Their everyday thoughts are about their relationships, their careers, how they look etc.
Why do I have to suffer with those daily thoughts of:
Is life real?
What is god?
What was before god?
What is our purpose in life?
What is time?
And then those very isolating thoughts of
I am a conciousness that exists in my body only I am experience life through this conciousness, the people experience through theirs, and the both of them can never exist together, they are always separate, so in a way you are always and forever be truly alone
I am sick and tired of these thoughts
The antipsychotic was supposed to eliminate these thoughts
It did however, just remove the anxiety associated when I used to have these thoughts. Now instead of anxiety there is a feeling of helplessness and sadness and despair.
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tashalyn
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* I hope you're still there! I just noticed it was 4 years ago. I will proceed as if you are, and if not, hopefully somebody else can get something out of this. Here we go...
Others in here have said your questions below are unanswerable and therefore you shouldn’t bother yourself much with them. I disagree on both points. Allow me to give a Christian perspective that very much affirms that (a) there is nothing wrong at all with pondering these questions at length, as long as the questions are sincere and not just a mood in disguise, and (b) they are answerable.
* Is life real?
You don’t have to be a Christian or theist of any kind to see that the answer is very clearly yes. It reminds me of a joke about a student in philosophy class at college who anxiously asks his professor “How do I know that I exist?” The professor sighs, takes off his glasses, rubs his eyes, and replies in a weary voice: “And whom shall I say is asking?” Only real living things with real rational minds can even ask your question – or any question. Subatomic particles and grilled cheese sandwiches can’t do this. Therefore life is real.
But let’s play devil’s advocate for a moment: If life isn’t real, then your question isn’t real either because there is no you to ask it, so it was never asked, so.....what was that you said again?
And yet your question was asked, wasn’t it?
By you.
* What is god?
As CS Lewis put in The Great Divorce, God is “the Supreme Fact, the source of all other Facthood.” Of course there is a lot more to Him than that, but if I understand the context of your question correctly, this is the key take-away.
* What was before god?
There is no before or after God. This question implies a strange definition of God, one that assumes that God, like anyone else, is ultimately subject to Father Time. Which would mean He isn’t really God, Father Time is.
But the God of the Bible created time and lives in an eternal present – because He is that eternal present. As Peter said, “With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.” If you are in an eternal present, there is no before or after.
What is time?
One of God’s creations. It is the device by which ultimate reality is cut into infinitesimal successive slices because in our current frail, broken state, we can’t handle more than that. Sort of like cutting your baby's food so the baby doesn't choke on it and can digest it.
What is our purpose in life?
Ultimately, as St. Augustine said “to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” It’s gonna be one heck of a party, you’re not gonna wanna miss it.
As for what your particular purpose in life is beyond that, I can't give a specific answer. But a way into an answer may be going and helping other folks like you to take your mind off yourself and your troubles. God's light will start to break through when you start doing that.
***
I wasn't kidding earlier when I said, as long as the questions are sincere and not just a mood in disguise. Sometimes we like to like to con ourselves into thinking we are having deep thoughts and asking deep questions when we're really just tail-spinning into a dark mood because for the moment it feels good, so we indulge ourselves in it like a good cry, a cathartic experience. But when folks like us try to hit the brakes, you find you're going too fast to stop and it becomes stale, ugly, crammed with anxiety and adrenaline and sleeplessness and despair and soon sirens are going off in your head and you can think of only one way to stop it.
Can you tell that I have some mental illness/mood disorder problems of my own? Mental illness is quite real and I have no illusions that pop psychology or mind games can fix it or effectively treat it by themselves. That said, don't count on medication to do all the work either. You need both.
Finally and most importantly, you also need a desire to live and to live abundantly, which can only come when you are convinced that the hopelessness that is stalking you right now is a lie. And it is a lie only if God is real. As Dennis Prager said: "Only if there is a God who created man is man worth anything more than the value of the chemicals of which he is composed."
Thus saith the Lord: You, Tashalyn, are worth more than many chemicals. Go and live accordingly...
Hi you are not alone in wondering all this you know and it is very common. Very few people haven't pondered the meaning of life etc.
The difference seems to be is that you are focusing your anxiety on it and worrying too much about it. They are unanswerable questions so you just have to accept that along with the rest of us you will never know the answers. I don't think it really matters anyway as we are here regardless of how and why we are so we need to be living our lives instead of wasting it by obsessing about things we can't understand.
The sad fact is the more you obsess the more you will obsess so what you have to do is distract yourself every time you have the unwelcome thoughts. Watch telly or read a book or come in here and talk to us. It's hard at first and exhausting but the more you do it the easier it will become. x
You know, the reality is Albert Einstein had many similar thoughts. He had a hard time holding a job. His family was sort of jacked up. The woman who he THOUGHT was his mother turned out to not actually be his biological mother. His relationship to women was less than ideal, and his father lived out his last days insisting that his son was a complete and utter failure . . . and the man later won the Nobel Peace Prize for his accomplishments.
So, to one degree or another, maybe we, the philosophers and the poets, (yes, Einstein was both of those too), may in reality have the interests of the generations to come ahead of our own, and in my approximation, that may not always be comfortable, but at least it is honorable.
I actually think people with these traits should stick together, and exchange REAL ideas about how to solve some of these issues, and maybe make a record of those ideas so there is something left for the (way overpopulated) generations to come besides re-runs of The Bachelor.
Where the God question is concerned, I don't have, "The one and only magic answer," but if there in fact be an intelligent creator, then I think that it, he, she, they, would care for us, have created all people regardless of race, religion, economic status, level of intelligence, gender or orientation (sexual or otherwise), so I try to do the same, because it seems a better solution that, "kill 'em all, except me and a few people who think exactly as I do, and kill them too if they start to disagree with me."
I am also convinced, where the God question is concerned that I am NOT HIM! (Nor are you, or any other human.) In any case, I do believe very strongly that in the end, having enough love for one another to put the needs, REAL needs of others ahead of completely, 100% selfish endevors is a good thing. Withoit that, we are little more than barbarians. And yes, I do seem to see barbaric behavior on the rise. It may be all wrapped up in pomp and circumstance to make it (supposedly) LOOK dignified and cultured, but I am not so impressed by all of that.
What I am saying is that, maybe what troubles you is that you do in fact have a good soul, and loving heart, and strong moral fiber, as I honestly believe I have, and sometimes feel isolated, hopeless and alone because you too live in a world where we're dissuaded by the media circus and mob rules from looking at the fact that, we humans are overpopulating this planet to the point of potential extinction, and the masses would just as soon ignore the fact in favor of the idea that they NEED 17 cars, several corporate jet airplanes, a helicopter, speed boats, high definition television and "Champaign Wishes and Cavier Dreams," or they got sold short in life.
Being a really good person . . . a good old soul, as some folks say, is not about always taking the easy path with no feeling of responsibility as to who gets hurt by always blaming the victim, or better still, getting the victims to blame one another . . . and I believe your willingness to look for real answers to problems most others are afraid to face qualifies you as a really wonderful person.
A Russian poet once remarked, "Hope Dies Last." I am pretty certain no-one really knows who said it first, but it is a VERY common saying in their culture. It really as true you know. Don't loose sight if hope, and dream big! The only dreams worth having are the dreams of things people regard as impossible. My dream? Real, honest to goodness world peace.
Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to be my friend. I believe THAT'S where it all begins.
I love that you emphasized on not loosing hope; I will work more on focusing on positivity and hope. I think faith and hope is what had helped me get through so far, well along side medication, so am gonna stick to them even as this damn illness tries to rip it away from me.
For me, there is a great chasm between belief and faith. Believing is the part that involves my mind. Having faith involved mg heart. The belief is completely academic if I don't have enough faith to just let go.
By letting go I mean, not taking total responsibility for solving all of the world's troubles, or indeed, all of my own. For example:
I've had to place several of my family member's well being in God's hands, including the little girl I raised as my own for the first 9 years of her life. Her biological father suicided on my ex's bed on Thanksgiving day where my ex would find him dead later that evening. His/our daughter would be born 7 months later.
After 9 years together, my now ex had a bit of a break with reality, (not the first) and abruptly moved out, leaving me holding the bag with all of the bills, manufacturing a bunch of drama to justify another round of promiscuity. That was the end, even though I knew that, having no legal recourse, I may not be able to keep in contact with my daughter.
That was over 5 years ago now, and sure enough my ex has been moving back and forth across the country leaving a trail of financial wreckage behind her, all with my daughter in tow, and I can not lift a finger to stop it. I am inundated by collections people looking for her, and my concern for my daughter is very real.
Belief is not enough. Without some real faith, I'd be ruined. I grew up as an only child in a very abusive home, and I turned out to have a good heart. (Thank you mom! R.I.P.) I have also read lots of posts here, and heard and read from people that have experienced many of the same awful things I have been through, and know my daughter is going through, and they too are really wonderful people with very good hearts, so, there is every reason to believe my daughter has just as good a chance of being a really good person in spite of the difficulties I know she is faced with.
That is an example of how I substitute positive thinking for the 100% gloom and doom hopelessness that only serves to make me miserably in-effective on quite nearly every level if I allow it to persist.
I am really running behind because I took the time to write to you about all of this stuff, but I feel it is time well spent, because I am sharing something deeply spiritual about how I have been able to adopt a faith tbat actually allows me to keep moving forward in spite of SOME of the ways this world's overwhelming value for selfishness has been so destructive in my own family.
We do what is right not because it is easy, but BECAUSE we are good people. I suspect your heart is a good and soft heart too, so wherever possible, be grateful for that!
Oh, and rather than edit my previous post to add this, I chose to make a new port so maybe this thought stands out, because I think it's important. Maybe the key is not so much as making these thoughts go away, but rather to allow you to see oportunities for thise that see the world for what it really is to work toward really healthy and positive solutions that will in fact be good enough to litterally change the lived of BILLIONS of people for the better.
Real, workable, honest global HELP. That would be a really GOOD thing, and I know if I could be even a small part of what made such a change possible, it woild make every bit of pain I have ever suffered in life so worth it.
Hi, I basically have the same thoughts as you. It drives me insane because I am religious and I keep telling myself to stop over thinking what the purpose of life is. There are answers that I know based on religion but once I tell myself the answer I over think it and I think of more specific questions that I don't have answers to. I have been told to just let the thoughts be without trying to interact with them. That has helped and I don't get the existential thoughts as often as I did.
Another thing I want to add is that along with these existential thoughts I get these suicidal thoughts (anxiety based) like everyone should just die and there is no point in living if there is no purpose to life. I know this is not true and that we don't have all the answers. These are just intrusive thoughts that come along with the existential thoughts and they are scary.
Omg you totally described me in the last paragraph, i too come from a very religious background so it troubles me a lot. Did the thoughts stop coming at a certain point after ignoring them for a while?
I still get the thoughts, they just don't come as often and they are not as troubling. I'm still working through it. Some days I can be pretty much fine and other days it really gets me.
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