Recently turned 50 with no health, financial or relationship issues, I'm heavily tortured by flurries of negative intrusive thoughts about death, whether my own, my dearest or everybody else I'm sharing my existence with on this planet. During such attacks I freeze inside and observe the outer world as a nightmare often with an ensuing kind of nausea, I feel confused slightly dizzy or burst into tears once away from people's eyes. This is just a hint of variety of feelings very tough to describe. My life still functions fairly normally and successfully but it feels like hell, sometimes it feels like I'm going crazy while I wonder how other people easily (seem to) deal with their lives knowing that it's all going to end or how people give birth to their kids while they are completely unable to seriously explain to them why this is good given that they will end up buried in a coffin no matter what.
Please can anyone help me?
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Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?
John 11:25-26 | KJV
you need faith. well, i don't know what you need, but my suggestion is reading the Bible
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If I had faith I would not be writing this, maybe. I read the bible as a youth and Faith disappeared as I began looking at the real world.
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I started reading thru the Old Testament, have only made it to 2 Samuel. I have a study bible that helps explain what Im reading. Suprisingly, so far the reading is giving me hope and confidence that God has a plan and we dont have to understand it. There are many biblical heroes who were liars, cheaters, murderers etc who did great things. I look at King David, a great leader who murdered, was adulterous and God used him to accomplish great things. So when I look at world events, I just trust that God is in control and it doesnt have to make sense to me.
In all of human literature there is no more realistic a portrayal of just how dark, broken and nightmarish this world is and how this life is so often unfair with ragged, jagged, unresolved edges than in the Bible. Did you read Job? Try Psalm 88. Or Jesus saying "in this world you will have trouble" and regularly telling his disciples about the persecution they will face for following him (most were killed, all spent time behind bars and took floggings, stonings, beatings) as just a very few examples.
If you have read these passages, I have to ask: what is different about the Bible's portrayal of the world and the real world you have seen that made you bail?
I agree the Bible portrays such psychological ordeal as ensued since the very start of human beings becoming aware of the finitude of their lives. I actually parallel the forbidden fruit myth to exactly that moment when such awareness surfaced, which can be recast as man and woman realizing that they not only give life to their offspring but simulaneously bestow an excruciating death sentence upon them. Well, the presence of such death sentence is what makes life tough in the first place, no? Then, back to the Bible, the myth of a benevolent creator is a band-aid on a bullet wound. The only morally valid way out is not to reproduce. I know it can be hard on most, but it's harder the more selfish is the desire to have kids; a human being is never brought to life because s/he wished so, it's only because their parents do. What act can be more selfish?
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My faith in God is my only real hope in this upside down world
Worry ahhhhhh worry, it is that thing that seeks to visit anyone who will let it in. It doesn't matter what you worry about as long as you worry.
I read the Bible and it says not to worry about tomorrow because sufficient is the evil of the day you are in. Live each day to the fullest and try not to dread tomorrow. You'll worry yourself to death. 😍
When I was 8 years old I first panicked at the thought of ceasing to exist. I’m not particularly religious but I am spiritual. I read a lot of spiritual books over time and have come to believe that there is more than just this life. I still wake up in a panic thinking about infinity now and then, but most of the time I believe our existence matters and is for a higher purpose.
I can relate. I had this at 50 too. Now, I’m almost 60, plus my life has fallen apart, and I’m having it again. I think my episode at 50 had a lot to do with hormones during menopause. For some reason, at 50 everything started feeling more vulnerable for me. Is this a first episode with anxiety, or something that you’ve dealt with before? I have had several episodes in the past...like during puberty, postpartum, stressful life situations. Apparently, anxiety and insomnia are very common during menopause. It’s not just hot flashes. Have they checked your thyroid function and hormone levels? That can sometimes be a physical reason for what you are experiencing. You may want to talk to your doctor about medications or see a therapist. I am doing that now.
Like you, I get all wound up in these existential thoughts that are really scary...and it just feels like there is no way out...like it’s not something you can ever really solve. I have listened to some near death experiencers on You Tube describe what happened to them. Amazingly, they come back having no more fear of death. I find this amazing....that people come to the brink of death, come back and say that death is nothing to fear and that our lives here on earth have purpose. By no means does this resolve the anxiety....but it’s something. And at least you know you have a fellow sufferer here on this board.
Thanks for sharing. I've had similar episodes some 10 years ago in connection with serious emotional distress due to separations. I tried both SSRI and therapy but I withdrew due to side effects and uncertain positive effects in either treatment. The therapy I found it entertaining on the spot but I cannot really make sense of how it could really help. My blood tests are ok as well as my health and fitness though I've recently discovered PVC's which appear to be benign. The current episode appears to have originated as a consequence of swiftly coming across my ex partner (who is dramatically connected to the previous episodes) on the street after a 6 years blackout. This I now see as just a trigger, my vulnerability is my own feature, people like you and me are different from the others (most of my friends seem to understand my issues without luckily sharing the pain though).
Your anxiety and fears are shared by many. In fact, no one is immune. Life is complex for each and every one of us but there truly is good news.
If you went to libraries or bookstores, you might find thousands of books claiming to provide answers.... Often, though, one book contradicts another. Others seem valid at the moment but soon become outdated and are revised or replaced.There is, however, one book that contains reliable answers.
It's a loving "letter" from our Creator.
It's been read and has benefited millions around the world.
This truth liberates us from superstition, confusion, and morbid fear. It gives us hope, purpose, and joy. Jesus said: “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”—John 8:32.
Please consider reading the Psalms. King David (and others) were inspired to write what GOD wants us to know. It's more than mere poetry.
What you’re feeling is real and I can greatly empathize. Death is a very loaded subject for many people. There’s books, movies, lectures, prayers, etc. about it. So no matter what others tell you or give advice, you own your feelings and others don’t.
When others say, “Don’t worry” that feels very dismissive. Personally I find that an non-empathetic turn off.
Here’s my take on Death... Life is a circle. We’re born. We live. We age. We die. Easier said than done, right?
As for me, I turned 60 last year. Soon I’ll be 61. More than death, time moving faster and faster scares me. Looking in the mirror and seeing a new wrinkle scares me. I don’t want to grow old and invalid.
But bottom line, I don’t fear Death. When my time comes I just want to be comfortable, preferably in my sleep.
I wish I could wave a magic wand to help you feel better but there’s no miracle answer. Perhaps if you can find people that are also middle aged or seniors that are full of life and take each day as it comes would be a positive influence for you.
But always know you’re not alone with your feelings. Fear is real and there’s no shame in that.
I think that I probably think of death way too much. Im a retired RN, and I think us old nurses look at alot of things differently. My hubby used to work at the local funeral home so I learned alot more about the dead than I care to know. My spiritual belief is christianity, so I dont feel afraid of being dead, I think its the part before one dies that has me nervous. How much suffering, will I be dependent on people, who will die first myself or hubby? Selfishly I hope I go first, lol. I keep my thoughts to myself as the hubby thinks Im morbid. I have decided I want to b cremated as I dont want people looking at me( social anxiety!!!😳) and at the Memorial Service I want the band Disturbed’s version of Sounds Of Silenced played loud enough to make the windows rattle🤣, pretty sure that wont happen...
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