How do I know if I deserve to feel good about myself?

[MichiganBoy]

I'm trying to practice regular self-care, but I always struggle with the voice in my head that tells me I don't deserve to feel better. I want to be happy, but I don't want to walk around with unearned confidence and wind up blind to my own shortcomings. How can I treat myself better without sidestepping the consequences of my own actions? With how much self-loathing I feel, I don't think I can be a fair judge.

[Hidden]

youre right, self loathing makes us judge ourselves far to much, but its a part of having depression. and sometimes we make mistakes its a very human thing to make a mistake or say the wrong things. but depression makes us dwell on these mistakes instead of going through the regular cycles of regret or guilt. you deserve to feel better and be happy, you just have to work on your mind( i know “just work on your mind”) it takes time and support to become better my friend. So don’t expect to change these things overnight. You can start feeling better about yourself slowly but surely with the right path.. let go of shame and guilt for trivial things. and focus on the here and now.. all of this is much easier said than done but is possible if you’re willing to try

[MichiganBoy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the kind words. It's been a long and hard road trying to let go of my regrets, and unfortunately I've been holding onto them for a very long time. I hope I can get beyond them someday.

[Hidden in reply to MichiganBoy]

i know how you feel, i still dwell on my regrets too, but i know its just my depression causing me to dwell on the bad instead of thinking about the good times ive had. honestly i think this illness makes it harder to remember the good times, so when im thinking of my regrets i try and find a memory in that same time frame that was good and realize it wasnt all so bad.. i hope you can try it and find some good in your memories, but regardless its not healthy for us to dwell in the past, because the future holds so much potential even if its hard to see that potential

[MichiganBoy in reply to Hidden]

I'll try that, thanks! I spend a lot of time in my own head anyway, especially when I'm feeling down, I may as well try and focus on something positive.

[Hidden in reply to MichiganBoy]

yeah, it’s something ive learned more recently, its not always easy finding those good memories. but im sure they're there.

[Hidden in reply to MichiganBoy]

also like others are saying its best not to dwell on the past. but its been helping me to move past it knowing there were good memories there too

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Your brain is lying to you. Your neurotransmitters are messed up. If the chemicals in your pancreas were wrong you’d fix it with food changes and perhaps insulin but you wouldn’t think you didn’t deserve food.

Tell your chemicals to shut up. Tell the person who put that program in your head to shut up and enjoy the good stuff anyway. You deserve because you’re human and no one deserves torture and misery.

Take care of you💛

Doaty

[MichiganBoy in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

You're very clever with metaphors! Thank you. It's not easy but the support I get from this group helps.

[wolf-enthusiast]

A wise thing I have learned over time is that the past is in the past. Everyone deserves a second chance, and we have all done things we are not proud of. we are unique to our own, and you MUST realize this. we all deserve respect not only from others, but from ourselves. this is not an easy thing to realize. it took me quite some time to find self-respect. none of these mental perspectives change quickly, but I am extremely confident that it will come for you. keep your head up, MichiganBoy. we're all here for you!

[MichiganBoy in reply to wolf-enthusiast]

Thanks for the support. I struggle a lot with self-respect, but I've been trying to check myself when I notice I'm putting myself down and be more positive. Small steps, but hopefully I'll eventually be able to honestly believe that I deserve good things in life.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to MichiganBoy]

Hi, I've replied to you before MichiganBoy and I'm sorry that you are still struggling so badly with poor self esteem. It is such a difficult thing to "master" I know (increasing our self esteem) Whether through our upbringing or our sensitivity or hardwiring or depressive illness whatever it can come about and it is so tough to actually change those thoughts I know.

You need to come up with a technique which works for you. Maybe a logical internal discussion with yourself which you then put down on paper would work. ( such as you can find in cognitive behavioural methods online). Maybe just fighting those thoughts could work. (telling them to shut up). Maybe some therapy to find out if there are deep roots (but that can only go so far).... I really sympathise. I have not got a positive love for myself and i know if I did then my life would be so much better.

It's really nice to see you posting on here as I like to hear from you. You always come across as such a nice person and I think one day you will get the confidence to truly believe in yourself ( and I must too )

[MichiganBoy in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you very much. You seem nice too! I'll be rooting for your success and mine.

[wolf-enthusiast]

I started bettering my thoughts about myself by becoming aware of when I was putting myself down. I also would compliment myself, and try to find one good thing about myself per day. it is awkward and feels as if it is doing nothing at first, but overtime I found to love many things about myself, and I am still working on it to this day.

[MichiganBoy in reply to wolf-enthusiast]

I'm going to try that! It sounds like a good addition to my daily affirmations.

[wolf-enthusiast]

I wish you luck and I will send prayers your way!!! you've got this!