Uhm, hey people. I'm a 19year old but I feel like I've been existing for ages and everyday just reminds me of how useless I am. I think I'm depressed, yeah, keyword being "think". I still "think" because I'm yet to go for a diagnosis. It's so crazy how one feels so much pain and nobody sees it, not even your family. People say "talk, it'll help". Of course I want to talk, of course I need help but really, how do I start when the people around are not even paying attention? When this stuff initially started, I felt it'll just come and go. When I started having thoughts of hurting myself, I was like " haha, I really hate scars, why would I want to cut myself? Shit, I can't commit suicide, I'd rather donate my organs, hahaha". Oh well, I believe these are stories for other days. I'm just here to seek my island of peace and I hope y'all help me find it or at least, put me on the right path to it. Thanks.
Just wanting to say something. - Anxiety and Depre...
Just wanting to say something.
You have come to the right place to find some direction. There’s almost always someone who can relate or give advice. So you are off to a good start, I just want to say sometimes the people around you haven’t experienced what you are going through, or are to overwhelmed with their own problems. They do care most of the time, they just don’t often show it in the way someone who is depressed like us is looking for / would expect.. thoughts of self harm are a definitive red flag that it is probably time to seek help. I’m not sure what is available to you but therapy does help, even if the people around you have negative opinions of it. You have to do what is best for your health and well being. Do your best and stay strong, hopefully with some support from the people here we can start trying to move in a positive direction( toward your island of peace) 
Now this brought genuine happiness to my heart. Thanks a lot, ma/sir, I really appreciate and I hope to hear from you more.
I’m glad it did. I’m a sir if you’re wondering lol and only a few years older than you, so my memories of the days you are in are still somewhat fresh.. it took a very bad situation before I got help. So it sounds like you’re being proactive, and on the right path for your health. It’s probably time to see if you can find a professional in your area that accepts your ( or your parents) insurance.. this can be a difficult task on your own, if you can ask your parents for help finding a therapist because you haven’t been feeling like yourself and feel it would be best if you spoke to someone who can help you get back on the right track. We’re here to support you through this, this site is full of wonderful people
Thanks a lot, I really do appreciate. I shall work towards heeding your advice.
Being here should help with the support you need until you get there. So I’m glad you’ve found us
I'm really glad. You should see the smile on my face right now. I feel so positive about this.
That’s good to hear. Honestly, it makes me smile that I could help.. just a reminder if you’re feeling down, don’t be shy go ahead and let it out, this place is super supportive.
Yeah. Thanks.
Dear AnIslandOfPeace,
Well, first you’ve got a head start. I like the name “An Island of Peace.” It sounds nurturing to me.
Depression is very common in our society. Though many who don’t have it don’t understand those who do.
When I was 27 I remember being invited to a party. I only knew the host. I was totally unable to connect with anyone there. And of course the host was too busy. It seemed everyone around me was smiling and having a good time except for me. Then eventually I left. On my way out the host pulled me aside and said, “What’s wrong? You don’t look happy.” I pleasantly said thanks for the invite but felt worse afterwards. I kept hearing the words in my head, “I don’t look happy.”
Finally I went to see a therapist. I told him about the party and though everyone seemed nice I was miserable and that’s pretty much my life. Towards the end of the session, he said, “Did you know you’re depressed?” I had no idea. He suggested trying antidepressants. I went to my doctor who prescribed them. A few weeks later I was feeling better with coping and connecting with others. And others connecting with me.
That was 33 years ago. Today, I’m still on antidepressant meds and I still see the same therapist. Each session I always learn something new and positive.
I know what it’s like to feel pain and others not seeing it. Growing up in my family I was in a lot of emotional pain and other family member’s especially my mother didn’t want to hear about my woes other than saying, “Cheer up.”
Well years later, I’m certainly not perfect but I have a much better understanding of who I am and even with my challenges in life I don’t beat myself up for them.
It’s completely normal to have suicidal thoughts. EVERYONE has them from time to time. When having those thoughts it’s like the body wanting to fight a virus when being ill. The suicidal thoughts is the brain telling us, “Hey I’m feeling down and want to feel better. I need to reach out and seek comfort.”
This site is a great place to seek support. Many of us can relate and lend an empathetic ear.
Perhaps think of seeing a therapist or your doctor for a diagnosis. And choose nurturing people to be around. They are the best listeners.
Best,
-MZ
Thanks a lot, Mr zee, thanks a lot. I'll do my best to get better.
I feel for you, and I truly hope that you find good connections, here...I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you, when those around you can't see it/sense it.
You may need to take the bull by the horns and just very quietly look for help on your own...don't wait, if you don't have to...I don't know what your insurance situation is, but if it all hinges on your parent(s) having the insurance, you may need to just sit them down, quietly, and tell them that you need help...help that they are going to have to sign off on...
If you have your own insurance, I would just go ahead and call and make an appointment...it will be a big step, but it is a better step than to just keep feeling like you have to suffer in silence. Someone professional should be helping to guide you through this: (Betterhealth.com; healthgrades.com). Don't go it, alone, if you don't have to!
Keep us posted, and best wishes! Many are in pain, here, so share what you find out to others! Who knows who will be uplifted by your own personal research?
This is so encouraging and spirit lifting. Thanks.
My job offers free initial counseling for emotional problems (too many to name). I can go for free and so can my daughter. They might only meet with us once or twice but they CAN give you information on where you can get more help. We have to pay a deductible from that point on but it has been worth it. I've been depressed for too many years (nearly 30 years) and my daughter at least 10 years. She's 25.
Get help if you feel you need it. My daughter was talking suicide on social media one night about a year ago. The cops came and told me that they wanted to talk to her. I hadn't known that she was having such a hard time with depression and bullying, let alone being suicidal. They told her she would have to go with them and she was put in in-patient treatment. There she was diagnosed with depression and given medications. She's doing better. And she actually told me that, though she hated the 5 days of no phone or gaming, she said it had really helped her. She now talks to me if she starts feeling low again.
My daughter's friends come to me if they need someone to talk to. Their parents just don't understand the kid or they would be extremely critical of them. I try to give them advice in a calm manner, giving as much information as they need. We usually have coffee or just sit alone. They can cry or scream if they need to and hugs are freely given. If you can't talk to your parents, ask your friends if they have a parent who they think would be willing to listen. Or come to HealthUnlocked and let the group here issue words of wisdom. More wisdom than I have ever found in psychiatric practices.
This is so helpful. Thanks a lot.
Your life is so worth living, and you are just getting started...keep the fuel flowing, and don't forget to keep us posted...we care!
One thing you will learn is to take care of you. Reach out to a therapist. Ignore others who tell you to snap out of it. Yes, even your family. You have to become a bit selfish. My mum use to try and convince me to stop taking my antidepressants. When she herself had depression. It hurts when family make things harder than help. But, it happens sadly. I have had depression for half of my life. Caused by a car accident. I do not speak to others much about it. This keeps me in a safe place. Speak with others who know just where your coming from such as here. We do not judge. We know how hard it is and honestly there is a rainbow in your future. I read a good book when I first found out about my depression. It is called "You Mean I Don't Have To Feel This Way". It gave me hope when I was in a dark place. It's not been easy but, with time and understanding depression you will become stronger. But, first go and find out what's going on. Knowledge is power. Depression can be handled. With the help of positive people. If someone is a downer, kick them from your life. It sounds cruel but for your trip to feeling better, very necessary. I wish you luck on your journey. Just remember you are important. Take care
Thanks you, this is heartwarming. I just really wished people around here are this understanding. I'm glad I found you guys.
Ditto, in box me anytime xxx
I will.
This is a great place to start, it has really helped me. One thing I have learned is that folk cannot cope with mental illness, to me it’s still a bit taboo! You have to snap out of it, etc! I have had depression since I was 17, and was lucky I wasn’t “labelled”- but still have had an incredibly lonely life, but I acknowledge when I am down, and use it in a positive way. I refuse to take tablets, but use complimentary stuff, one thing that’s helped me the most recently is CBT, but I had to wait 30 weeks fir it, it has helped me change my thought processes. Take care , keep in touch x
Thanks a lot. I'll sure keep in touch.
Please do xxx
Don't suffer alone. Find support places, peer groups. It's a great comfort to share experiences with people who don't judge you No idea where you live, a city or backwoods. Obviously, the bigger the place the more chances of finding things.
How supportive are your parents? Do they know?
Then there's treatment considerations, drugs, psychotherapy, CBT. You'll need to think of these, but I'll leave that for now.
Last but of advice - don't do nothing!
It's harder than it seems. Really hard.
You are not kidding. V few people who have not experienced depression/anxiety can understand how hard it is (or accept that they don't know how hard it is.
I was feeling pretty good a week back and feeling good about dispensing advice. Now I'm back in it and yes, it's hard.
Right now, I've managed to drag myself out to have a coffee and then meet my 2 sons (should be a pleasure but often isn't - I don't want to saddle them with my suffering - they know and are good about it - but it's hard.
All I can suggest off top if my head is make a list of things you'd like to do (start with little ones), which are easier to d, and which would help. Then put it aside after selecting ones that seem possible to do.
Go where u feel happiest. For me it's nature (but yes, when down, the motivation is barely there).
Do try not to hide away. Make use of people if you're lucky to have understanding ones.
Eat as well as you can afford. Make simple recipes (yes it's hard).
Exercise in whatever way you can. Start by just going out door. If u have no appetite, exercise might stimulate it.
Good luck. Keep in touch with group. Kip
Thanks a lot. I'll try this technique.
If I could have one ridiculous thing as therapy, it would be for a get together where people (suffering) would form pairs and be held/cuddled as they want to be, and then swap roles. You could do trial 10 mins each way to get warmed up. After that you could leave if u couldn't handle it.
Just held for a while. We'd draw names out of a bag. to take care of an odd number there would be a convener who could opt in.
Weird you're thinking. And I'm from UK which is not exactly touchy feely. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I go for massage as often as I can afford. Recommend it.
I think in depression/anxiety we all miss touch. I've thought of getting a dog. But it's a big commitment.
Touch, yeah there's that. Thanks, I'll look forward to this.
You need to try getting yourself on some high quality CBD oil. It sounds like you have some serious imbalances. Medical drugs can make it worse and/or cause serious side effects. Try using CBD oil to reset your endocannabinoid system and see if that doesn't help. I suffered with anxiety and depression my whole life...46 years. Nothing has helped like my CBDs. It's maybe not for everyone, but it's worth a shot. I don't get those hopeless, helpless, useless feelings anymore. Good luck!
Thanks a lot.
You have taken a very brave step to say to this group what you're feeling. I was the middle of 7 children, and always felt invisible or ridiculed by my parents and siblings. If you think there's a chance that your parents will support you in seeking professional help, by all means go that route first. If not, try to examine all other avenues for support...this site, books, articles, hotlines, support groups online or in person. I am practically old enough to be your grandmother, but remember very vividly being 19 and struggling with what I now now to be depression and anxiety. Finding the right help has been a beautiful thing. All the best that life has to offer to you!
Thanks a lot, ma, this means so much.
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