just refuse to give up. I know that one day I will cross paths with someone who is brave enough to be my rock and I for them. But until then I’ve learned to be my own best friend and confidant. I have my mom and sister but they would never understand truly how I feel most times. And sometimes it’s just hard to share and ask for a shoulder. So trust me I get it. I’m here for you. You can always message me anytime. You’re not in this alone. 🙂🙃

[MrZee]

Dear MaskOfTranquility,

Being “strong” is an honor. Yet I empathize about the disposability you feel.

Over the years I’ve been fired from two jobs when I was in my 20s and years later I’ve been through two layoffs. Losing a job is traumatizing to say the least. Amazingly, a door would open and a better job came along.

In the working world there’s no such thing as job security no matter how much the company or boss shows appreciation. Currently I have a job as an admin assistant that I love. But I do know that a day could come along where they say the budget’s been cut and we have to let you go.

I too have had several relationships in the past that fell apart. Yet years later I have a wonderful husband. And believe you me, our relationship is a lot of work.

If anything it sounds like you have a wonderful daughter. There you’ll never be disposable because she’ll always be your daughter and you’ll always be her father. Keep giving her love and she’ll always be with you. She’s your #1 and your girlfriend will have to understand that. Those are the terms.

As cliché as it sounds, Life is Unfair. If you’re tired of being strong, give yourself a day where you can healthily check out. That day is for you where you can recharge, such as taking a nice walk, going to a museum, or an activity you enjoy that brings you fulfillment. It’s okay to take a break. Then when you’re rested, then go back to being strong to pursue the job search, etc.

Thank you for reaching out,

-MZ

[MaskOfTranquility in reply to MrZee]

Thank you. My daughter is wonderful and currently the only source of joy in my life. But I only have her a couple days a week. So I spend the rest of the week alternating between despair and anger: anger directed toward myself for feeling despair. It’s a viscous cycle

The girlfriend is gone. It’s been a couple months since she’s ghosted me. And I saw a VagueBook post about letting things go. So that’s that.

I am working, driving for lyft. But that is such a hustle and my poor car has so many miles on it now. And I have set a new professional course for myself in that I’ll be starting IT classes at our local college in August. It’s just hard when I see people who seem to have life figured out and living wonderfully, and here is me: alone, hustling/stressing out to make the rent for my small studio apartment.

[MrZee in reply to MaskOfTranquility]

Hello,

Looking at “others” who seem to have life figured out, most of them are living in a fool’s paradise. You’d be amazed how many people out there are struggling. And to be frank, people who talk about how great and wonderful their lives are bore me. What’s really going on under their protective shell is what really interests me.

Think of it like the Academy Awards. Stars come to Hollywood to compete for their Oscars all dressed up and looking “happy.” When in fact most of them are miserably f’ked up and gawd only knows how much drugs and booze are running through their veins. And that’s why I don’t watch the Oscars.

Look, good for you driving for Lyft and maintaining a studio apartment. That’s your survivor’s instinct kicking in. You have your wonderful daughter two days a week. That’s two days a week better than no days a week.

In time it only gets better. You’re hurting now and licking your wounds. But wounds are known to heal.

Remember, you’re not alone. Others struggle too. The day will come when life gives you its just rewards.

Keep being vigilant. You’re getting there.

Best,

-MZ

[Hidden]

I like your post. I can relate all too well and it’s ok to have a breakdown, it is ok to have a pity party. You are allowed! I am sorry to hear about your job. jobs come and go. Stay focused and be thankful for what you do have, your daughter! As far as your friend, I hate to be so blunt but you do not need someone like that in your life. Life is too short, surround yourself and spend time with those that lift you up, people that care about you!

[HopeWithSmile]

Hi MaskOfTranquility. None of us is disposable. I am also tired of being strong, of being a "career woman", because this "career" doesn't bring me joy, it only triggers my anxiety and makes my life a living hell. I am tired.

But we need to find inspiration to fight back. Yes, we need strength. But we need inspiration as well.

Let's find this inspiration! We all can and we all will!

xx