Hey, still new to this and wanted to formally introduce myself and give my story, any kind words would be awesome🤗 (sorry kinda long)

[Daninicole22]

Hi everyone! I haven’t really introduced my self, I’m still pretty new mainly read a lot of posts and respond to some, but haven’t really gave my story yet.... anyway, I’m 29 years old with 3 kids, my middle son who’s 5 is on the autism spectrum with adhd! Hard days everyday... I’ve had anxiety/depression/panic attacks since I was a young kid. Officially was diagnosed at 14.... anyway, here I am! Needing to rant. I feel like I’m never going to get better..... I really really try most days especially lately and I feel I just can’t most of the time anymore... ;( this all started in August last year, after I was forced into getting an abortion that I had zero support in anything that had to do with it, i was awake for the whole thing and I feel I was very much traumatized by it! I went on thinking I was fine, well then last December I had a full blown panic attack while in the middle of a huge rush at work (I was a server/bartender) and it all just got too overwhelming for me! I was the only server trying to host a huge party of 40 people along with getting refills, running food, it was bad! My bosses told me to go outside catch my breath and drink some water, but I felt it just wasn’t going away! Anyway fast forward a little.... following all of that, I still was having anxiety everyday at work but I was fine for the most part, the day before New Years my “boss” decided to sit me down after my long Sunday morning shift of busting my butt again, and told me that either I had to switch my whole schedule around to the crappiest shifts possible there where I’d make NO money, or I can quit. All because of my “lack of performance” over the last month? I felt just horrible and didn’t understand why I was getting punished for having a mental illness and being out through so much over the last few months mind you my “boss” knew about it and always says “he u sets tops” and would give me words of encouragement a lot... I ended up quitting February 3rd of this year, due to my constant panic attacks and crying I was having while at work because I felt victimized and like everyone was against me. I didn’t feel comfortable at work anymore and never wanted to leave my kids! It was the weirdest feeling I kept having... ever since that, I’ve been depressed, extremely... my car broke down, my taxes that I was relying on to help me didn’t come over almost 2 and a half months after I filed... my ex boyfriend who’s the father to my two smaller kids had to move back in to help me, my mom has always lived with me too and she has her own depression/bipolar issues, HATES my ex with a deep passion, so they both always nit pick and fight and it infuriates me to the highest! I’ve now developed shortly after February a fear of leaving my house, was having constant panic attacks, afraid of even going outside. I stopped caring for myself and how I dressed, looked, let myself go basically and just wear pajamas or whatever everyday just have no care in the world about anything... it’s the end of June and all three of my children constantly just watch me be like this every day, I would have semi okay days here and there and now the last two weeks have been BAD... I drove myself up the road to this local ER and sat there for two hours on my sons birthday last week (6/18) and cried and cried and didn’t know what to do!!!!! I felt some what suicidal that day but a friend luckily was texting me while I was sitting there and talked me out of going in the hospital... I eventually took a half of a Clonazepam and went back home and tried my best to enjoy the rest of the night with my kids and family but it was hard... everyday is so hard anymore, I literally feel like I’m tingly everyday and shaking and just afraid... I can’t ever breathe, I feel worthless and like a waste of space. My ex my mom and my dad are tired of hearing me complain and feel this way, so I don’t feel like I can really turn to anyone anymore. I’m glad I found this site because it has helped me feel like im not alone with my symptoms!!! 😏

[Jax27]

You are definitely not alone . I’m going thru the same thing . It feels like you will never dig yourself out of this hole but you will. Have faith that it will get better . That’s the only thing keeping me hanging on . Hang on to faith .

[Daninicole22 in reply to Jax27]

Thank you! I’m really trying..... it’s so hard. I hate the thought of getting in antidepressants I tried Lexapro for like 3 days and I felt way worse so I got scared and stopped this was last month..... I have Clonazepam that I take like every few days maybe sometimes twice in a row but idk if that really helps anything or just gives me weird effects the days after. I have a psychologist appt this coming Wednesday and I’m terrified of going... :/

[simple223856]

hi , i have read your story and its bad ! i think there is only you who can help your self , take things as one by one and be positive about everything , this world did not care for anyone or feelings of anyone ... you need to be strong by urself .... people care only for money .... no doctor and medication going to help you unless u decide to help u r self ... hard days come and goes .. you have kids give them your productive time ... help them being better person in the society ... my words are kind of hard but thats the truth.. God Bless you... (sorry my English is not good)

[Hidden]

Hey, thanks for sharing your story...there's so much many of us, myself included, can relate to. How you feel with dealing with anxiety as well as trying to be there as parent...I feel the same way. Job issues and mental health issues....same. And when our support that's physically around us, such as parents or otherwise, think we just need to suck it up; it is overwhelming. Telling your story is a huge step and try to feel some relief that so many people have read this and likely nodded, "Yep, that's something I've been through." I can't emphasize enough how much I both sympathize and empathize with everything you said. Work, home life, ourselves, our kids...it can feel extremely overwhelming. I've also spend hours in the ER parking lot. It just doesn't feel great to be at a low or struggling to find acceptance in everything going on.

I am so glad you're here for support and to hear you truly are not alone in this. While it isn't easy to simply get over this (hope you parents and ex will eventually understand that), I do hope you hold some hope and realize you aren't worthless....none of those negative things. Anxiety and depression, collectively, suck. The negative thoughts of self-worth, long-term outlook, and so on....not one thought holds any weight. You are absolutely not alone, absolutely worthy of everything life has to offer, and there will be answers as you work through this....and you'll have everyone here every step of your journey back in support.

You do have a lot on your plate and it can be hard to see outside of that when so many things are piled up. Have you considered or are you seeing a therapist? I think it might help to make a game plan for life for you. Steps to take, things to work on, and some sort of medication/CBT type plan to cope with anxiety. It'll probably help to talk this all out, the job, the situation at home, the kiddos, and everything else. The burdens you feel on your shoulders...even your own anxiety piling up. It's time to be kind to yourself and hopefully put the puzzle back together so you're able to begin to tackle each parts of the problem rather than trying to conquer the whole thing at once. You've been hard on yourself as it is from the sounds of everything. If you don't have a counselor/therapist yet, mindfulness is a decent way to at least practice some coping mechanisms....it can take a bit to believe in it or find the calmness in the "here and now" as they say, but it may help you find some clarity. I also want to say, I am deeply sorry about your abortion situation. Not having a say, no support, or anything....I just don't have the words and I deeply send the kindest thoughts I can to you in that regard. That is a difficult situation.

Everything all said, please stay with us and if we can help in any manner, you will find the words, advice, and more on here. Bad day, bad hour, bad minute...whatever it might be...we're here. Whether it's medication, a therapist, things you can practice on your own...whatever. We are here and you are not alone. For now, please remember to be kind to yourself in how you're feeling, take things slowly and one step at a time without being too hard on yourself; you have a plateful of things going on from what I read. The suggestions and advice here have helped a lot as well as the comfort, like you said, knowing that others are out there feeling similarly. Take care for now and continue using the strength you used to share your story in knowing that there will be solutions, help, and support. Best wishes and sending positive vibes your way!

[Daninicole22 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much. I have awhile to go to get back to “normal” or at least functioning again, it is hard with my kids and yes had been through what I’ve been through it’s been a hard longggggg stressful battle going back and forth with the depression, then get an anxiety attack from the depression, or vise versa!! It’s just all never ending. But thank you for your response, i love that this site has so many others literally experiencing the same or about the same symptoms and stories as me. 😊

[Mary-intussuception]

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