Big family party on Saturday and I’m in a panic

[weegmack]

So this Saturday, there’s a fairly big family gathering for my mum’s 70th birthday. I have anxiety disorder and IBS, so you can imagine how I’m feeling about this party. There will be 15 of us and we’re having a fancy lunch in a lovely hotel, then back to mum’s for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

I hate eating out. I find it impossible to eat - I’m also allergic to wheat and my IBS demands that I eat a really bland diet. I went with mum to look at their menus and they don’t have a dedicated gluten free menu, but they say they can “adapt” things to any dietary requirements. I told the staff that I needed compete reassurance that my meal would be prepared in a different area of the kitchens to the other food. I was given reassurances. But I’m just dreading it. I’m terrified actually. I absolutely dread being caught out by eating something the triggers my allergy or IBS. And being anxious also just makes that work.

My mum is quite controlling and organised all this herself. My sister and I don’t get along and she is equally bossy and controlling. She and my mum have both lost a lot of weight and look like clones of each other. I’m going to turn up like the flabby sister. I just don’t want to go. But my two daughters (late teens) are excited about it and my husband will support me. But it’s all I can think about.

What if I feel overwhelmed and just have to go home? What if my IBS plays up and I have to leave? 😞😞

[Agora1]

But "what if" everything goes well and you have a

good time? Take it one part of the day at a time, knowing

that you can exit if you have to or call it an early day.

It is important for you (no one else) that you put aside your

doubts and fears and go. We're only a message away if

you need support. xx

[weegmack in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much - I really appreciate that ❤️❤️.

[jkl5500]

I have read your previous posts. Considering how your mother and sister have treated you in the past, I would not hesitate to leave if things become uncomfortable for any reason. I wouldn't worry about they thought if you left early because, sadly, they don't seem to care what you think about anything. Somebody has to take care of you, so you have to do it. If your husband and kids want to stay there, let them stay. Take a cab back to your mum's house and lie down.

[weegmack in reply to jkl5500]

You’re right there. My sister is really the worst - so manipulative and I’m dreading seeing her. My mum says she understands about how terrified I get, but she won’t be understanding when I need her to be. I’ve decided if I can’t eat, I just won’t (but I will later when I get home). I get terrible, debilitating headaches when I’m stressed, so if that starts - as you say - I’ll go home. I’m just so tired of having to pretend I’m ok, just to make my mum happy. I do it all the time, because no matter how often I explain it to her, she just doesn’t get it. And I think she refuses to get it, because she doesn’t want burdened with me (she never has).

Thank you for taking the time to read my other posts - I really appreciate your support xx

[Agora1]

xx

[weegmack]

Well I did it! I managed to eat a bit and got through the day without mishap 😬.

However, my sister was unusually utterly nice to me. There was no bullying, no snide comments and no body/clothes size comparisons (she is way thinner than me).

So I don’t get it and I feel really unsettled, I just hope people can understand this. I came home last night and I cried for such a long time. I’m so confused and conflicted. Feel terrible today 😞